People Slowly Losing Their Capacity To Be Vulnerable Usually Say 8 Phrases In Casual Conversation
F01 Photo | Shutterstock For many people, vulnerability is terrifying. Maybe they never learned from their parents how to open up, or maybe they had their heart broken the last time they opened up, but some people are just too disillusioned to let themselves be truly seen.
When someone is losing their ability to be vulnerable, they've been burned one too many times and they're putting up a shield. That's why they deflect from deeper conversations and say these phrases to take some of the pressure off of themselves to open up.
People who are losing their capacity to be vulnerable often say these 8 phrases when talking to you:
1. 'I'm not good at talking about that kind of stuff'
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Letting down your guard isn't easy for anyone. But these days, with social isolation at an all-time high, people are struggling with it more than ever. They're terrified of coming off as weak, which is why they will pass it off as just not being good at talking about feelings or sensitive stuff. They want to be open, but they don't know how to.
As registered licensed clinical psychologist Jennifer Caspari, Ph.D. writes, "It is not easy to take emotional risks and open ourselves up to the possibility of being hurt." That's why people losing their capacity to be vulnerable struggle to take that last step toward being vulnerable, which is talking about their feelings or other deep topics.
2. 'I'd rather handle it myself'
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People who can't be vulnerable aren't just closed-off, they're often fiercely independent, too. From a young age, they were probably taught that they were the only person they could truly rely on.
Because of that, they were never able to express their emotions freely. It sucked, but many of these kids had to take on the role of a parent due to their narcissistic family.
That's why they say something like "I've got it, don't worry" or "I'd rather handle it myself" whenever someone tries to help. ven if it isn't healthy, they're okay with bearing the weight. In their eyes, it's safer to hold it in than it is to say what's on their mind. Unfortunately, the more you suppress your emotions, the more your health suffers.
3. 'I don't want to drag you down'
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At work, school, and even in their personal lives, people who who struggle with vulnerability tend to play it safe and stay silent about what actually bothers them. They don't want to burden anyone with their feelings, probably because they've never had someone actually listen to how they feel without using it against them.
They often feel like they have the weight of the world on their shoulders and it just becomes too much to even consider unloading that on someone. They cannot imagine a world where someone would vulnerably share their burdens with anyone else.
4. 'It's not that serious'
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People who can't be vulnerable are master dodgers. They don't want to dig deep or talk about their life problems. They'd rather calm your fears by lying and saying, "It's not that serious." Is it the most honest thing they've ever said? No, but it works to remove the risk of vulnerability.
Most people who hear this won't bother digging deeper. Once they get their reassurance, they go on their merry way. That's why it's important to leave space for conversation. It doesn't take much. A simple, "Even if it isn't, I'm here if you need to talk," usually does the trick. Maybe, just maybe, they'll want to learn how to open up.
5. 'You don't need to worry about me'
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If there's one thing they dislike, it's others pitying them. It doesn't matter what they went through or how closed off they are, once someone gives them those sympathetic eyes, they have to shut it down.
Maybe they were trying to open up and start sharing, but it felt too vulnerable so they had to dismiss it all, saying, "Nah, you don't have to worry about me!" and then probably changing the subject.
They've gone their entire lives taking care of themselves. Without anyone's help or sympathy, they've paved their own way. That's why it's important to treat them the same way you've always done; otherwise, they'll unconsciously get defensive.
6. 'I'd rather not get into it'
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They'd love to brag about their accomplishments, but they doubt other people would take it well. Often they terrified of jealousy, judgment, or sneaky behavior so they say they'd rather not get into it, as if it's something bad that happened rather than something good.
And while their closed-off nature isn't anything new, refusing to share anything is kinda dangerous. As associate professor Susi Ferrarello, Ph.D., writes, "Putting ourselves in a position of emotional self-containment closes the door to what it means to be human—to yourself and others."
People who struggle with vulnerability close off the potential for human connection and because of that, they never get a chance to learn that some people will show up for you when you get into it. Some people will celebrate with you and cry with you. Sadly, if they keep saying they'd rather not open up, they'll never get to meet those people.
7. 'It's all good, I'll figure it out on my own'
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Unlike others, many of the people who lose their ability to be vulnerable were never encouraged to reach out for help, in fact, some of them were mocked for it or had their needs used against them. As a result, the older they got, the more hyper-independent they became.
That's why you'll often hear people say "I'll figure it out on my own" when offered support or help.
They don't need a compass to know where they're going. They appreciate the concern, but their stubbornness won't let them give in that easily. That's why it's better not to force too much. Once someone's mind is made up, changing someone's mind is a huge challenge. That goes double for someone who feels they're no longer capable of being vulnerable.
8. 'It is what it is'
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People who are struggling to be vulnerable aren't looking for sympathy. Does life suck right now? Absolutely, but they aren't about to complain. They've grown numb to the drama around them. That's why they can say "It is what it is," and mean it. Once you've gone through the worst, everything else feels like kids' play.
Even if life becomes hard, they're accustomed to handling life's challenges on their own. While it's unhealthy, dissociating and brushing aside people's concerns is the only thing they know. So, if you're hoping for a heart-to-heart, be prepared to be disappointed.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
