People Who Shut Down Bossy Coworkers Without Being Rude Say 11 Phrases When Someone Oversteps
Grustock | Shutterstock Putting up with someone who speaks over you and thinks they're your boss (when they're definitely not!) can be incredibly frustrating and demeaning. The point of a conversation isn't to dominate, but to actively listen and share ideas.
Whether this is being done by a colleague you don't like all that much or even a work friend, it can be hard to strike a balance between setting boundaries and being rude. The key is to have a few phrases in mind ahead of time, so you know just what to do when someone tries to boss you around or speak over you.
People who shut down bossy coworkers without being rude say these phrases when someone oversteps:
1. 'Thanks, I'll let you know if I need help'
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This phrase successfully cuts off unnecessary opinions or unsolicited advice without being rude. As long as you're careful of your tone so you don't sound snide, it also doesn't make someone feel like they're being talked down to, nor does it create any conflict.
"Hearing advice can be incredibly frustrating when you only need someone to be supportive and listen. Instead of feeling understood and heard, unsolicited advice can make you feel minimized or judged, as if your thoughts and feelings are invalid," explained psychotherapist Ilene S. Cohen, Ph.D.
Just remember that not every opinion needs to be taken to heart. You don't need to cede control just because someone is bossier or more assertive than you.
2. 'I appreciate the suggestion but I'm going to stick with my approach'
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Not only does this phrase do a good job of acknowledging what someone is saying, it holds your boundaries. Instead of allowing the other person to take over just to be polite, you're insisting that you have it handled and that your approach is something you feel comfortable taking.
Is it easy to say no? Not always, especially at work or with someone you like.
"Assertiveness takes skill and practice. It’s not something that comes easily to most, so if this is difficult for you, please know that your skills can be strengthened," said licensed psychologist Jonice Webb, Ph.D.
But it's important not to go along with something just to be nice, especially with people you like or respect. Eventually, it causes resentment.
3. 'Let's keep this a two-way conversation'
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Using this phrase can bring attention to the tone that another individual is trying to assert over you. A conversation should not just be someone ordering you to do something and expecting you to follow without objection, but rather a mutual understanding of thoughts and perspectives.
Instead of stooping to their level and trying to match their tone, this phase is a good way of putting your foot down while also taking the high road. You're bringing attention to the issue at hand while also staying professional. It's ensuring the other person knows they're not actively listening.
4. 'We can collaborate on this, but we both need to be heard equally'
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It can be frustrating when someone is trying to butt in during a project. It's even worse when they just walk all over you.
Instead of shutting down or allowing the other person to take over completely, this phrase reminds them that teamwork is the most critical aspect. You cannot be a team with someone while trying to outshine them and constantly interrupting their ideas.
5. 'I value your input, but I need time to finish my thoughts'
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This phrase is a polite (yet assertive) way to let someone know that while you appreciate their input and thoughts, you should still have an opportunity to fully express your input. It's about acknowledging the other person and not making them feel bad, but also setting that boundary that you need the floor to speak.
It helps the conversation continue to be respectful even if you have to deal with constant interruptions from someone who may not realize they're actively being disrespectful in the first place.
"The truth is that conversation is not just words and eye contact, trigger and response, but rather an acceptance of each other in both giving and receiving," writes learning specialist Amanda Friedman, MSEd, SBL.
While it would be great if all adults knew and understood this, some people weren't taught this as kids and now need a kind but firm intervention. Of course, if they're being rude, you can be a little more on the firm side, too.
6. 'I'd love to hear your perspective, but only after we go through this part'
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This phrase is good at reassuring another person that while their perspective will be welcomed, but it makes clear that you will be sharing finishing what you're saying. It's also not a signal that they should be talking over you or trying to assert themselves in the conversation.
Interruptions are not always due to the fact that someone wants to take over your conversation. Some people interrupt in a way that feels collaborative to them. It can also be a cultural clash, when one person comes from a family or culture where people speak over one another as part of daily conversation. Other times, they're just excited to be working with you or about their idea.
It's good to assume the best whenever possible, but you can do this while setting a boundary.
7. 'Let's focus on understanding each other before rushing ahead'
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This phrase is a great way to ensure that the other person is aware that both people involved should actively participate in the conversation. It can also allow you space to let this person know that you won't be ceding control to them. Ultimately, you won't be moving forward until you're understood.
If you're trying to have a thoughtful and productive discussion, you must get to the same point with the other person at the same time. A conversation should never be a race because that's how people end up leaving it feeling unheard and silenced.
8. 'I think we'll get the best outcome if we each have time to share'
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If two people are engaged in a discussion, it should be a fair give-and-take exchange. No one person should feel they need to speak longer than the other, especially if they're each trying to come to a conclusion or solution together.
This phrase is good at reminding the other person that an outcome needs to be reached, and it won't happen until you can both speak for the same amount of time.
It's kind while also bringing awareness to an unfair dynamic. Instead of calling out their interruptions, you calmly let them know that they're not appreciated while still being polite and respectful.
9. 'We'll get to that point when it's my turn to speak'
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When someone has taken over the entire conversation and then tries to move forward with a plan, it's time to intervene. By saying this, you're making clear that you haven't had a chance to speak as well as letting them know you won't be moving forward or making a plan until you've been heard.
Conversations should be about ensuring each person is allowed time to speak, and it shouldn't be a battle for control. You're able to maintain authority with this phrase without making the other person feel as if they're being attacked or dismissed.
10. 'I see where you're coming from, but I'm going to lead from here'
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This phrase is a great way to not only validate what someone else has said, even if they're being bossy and interrupting you as you're trying to speak, while also assertively letting them know that you aren't ceding control of a project. Sometimes, people don't quite realize just how disruptive their interruptions can be, but this is a gentle reminder that just because they feel the need to speak doesn't mean they should at someone else's expense.
By using this phrase, you're keeping the conversation respectful while making it clear that you cannot have a productive dialogue if the other person won't let you finish your thought.
11. 'Let's make space for both of us to express our thoughts clearly'
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This phrase is good for bringing balance back to a conversation that might have been derailed by someone's constant interruptions and superior attitude. You shouldn't have to try to get your voice across when another person is trying to assert dominance over a conversation.
By using this phrase, you're not confronting the other person; instead, you're gently guiding the conversation back to more respectful ground. Both people should feel like they have a safe space to express their thoughts without worrying about the other person jumping in and attempting to steer the conversation back to them and their thoughts only.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
