People Who Think Their Problems Matter More Than Anyone's Often Say 6 Phrases That Drive People Away
Julia Zavalishina | Shutterstock Some people believe that what they go through is much worse than everyone else. There are people who've experienced great tragedies, but they are rarely the ones who think their problems matter more than anyone else's.
Whatever the reason, there's certain language they use to minimize other people's struggles so they can stay in the spotlight.
1. "It could be worse"
Sometimes this is actually good advice. If a friend is having a bad day because their Starbucks order wasn’t up to par, then yes, sometimes they need a perspective shift. However, people who believe that their problems are significantly worse than everyone else’s will always respond with something like “it could be worse,” which is just a way of belittling the other person.
They're not offering comfort or a reality check when they say this, they're trying to reclaim the spotlight for themselves. As you can imagine this pushes away the people who love them most.
2. "You have no idea what I’m dealing with"
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This phrase is super condescending because it means they think their problems are so complex and unique, nobody could understand them. This is super damaging in relationships.
Narcissists don’t care about anything or anybody other than their image and the attention they think they deserve. Psychologist Lindsey Godwin, PhD explains that “Your emotions are valid no matter their scale or how they compare to others’ challenges.”
Comparative suffering is when we compare our suffering to others and try to minimize our feelings. It’s one thing to do it to ourselves, but another thing to do it to somebody else. If somebody is not giving you space to feel you feelings, then you have to go and find it, which might mean leaving their life.
3. "I don’t have time for this right now"
It's OK to set boundaries around your time or ask for a little quiet from time-to-time. But people who think their problems matter more than anyone else's will set a boundary around anything that's not about them.
Relationships are built on communication, which means making time for each other. Psychologist William Berry explains how the basis of many strong relationships is built on the asking someone to tell you about their day. It's such a simple question, but it really does change everything.
“Something as simple as talking about one’s day either builds intimacy or drains energy from the relationship, depending on how it’s done. If you want to talk about your day, gauge your partner’s interest, and if she isn’t interested, find a more suitable topic.”
When people aren’t willing to listen to their partner’s problems, it pushes them away. It’s basically like talking to yourself.
4. "Of course this would happen to me"
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The classic pity party that nobody RSVP'd to attend. We all have unlucky moments, it’s just life. People who believe that their problems are more important than everyone else’s however, will make one red light a big existential crisis, like the universe put a target on their back.
The thing is, it’s just a perception of life. According to research by Richard Wiseman, people who describe themselves as lucky are more likely to spot serendipitous events in their lives. On the flip side, those who describe themselves as unlucky are only going to see the bad. These people are extremely hard to be around, as you have to spend a lot of time comforting them and for no good reason.
5. "Must be nice"
Once again, this is one of those phrases that just makes everyone else's problems seem minute, even if they’re not. If you’re with somebody who actually has very difficult issues, then you probably won’t complain to them about little things like traffic.
However, people who think their problems should be everyone else's #1 concern can't stand when someone else is doing OK. When they hear that someone got a new job or has a nice new boyfriend or girlfriend, instead of being happy, they say "must be nice" in order to shift the attention back to themselves.
In reality, their problems are probably pretty small, even if they don't see it. As long as they're the victim in every story, they get to continue being the one getting all the attention. As you can imagine this pushes almost all the people they care about away.
6. "Can you just listen to me for once?"
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This phrase creates a very unhealthy power imbalance in a relationship. It’s an absolute phrase that implies that your partner never listens to you, even if they do. It shows that you're not paying attention to your partner's efforts, too.
There are many different types of power imbalances, such as age gaps, salary differences, and communication related ones. When one partner believes the other person never listens to them, it’s just an excuse to keep complaining and likely to gain control over the people they care about. After all, when they run out of problems, they'll just start inventing some and blame other people for not listening or caring, no matter how hard they try to help.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
