Kids Who Got Praised For Being The Easy Child Usually Carry 7 Traits Into Adulthood
Jose Calsina / ShutterstockWhether a child is really well-behaved or feels pressured to never get into trouble, they’ll probably be told how great they are for being so easy, and that will leave an unexpected mark.
Stressed parents are focused on problems, and they can easily overlook children who don’t cause problems without meaning to. This teaches easy kids to develop traits that make them feel like less of a burden no matter how old they are.
Kids who were praised for being the easy child of the family tend to have these traits as adults
1. They try their best to avoid conflict
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Adults think they’re doing a good thing when they praise kids for being easy, but it can actually invalidate their emotions in a way that’s totally unintentional. It’s like they’re telling them that they’re most likable when they’re happy.
Then those kids tend to think they’re doing something wrong when they get upset. Even when it’s perfectly reasonable for them to push back against someone else’s opinion or get their feelings hurt, they don’t say anything because they think that makes everything worse.
Easy children are inadvertently trained to think that starting an argument will permanently damage their relationships, and they never let go of that.
2. They don’t like to ask for anything
One of the main characteristics of easy children is being self-sufficient. When they need something, they can take care of it themselves. Then they’re praised for never needing help like other kids do.
Over time, that teaches them that any needs they can’t meet themselves are an inconvenience. They act like they don’t exist instead of asking for help, even though that can take a major toll on their mental and emotional health.
3. They ignore what they want
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Some people get so used to doing what other people want that they feel really uncomfortable when they’re asked what they prefer. There’s a good chance that they were once known as the easy child.
Giving up whatever you want to make other people happy is a hallmark of people-pleasing. These kids fall into this pattern because they get used to letting everyone else have their way. They think they’re making life easier when they just go along with what other people want, and someone probably reinforced that belief at some point without trying.
4. They take care of their friends
Supportive friendships are good for everyone’s well-being, but that support has to go both ways. It’s hard to maintain a healthy balance when one person acts like the friend group’s designated therapist.
But that’s the role that easy kids naturally step into. Since they’re used to fixing other people’s problems and never talking about their own, it’s easy for them to always be there for everyone else. The downside is that they feel like they have to stuff their own emotions down in the process.
5. They feel better when they’re productive
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It’s really easy for anyone who’s praised for being the easy child to internalize the message that they’re valued the most when they’re being helpful in some way. Instead of just trying not to upset anyone, they might take it a step further and always do something useful. That’s how they’ll get caught up in the cycle of toxic productivity.
Even as adults, they’ll never feel comfortable relaxing. They really believe their worth is tied to how much they do, and they don’t know how to stop that.
6. They worry about letting people down
The irony of being an easy child is that you hardly ever upset anyone, but you constantly worry that you could. These people try to monitor everyone else’s moods and they read too much into the smallest thing, like a text that isn’t responded to right away.
It’s pretty common for kids who had their emotions invalidated to worry others are mad at them, even after they’ve grown up. Of course, no one is purposefully making easy kids think their feelings don’t matter, but that’s still what they believe.
7. They can’t make their own decisions
Easy children don’t need someone constantly looking over their shoulder and telling them what to do. They struggle to make decisions because they think it’s more important to please everyone else than it is to make themselves happy.
This might lead them to pursue a career they aren’t really interested in or attend a college they don’t want to go to. They feel like they have to live their life based on other people’s expectations, which only leads to heartbreak.
It wouldn’t be hard for these people to wake up one day and realize that they don’t actually like anything about their lives. They only chose the path they did because it’s what everyone else wanted for them.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
