8 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Find Incredibly Exhausting About Everyday Life
Jasteri | ShutterstockSomeone’s emotional intelligence, or EQ, makes their lives better, for the most part. It can also be draining.
Sometimes, everyday life can be exhausting when you're navigating the minefield of other people's feelings, especially if you're highly emotionally intelligent. Yes, you can set boundaries and figure out what’s worth your time, but sometimes, these things are unavoidable. Empathy is a gift, and it’s a shame that it can have such a powerfully draining effect compared to its ignorant, careless counterpart.
Emotionally intelligent people find these things incredibly exhausting about life:
1. Being the therapist friend
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So many emotionally intelligent people end up being the therapist friend in their social networks. However, just because they are great at listening and giving good advice doesn’t mean they should be overwhelmed by their friends’ problems all the time.
Friends should absolutely be there for each other, but one-sided relationships like this offer no reciprocal support. When they are constantly absorbing all their friends' emotional baggage, of course, they’re going to be quickly worn out. Those friendships are no longer a safe space to energize themselves, but a draining part of their routine with every hangout and phone call.
2. The selfishness of society
As our society shifts toward a more narcissistic and entitled place, everyday life becomes more and more exhausting for emotionally intelligent people. They are constantly absorbing other people’s energy and emotions as their own, including toxic behaviors and mindsets.
Every time they interact with a rude stranger or notice a friend’s condescending attitude, they’re reminded of how harsh the world can be. They can’t escape people's entitlement and selfishness, and it’s discouraging every time they're faced with it.
3. Small talk
Whether it’s forced conversation with an acquaintance out in public or an interaction with a superficial person who’s only trying to feed their own ego, emotionally intelligent people are quickly drained by a lack of depth. They’re deeply feeling, self-aware people, and they need a similar energy to find value and fulfillment in their social interactions.
They do find a lot of value in being quiet, but not necessarily with someone who’s taking up a ton of space without saying anything of importance.
4. Complainers
Complaining can be truly cathartic in moderation. When we need to vent with a friend or brainstorm how to deal with a terrible co-worker, these moments require some level of complaint. However, emotionally intelligent people always accept what they’ve learned and take action to make it better. That’s their self-awareness speaking.
When someone’s never taking action and chronically complaining about the same things, that’s not just draining, it’s contagious. The more complaining we do, the more negative energy we adopt. The more negative someone becomes, the more contagious that energy is.
So, of course, in our world where everyone needs to be a victim, people with high EQs are exhausted.
5. Passive-aggressiveness
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Whether it’s using humor to hide cruelty or being vague to avoid expressing their true feelings, the most insecure, immature people resort to passive-aggressive behavior. They can’t own up to their own issues or apologize, and they rely on passive-aggressiveness to cope with internal turmoil, even when it regularly does quite the opposite.
Of course, emotionally intelligent people are direct communicators. They know how to express their feelings and work through issues because they understand the human experience. They lean into the discomfort of hard conversations. They work through issues.
This kind of mismatch in understanding and priorities within a relationship drains everyone, especially those with high EQs. They’re always left needing more and wanting resolution, but get condescending language in return.
6. Careless therapy speak
Thanks to social media, many people who have never even been to counseling have adopted therapy speak as a way of explaining away their bad behavior. When their every need isn’t being met, they claim everyone is toxic. When their excuses aren’t well-received, someone becomes a gaslighter. Perhaps worst of all, when they can't manipulate someone to behave a certain way, they insist their boundaries aren't being respected.
Just because you know the word doesn’t necessarily mean you know when it applies, and that’s exactly what exhausts truly emotionally intelligent people. Truly empathetic people don’t use these words as weapons.
7. Social performance
When it’s clear someone is changing their personality or being fake for attention, emotionally intelligent people are quickly drained. Their relationships are built on true connection, which means being around people with a real sense of identity and depth.
When they’re forced to offer constant validation or manage someone’s superficial chatter, it’s exhausting, especially when they prefer their alone time anyway.
8. Neediness
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Most emotionally intelligent people prefer their alone time because they’ve invested a lot of energy into understanding and loving themselves. Their alone time is a time to reflect and recharge without the pressure to entertain.
However, when they’re trying to rest at home and have a needy friend who requires attention, it’s draining. They are more often than not looking for an echo chamber with a complete lack of depth, and that just takes away from the important solitude that emotionally intelligent people need to thrive.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
