People Slowly Losing Their Capacity For Complainers Usually Say 8 Phrases In Everyday Conversation
MAYA LAB / ShutterstockWe all know people who love to complain and remain steadfastly unwilling to put in the work necessary to change their situation. Venting can help to an extent, but you can’t expect anyone to put up with hearing pretty much nothing but complaints forever.
At a certain point, people start losing their ability to deal with chronic complainers. No one can solve all of your problems for you, and hearing someone expect that on a constant basis can be extremely frustrating, increasing the likelihood that when these phrases do come out, they won't necessarily sound as kind as they may be intended to.
People who are slowly losing their capacity for dealing with complainers will often say these phrases in their conversations:
1. ‘I can’t solve this for you’
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Some in this position get straight to the point. They can’t entertain the behavior and make it clear that they can’t do anything to help. Many people go out of their way to be there for others. People-pleasers may put up with complainers better than the average person because they put others before themselves. Those who can shake this habit will feel more comfortable confronting people about their inability to help.
Those who put themselves ahead of others set boundaries and enforce them. That means when the complaining becomes too much, they tell them that only they can solve their problems and stop expecting them to do the heavy lifting on their behalf.
2. ‘I don’t have the energy for this right now’
I respect someone who isn’t afraid to share their true feelings with others. I often find myself listening to complaints because I don’t have the guts to tell someone I’m not interested in hearing their thoughts. I fear coming off as rude, and I envy people who put themselves first, no matter how they look to other people. If they don’t have the energy to put into a conversation, they won’t.
This type of person is assertive. They don’t feel like they have to listen to everyone’s complaints. Instead, they put their foot down and stand up for themselves. While invalidating someone’s point can get them in trouble, they may not care as long as it gets them out of listening to complaints.
3. ‘What would it take to make you change?’
Have you been around a no-nonsense person? They’re not there to make you feel good about yourself or validate your problems. They want to encourage you to change, and it may be for selfish reasons. Let’s be real. Listening to someone complain constantly is annoying, even if we love them. This type of person doesn’t put up with people who wallow in self-pity. Even if this means they have to be the sounding board for those changes.
Some people are natural problem solvers. Instead of hearing them cry over the same things, they try to encourage them to move forward. They see the change that person needs to make and may try their best to guide them through it, if not to end their ranting and raving.
4. ‘Start with the first step’
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Making small changes is easier said than done. If someone is used to complaining constantly, they may not see the changes they could make to improve their situation. Instead, they’d rather make it everyone else’s problem. When someone in their life gets sick of the behavior, they may encourage them to start small and move forward.
Someone who is tired of hearing a person's complaints would rather they figure it out themselves without relying on them. They might brainstorm the first step and leave it at that, hoping the complaining stops.
5. ‘I hear you’
How many times have you said this when you weren’t actually listening? I’ve been guilty of this. Sometimes, it’s easier to zone out than it is to listen when someone is complaining.
Believe it or not, fake listening is common. People who can’t stand complainers rely on this, dissociating when the conversation becomes exhausting. They can’t truly listen, but they say things like ‘I hear you’ to make them feel heard without actually doing it.
Real communication and connection are important, but it’s unfair to expect everyone to listen to your every woe. When someone drones on and on, unable to understand that no one wants to hear them, it’s easier to ignore them and wait for them to finish their rant.
6. ‘I’m too overwhelmed right now’
Everyone has their own problems. Chronic complainers may feel like they have it worse than everyone else. Even the smallest inconveniences lead to a rant. When someone else is overwhelmed, hearing others complain about something that doesn’t make sense to them can push them over the edge. How can they take care of themselves while someone else fills their heads with complaints?
We have to be our strongest advocates. When we stand up for ourselves, it helps to prevent resentment and reduce stress. Telling a complainer they are too overwhelmed for their nonsense can be the best way to take care of themselves.
7. ‘I have to walk away for a second’
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Few things feel better to me than walking away from someone who is on my last nerve. Often, those people are chronic complainers. When the conversation centers around their problems, it can become exhausting. It makes sense to step away for a second and get a break from this type of person. However, it can be awkward to say this out loud.
Stepping back and letting them breathe is often the best way to prevent an argument from starting. Complainers want validation, and when they don't get it, problems can arise. Leaving the situation helps de-escalate the tension.
8. ‘What are you hoping to gain from telling me this?’
Being confrontational isn’t easy for everyone. I know I am conflict-averse, which isn’t always great for me. Those who aren’t afraid to tell it as it is might approach a complainer head-on. Why do they think this is worth ranting about? What exactly do they gain from it? Why are they focusing on the negative?
Whether this conversation encourages change or not, it at least allows the other person to share their true feelings. The fact is, they’ve lost their capacity to deal with someone like this and want to challenge them to think about their behavior. What is the point?
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
