People Who Are Secretly Struggling In Midlife Often Do These 9 Things Subconciously
Cottonbro | PexelsYou're in your forties or fifties, maybe even sixties. By now, you've heard of self-care (who hasn't?) — so the question is: why aren’t you practicing it? No, really, why not? Yes, I know, you have a million things to do, and you aren’t sure if you’ll ever get them done, but that's no excuse.
Just know this: Exhausting yourself and trying to be Superwoman comes with a cost, and that cost is you. Nobody can do it all, even though you're falsely led to believe that you can. Too often, you worry about others and try to take care of them — but you don't worry about yourself.
Of course, it’s alright to chip away at your to-do list; you can't ignore your responsibilities: Do a little today and then a little tomorrow, and so on. But make sure you listen to your body and take breaks when you need to, especially in middle age, where things start taking a toll more deeply than they used to. Aging isn't for the weak, but it doesn't have to be a struggle, either — the great news is you can stop being a person who's not taking care of themselves.
Here are subconscious signs someone's struggling hard in midlife:
1. They get sick a lot
According to the CDC, the average adult gets around two to three colds per year. If someone finds that they're getting sick way more often than that, it may be because their body is in need of some TLC. Chronic stress, lack of sleep, no exercise, and poor nutrition can all contribute to wearing your body down over time, leading to you getting sick more than most.
2. They snap at other people for no reason
There's no denying that irritating things are bound to happen from day to day. However, if someone is extremely annoyed by even the smallest transgressions and takes their anger out on people who don't deserve it, it may be a sign that they're not taking good care of themself and really struggling in midlife.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Adam Borland cautions that "irritability can lead to depression, anxiety, panic, anger management issues, substance abuse, and other conditions, and left unchecked, it can lead to more significant concerns."
3. Their friends and loved ones start pulling away
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Frustration is a natural stress response, but when someone is taking good care of themself, the feeling comes and goes. Left unchecked, irritability and frustration can become chronic and lead to aggressive behavior. If people constantly feel like they have to walk on eggshells around someone, they may no longer want to spend time in their presence.
When friends and loved ones withdraw, it can be a strong indicator that someone is not taking care of themself. Social withdrawal often stems from a lack of emotional availability or unhealthy behaviors that strain relationships, which is a subconscious signal for others to create distance to protect themselves.
4. They rely on caffeine, wine, or some other substance to get through the day
We all have coping mechanisms to get us through the hard days, but if someone is constantly turning to things like caffeine and other substances to temporarily feel better, it's a sign of an underlying issue or issues that should be addressed.
While unhealthy coping mechanisms such as alcohol, painkillers, and even caffeine provide temporary relief, they often make the underlying problems worse in the long run. Denise Graham, a counselor at Cleveland Clinic's Alcohol and Drug Recovery Center, explains that "if you rely on alcohol for happiness and pleasure, or even to numb the stress, that can actually cause significant problems down the road. You're not learning how to healthily cope with things as they are right now."
5. They dread going to work
Even those who love their jobs sometimes have days when they'd rather just stay home. However, consistently abandoning projects you once felt excited about, skating by doing the bare minimum, or calling out of work altogether are red flags that suggest your lack of motivation may be due to something more serious.
Consistently dreading going to work is a strong indicator that you are not adequately taking care of your mental and emotional health, often signifying signs of poor work-life balance, or underlying stress that could impact your overall health if left unaddressed.
6. They are always tired and can't seem to shake it
Feeling tired throughout the day is normal; feeling tired throughout the day every single day is not normal. A constant lack of energy can be caused by both physical and mental ailments that should be addressed sooner rather than later. Geriatric medicine specialist Dr. Ardeshir Hashimi puts it this way: "Sure, it's normal to tire more easily as you age, but that doesn't mean you should always feel exhausted." If you are, schedule a check-up with your pediatrician stat.
7. They're on edge and worry all the time
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It's natural to worry from time to time, but if you feel squeezed from all angles all the time, it may be a signal from your body that something's gotta give. Constantly feeling on edge and worrying excessively is a strong indicator of poor self-care, as it may point towards an underlying anxiety disorder or a more serious mental health issue.
8. They don't treat themselves to anything special
If all you do is work, come home, rinse and repeat, you're bound to start feeling burnt out. We all deserve a little treat now and again. Whether that's ordering takeout on a night that you don't feel like making dinner or spending an extra hour in bed on a weekend morning just because, it's critical to have something to look forward to — even if it's just as simple as a pedicure appointment or a FaceTime with your grandchild.
9. They've stopped trying new things
Feeling bored by everything and not being able to find joy in everyday life is a sign that you've been all work and no play for far too long. Avoiding trying new things can be considered neglecting self-care, and can also stem from a fear of the unknown. Don't let yourself stagnate by refusing to try anything new — that's how our mental muscles atrophy.
If you didn’t say "yes" to any of the above things, then good for you; you've mastered the art of self-care into your forties, fifties, wherever you may be in life. This is not an easy thing to do.
BUT: If you said "yes" to even one of these things, then you aren’t worried about yourself enough or taking very good care of yourself, and you need to take a moment. Way too many people say "yes" to this list. We live in a fast-paced society and are constantly told to do more, to get ahead, especially women. But this leaves us feeling empty and like it’s never enough. You are enough, and that's it, period, end of story.
Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. She is dedicated to helping couples and has completed Levels 1, 2, and 3 at The Gottman Institute.
