People With Actual Emotional Intelligence Can’t Stand 6 Things Everyone Else Barely Notices
shahin khalaji | PexelsWhat tends to frustrate people with emotional intelligence most is social behavior that damages overall connection. Primarily trust and respect.
Because emotionally intelligent people pay close attention to how interactions feel, not just what gets said, they notice patterns that others dismiss as no big deal. They pick up on vibes and how even subtle behaviors can throw off the energy of an entire room.
Things people with emotional intelligence can't stand that others are totally oblivious to:
1. When people use passive-aggressive communication to avoid honesty
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Honesty isn't always easy, but what the emotionally intelligent really struggle with is people avoiding their true feelings while still expressing frustration indirectly. Saying things are fine when they clearly are not fine and using sarcasm or underlying hurtful messages only exacerbates hurt feelings.
This passive-aggressive behavior only creates unnecessary tension. Communication should be productive. Hurting an unknowing party because your feelings are hurt only makes things worse. An emotionally intelligent person knows you have to rip the band-aid off to heal.
2. When someone constantly interrupts others
Emotionally intelligent people notice when talking over someone becomes a pattern. The issue is particularly upsetting when someone repeatedly speaks over quieter people in group settings. Sometimes the person is doing it inadvertently, but there's also a good chance they are doing it in order to redirect attention back to themselves.
Most people in a group might not notice when their shy friends are disrespected, but people with actual emotional intelligence feel it right away. What they have to say matters, and that's why empathic people often make a point of inviting quieter people back into the conversation.
3. When someone embarrasses another person to get a laugh
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Not everyone has the same sense of humor, but for the most part, putting someone else down for the sake of a laugh is just cruel. Emotionally intelligent people are highly sensitive to moments when humor crosses that line.
They notice when someone really isn't enjoying the jokes disguised as playful teasing, even if everyone else is laughing. Licensed therapist Phil Stark explained that when it comes to humor, "there is always a nugget of truth inside the joke."
Humor feels very different when everyone is laughing versus when one person is being laughed at. The healthiest humor leaves people feeling included, not exposed.
4. When people would rather pass the buck than take responsibility for their mistakes
What emotionally intelligent people find frustrating is watching someone twist themselves into knots trying to avoid acknowledging a mistake.
While it's natural to want to protect your ego, constantly avoiding responsibility usually creates bigger problems than the original mistake. Mainly, being cagey destroys trust.
Admitting a mistake doesn't diminish someone's character. It actually increases respect. Defensiveness damages trust far more than the original mistake ever could.
5. When someone tries to minimize another person's feelings because they feel uncomfortable
Cheering up a friend who is going through a hard time is awesome. Brushing over how someone else feels because you are uncomfortable with those heavy emotions is not. Emotionally intelligent people understand that sometimes you need to just sit in your feelings before you can start healing, even when another person's pain makes you feel bad.
Dismissing someone's emotional experience may seem harmless, but it can leave them feeling misunderstood and alone.
6. When people treat service workers with less respect than everyone else
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Someone immediately reveals their true character by how they treat people who have nothing to offer them socially. A person may be charming with friends, but if they are rude to service employees, emotionally intelligent people are completely turned off.
Kindness isn't something that's reserved for important people. How someone treats others when they don't need anything in return often reveals far more than how they behave when they're trying to impress someone. Emotionally intelligent people will not dismiss this kind of disrespect, and they certainly won't want to be in anyone's company who is willing to do it.
MeShanda Deason is a writer with a BFA in Creative Writing from Stephen F. Austin State University who covers psychology, culture, identity, and human connection.
