People Raised With Old-School Manners Usually Refuse To Say 11 Casually Rude Phrases
melissamn | ShutterstockIn today's society, old-school manners are a lost art. This fast-moving, filter-free world seems to have no room for timeless etiquette and a proper code of conduct. So when you meet someone who learned to mind their manners early in life and has held onto those ideals ever since, they seem different from the norm.
People raised with old-school manners usually refuse to say these casually rude phrases:
1. 'That's not my problem'
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If you were raised with good values, you are the type of person who will lend a helping hand whenever possible. Even when something truly isn't your problem, you know you don't necessarily have to take responsibility for it, but you can graciously bow out or offer limited assistance.
Your old-school manners have taught you that there is always something you can do, even when rejecting someone. You have a way of turning them away that doesn't feel hurtful or like you're avoiding accountability. Instead, they walk away remembering how you made them feel, even if you couldn't resolve their problem.
2. 'What do you even do all day?'
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People with old-school manners understand that stay-at-home parents, retirees, or those who are simply exhausted aren't lazily lying around. They know a job isn't the only value a person brings to this world, and that some contributions cannot be measured from the outside looking in.
If you were raised right, you probably would never disrespect someone's efforts or make them feel beneath you. You value people's time, not how they spend it. You know that what an individual brings to the table isn't always tangible. It cannot be seen, heard, or touched, but it can certainly be felt.
3. 'You should...'
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Old-school manners mean not offering unsolicited advice. You know you don't know everything and that your perspective may not always be right, so you avoid telling people what to do at all costs. You don't want to make anyone feel disrespected or judged, and you know that a few misplaced words can ruin a relationship forever.
Instead of telling people what to do, a well-mannered person might ask them probing questions that lead them to their own solutions and conclusions. For example, they might ask, "Have you considered...?" or "How would you feel if...?" That allows the other party to guide the discussion and keeps your thoughts to yourself unless you are asked.
4. 'I don't have time for this'
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Sometimes a person is truly pressed for time and can't give the matter adequate attention. Other times, the conversation is undesirable, and they don't want to discuss it now or at any other time. It's all about how you say it.
Even when busy, a person who has old-school manners will excuse themself politely. Their demeanor will make it clear that they would if they could, but existing commitments don't give them the bandwidth. Dismissiveness is not part of a well-intentioned person's repertoire. They know it takes only a moment to make a lasting impression, and they want theirs to be one of politeness.
5. 'You look tired'
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When a person tells you how exhausted you look, they might mean well, but there is no great way to deliver that message. It's a case of the outcome never matching the desired impact. While you see the revelation as a sign of care and concern, the person on the receiving end could feel slighted. It is a direct assault on their appearance, and they don't like it.
Old-school manners suggest handling an exchange like this in a more helpful way that might be better received. You might ask if they need anything, or try to relate to how exhausting life can be before gently offering a hand. Otherwise, saying "You look tired" comes off as passive-aggressive and mean-spirited.
6. 'Calm down'
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If you really want to escalate an already tense situation, tell someone to calm down. They will immediately take offense, especially if they are already at their personal level of calm. The statement will come off as accusatory and an attempt to silence them. People with real manners know that how relaxed someone is depends on who is judging their emotions.
Assuming another person's mental state will not resolve conflict. It illustrates a desire to control the conversation by making them feel as if their reactions are over the top. Handle a high-intensity conversation with empathy and understanding, not presumption and minimization.
7. 'That's stupid'
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Blatantly telling someone that what they are saying or doing is stupid is obviously bad manners. You're unlikely to get many positive responses after you say it. No one wants to be labeled not-so-smart, and the fact that you can open your mouth and say those offensive words without a second thought lets everyone know manners have left the building.
If you do happen to have old-school manners, you know how to disagree respectfully. Just because someone has a different opinion than you do doesn't mean you have the right to tear them down. Instead, you might say, "That's interesting. Have you thought about...?" instead of insulting someone's intelligence.
8. 'I'm just being honest'
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These days, people say rude things under the guise of being authentic and honest. They let everyone who will listen know that they have "no filter" and will likely say things that will get under your skin. But don't worry about it. At least they are being honest, and who can be mad at that?
Bluntness is not an excuse to demean or hurt other people. It's not a testament to your superior style of saying what you mean without limits. You can tell the truth in a kind, loving way. Timing, tone, and tact are key factors in delivering hard information or having tough conversations. It's not always what you say. It's how you say it.
9. 'Whatever'
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You are likely not a person with old-school manners if you dismiss people mid-conversation by saying "Whatever." It's a way of telling them you don't care what they think or have to say. You are not interested in the interaction and can't be bothered to find common ground. You are definitely ill-mannered and dismissive.
Good manners mean you listen actively, then respond. You might repeat back what they said to ensure understanding or even agree to disagree. But they walk away from you feeling seen and heard, even if they didn't get the desired outcome. Most people don't really need you to act; they just need you to listen.
10. 'Why are you so sensitive?'
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Sensitivity is, well, a sensitive subject. We can't dictate how sensitive another person should be or whether their level of sensitivity is appropriate. Accusing someone of overreacting to something important to them is dismissive and undermines their emotions. A person with old-school manners allows people to feel how they feel without judging them.
Mocking or disregarding someone's emotions is cruel. It's not clever to shut down their feelings by shaming them or trying to limit their vulnerability. People with real manners offer comfort when someone needs it. They don't belittle them and want them to have a safe space to express themselves openly.
11. 'That's not fair to me'
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People who lack manners think it's all about them. They put themselves before group dynamics and act as if the world revolves around them. They might take your concerns and twist them to be a slight against them, effectively shutting you down and putting you on the defensive.
If you have old-school manners, you know how to work with others and come to mutually beneficial resolutions. You know that everything doesn't revolve around you, so things won't always go your way. Instead of playing the victim, you find ways to connect and do things in a way that feels fair to everyone involved.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and has written seven books. She writes lifestyle and human-interest stories that offer informative, actionable guidance on relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
