10 Things Women In Their 40s Are Too Tired To Care About Anymore
fizkes | ShutterstockWhile aging for women is often nuanced and incredibly personal, collectively, many women experience a lot of benefits from getting older.
Despite what societal norms and unrealistic beauty standards pressure women to believe, their aging process is a superpower. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, all the things women in their 40s are too tired to care about anymore serve them in their best interest. They start living for themselves, or at least, to protect their own energy, rather than falling victim to constant people-pleasing.
Here are 10 things women in their 40s are too tired to care about anymore
1. Being liked by everyone
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Many people are worried about how others perceive them, but in reality, we're often creating unrealistic, unnecessary amounts of internal anxiety and stress by caring, especially around people who are usually too caught up in themselves to even notice us.
When women in their 40s stop caring about what other people think, the world opens up for them. They no longer have to take on the social anxiety of making space for others or putting their needs on the back burner to perform a personality they think someone else would like. They can live for themselves, no matter what that looks like, and experience the joy of authenticity without restrictions.
2. Clinging to friendships that drain them
Even if it's easier to boast a million friendships and distract ourselves from quietness with social interactions, having superficial relationships isn't always the "flex" people think it is. In fact, if you're never truly connecting with or speaking to anyone, you're probably draining your social battery yearning for it underneath the surface of small talk.
As they get older, women stop needing the validation of a million friends and start investing in the relationships that actually provide value, even if it's just the one they have with themselves.
3. Saying 'yes' when they want to say 'no'
Instead of putting other people's needs before their own and adopting the agreeable attitudes social norms pressure women into, as they get older, self-assured women say "no" more than they say "yes." They're more interested in protecting their peace with boundaries and alone time than they are in distracting themselves with social time or appeasing others.
Even if it's not always comfortable or easy, they've grown into adulthood with the phrase "no" firmly in their back pocket.
4. Competing with other women
In a patriarchal society, where male validation and attention are most important, it's not surprising that women often get pitted against each other in the pursuit of men, success, or attention. When they work together and empower one another, they're harder to control. Even if they're not adopting traditional norms in other aspects of their lives, certain women can find it hard to notice when their mindsets are inherently rooted in looking down upon and competing with women.
However, when they get older and start to cherish their female friendships and quality time more often, without insecurities and low self-esteem lingering in the background, it becomes a lot easier to avoid the traditional norms that urged them to compete.
5. Chasing people's attention who don't care
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Many women are socialized into seeking attention from others, especially from men, at a young age. They're urged to be agreeable and to put everyone else's needs before their own, even if it comes at their own expense. However, as they get older and start to realize the harm in putting people's opinions before their own, more women start to shift their attitude.
Not only does people-pleasing and seeking attention from men become exhausting, but women who are truly self-assured find it emotionally destabilizing to always yearn for someone else's validation.
6. Taking on unbalanced roles in their relationships
There's a reason why working husbands have much more leisure time than working mothers, as a study from Pew Research Center explains, because they often pass off more of the daily tasks and obligations their wives automatically assume. Even when it comes at the expense of their well-being and energy levels, mothers and women often adopt traditional expectations for labor at home, even if they're also working and earning more than their partners.
However, as they get older, they both start to realize their own worth outside of mothering identities and notice how unsustainable their routines are. They no longer take on obligations and unbalanced roles in their relationships, because their individual energy is more important than constantly showing up for others without fail.
7. Feeling too guilty to rest
When they're doing all the household labor at home, taking on the main parent role, and putting other people's needs ahead of their own, it's not surprising that they feel guilty for resting. They're not living with their own well-being and energy in mind, so it's easy to be distracted and sacrifice it. That's part of why women are often chronically unrested compared to their male counterparts: at some point in their lives, their self-worth became tangled up in outcomes, productivity, and people-pleasing rather than self-assuredness and self-care.
However, as women get older and begin to unwind the societal programming they've been integrated with, they focus more on themselves. As kids grow up and the reality of time becomes more prevalent, hence "midlife crises" around this age, the more they start to care for themselves, whether it's with alone time or rest.
8. Holding themselves to outdated stereotypes
From putting pressure on themselves to be married with kids by a certain age or even adopting stereotypical feminine self-expression, women over 40 are far too tired to hold themselves to these outdated ideals. If traditional norms feel good and grounding, that's one thing, but if they're only taking on more stress and frustration by trying to follow them, they're not worth keeping around.
Especially as these women get older and experience a more stable sense of self-worth, as a study from Frontiers in Public Health suggests, they can make their own choices without worrying about external praise or conforming to abstract norms and stereotypes.
9. Going back to toxic people for closure
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Self-forgiveness is often the key to better happiness and well-being, especially in women, but that starts with the self-assuredness to walk away from toxic relationships and move on. If a woman can learn to forgive herself and make sense of her hurt without external validation, she doesn't need to keep going back to people who don't deserve her presence in the name of "closure."
Especially for women aging and getting older, noticing how precious their time and energy really are, they're no longer clinging to relationships or holding onto old pain that doesn't do them any good.
10. Living for other people
Even though taking on an all-encompassing parenthood identity as a mother can feel rewarding at times, as women get older and their kids grow up, they're no longer interested in living their lives completely for other people. Even if it's for their parents or partner, they're more fulfilled and happy when they can authentically live, instead of living only for someone or something else.
Instead of winding up their self-worth with a career, relationship, or identity as a parent, they figure out ways to pour into it themselves, whether that's through hobbies, daily rituals, or simple alone time.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
