10 Blunt Phrases Smart Women Say When They're Done Being Overly Nice

It may be a bold assumption to suggest that women tend to settle for less than they deserve, more than men, but research argues it's not entirely misguided. According to a Hewlett Packard internal report, most women don't apply for jobs unless they believe they're 100% qualified. Another study from Body Image found that women are happier in relationships with less attractive men. A third study from SELF Magazine says 80% of women stay in friendships they know are toxic.

So, what happens when women stop being overly nice and start pursuing and advocating for themselves in every aspect of their lives? Well, it starts with combating stigmas and societal expectations that urge them to ask for less. Asking for what you deserve and refusing to settle for what's beneath you can feel awkward at first, but it's key to living a truly empowered life.

Smart women who are done being too nice often say these blunt things:

1. 'I'm confident in what I can bring to the table'

woman telling man i'm confident in what i can bring to the table Olena Yakobchuk | Shutterstock

Many societal stereotypes that urge women to settle for less than they deserve also follow them into the workplace, encouraging them to avoid salary negotiations, not voice their opinions around male peers, and avoid asking for more responsibility. When brilliant women shift their mindset and intentionally decide to stop settling, they also thrive in the workplace, setting better boundaries, applying for jobs they may not be fully qualified for, and advocating for themselves in conversations about opportunities they'd otherwise avoid.

2. 'I deserve more than what you're providing'

woman telling man i deserve more than what you're providing fizkes | Shutterstock

According to Harvard research on healthy relationships, women care more about being treated kindly, supported, and respected by their male partners than about their physical appearance. However, when the emotional side of their relationship worsens, clear communication can help. One blunt phrase brilliant women say once they stop settling is: "I deserve more than what you're providing." By using a phrase like this to express their needs and set a boundary, empowered women voice the changes they need in their relationships — or they leave.

3. 'I'm capable of making my own decisions'

woman telling friend i'm capable of making my own decisions bbernard | Shutterstock

By using a phrase like this to push back against an overbearing person, smart women build self-trust. They remind their internal critic that they don't need external validation to fuel their lives; they're perfectly capable of making decisions, thank you very much.

Licensed clinical psychologist Jacquelyn Johnson suggests that building self-trust starts with reconnecting with your beliefs and values. What do you really want? What are your needs? How can you show up better for yourself, both at home, at work, and in relationships? By getting on the same page with your mind and body, you protect yourself from settling for less than you deserve, because you know what you need and how to ask for it.

4. 'You're not the center of my universe'

woman looking down at phone thinking you're not the center of my universe Ekateryna Zubal | Shutterstock

While society tends to innately place men at the center of women's lives, there's power in decentering them completely. By crafting a life where men's validation and needs never take precedence over yours, you finally learn to stop settling for less than you deserve.

5. 'Here are my needs; you can listen or you can leave'

man being told by woman here are my needs you can listen or you can leave BearFotos | Shutterstock

According to life coach Jodie Arnot, expressing needs can be seen as controversial for women who have developed people-pleasing tendencies as a result of societal pressures or their upbringing. Rather than finding partners who encourage them to grow, they settle for stagnant relationships where their needs often go unnoticed and unsupported. Smart women use bold phrases like this one when they're sick of settling for mediocre partners and toxic relationships. They know what they need, and they're not afraid of the pressure to keep it to themselves.

6. 'How would you feel if I treated you the way you treat me?'

woman asking friend how would you feel if i treated you the way you treat me GaudiLab | Shutterstock

Staying in toxic relationships and settling for bad behavior should not be the norm. Many women feel it's their fault they're in a bad relationship, or that they're less deserving of the basic foundations of a healthy connection simply because of who they are. But that's not true, and asking a question like this to flip the script can help you see the breadcrumbs you've been settling for.

7. 'No'

woman telling friend no Prostock-studio | Shutterstock

According to licensed professional clinical counselor Dr. Teyhou Smyth, empowered women who know not to settle often use this word. Whether it's to set boundaries at work or express their needs in a relationship, "No" is a full sentence, and women deserve to use it.

8. 'I'm not sabotaging my success to make you more comfortable'

woman telling man i'm not sabotaging my success to make you more comfortable simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock

According to a study in the Journal of Business Research, many determinants of a woman's success in the workplace are tied to societal expectations she's held to, like being quiet or agreeable. It's these same traits that hold women back from expressing their needs, keeping them in a vicious cycle of settling for less than they deserve, but occasionally being rewarded for doing so in patriarchal institutions like the workplace. Smart, empowered women, who know what they deserve and how to say it, use phrases like this to avoid dimming their unique shine for someone else. goals.

9. 'I expect my relationships to respect my boundaries'

woman speaking on phone i expect my relationships to respect my boundaries Josep Suria | Shutterstock

Chances are, if you're consistently feeling disrespected in a relationship, you haven't communicated your boundaries clearly, or you don't have a partner willing to set aside their pride for your well-being. According to psychologist Rachel Goldman, respect looks different for every person, but deserving it is universal. Empowered women who choose to stop settling use phrases like this to demand it. Of course, you shouldn't have to beg someone in your life to simply respect you. If making space for conversations about your boundaries or basic mutual respect is too taxing, you're probably settling for a partner who's not worth your time and energy.

10. 'Nobody else gets to control my life'

woman telling friend nobody else gets to control my life fizkes | Shutterstock

Experts at the therapy organization Inclusive Therapists argue that true self-confidence and self-respect start with building a relationship with yourself. Women can break free from societal expectations by identifying their own priorities and creating a routine that helps them pursue their unique goals.

All of these behaviors, alongside the blunt phrases smart women say once they're finally done being nice, help empower women to move beyond simply accepting what society deems appropriate for them and give them the tools to achieve the life they deserve.

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies, focusing on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.

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