11 Smart Phrases High-IQ People Use To Shut Down Arguments

If an argument is going nowhere, high-IQ people know it's a waste of time, and they have plenty of smart phrases to shut down the disagreement without much fanfare.

According to professor and health expert Dr. Bruce Y. Lee, MD, these phrases are called circuit breakers. "It means abruptly, drastically changing the course of the argument by either throwing in a curveball of niceness or levity or taking a brief break with a specified time limit," he explained. That's the way brilliant people do it.

These are the smart phrases that brilliant people say to shut an argument down:

1. 'I don't have time for this right now'

high-iq man telling girlfriend he doesn't have time for their argument Olena Yakobchuk | Shutterstock

If someone wants to let you know that the argument is over, they may say something along the lines of, "I don't have time for this right now." They won't mean it as rude at all. Instead, it will simply serve as a method to shut down the argument that isn't helping anyone anymore.

Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Patrice Berry, PsyD, explained what serves as the catalyst for a lot of arguments. "Many arguments start with a misunderstanding or miscommunication," she said. "We often see people from our perspective and filter their words and behavior through what we would say or do instead of remembering that they are separate from us."

By putting their foot down and saying they don't have time to argue, a brilliant person is letting you know where their priorities lie. Winning an argument or making sure a misunderstanding is resolved is not as important to them as their personal peace.

2. 'Just forget about it'

high-iq woman stopped argument by telling friend to forget about it Kmpzzz | Shutterstock

By suggesting that you forget about it, they're implying that they'll do the same thing. This way, you can both move on to whatever is really essential to the two of you, whether it involves both of you or not.

Psychologist Abby Medcalf, PhD, shared that "it takes two to have an argument." If one person gives up on the argument completely, it is effectively diffused. A brilliant person knows that simply ending an argument and walking away is the quickest and easiest way to deal with it. They will go ahead and put a stop to the conversation you're having to avoid any further issues.

3. 'You're not understanding my point of view'

high-iq man shutting down argument with girlfriend by telling her she doesn't understand DimaBerlin | Shutterstock

If an intelligent person feels like you don't know where they're coming from, they'll let you know. To have a successful argument that actually moves you both forward, you'll need to both understand the other's perspective. Not doing so is a sure way to keep talking in circles and never resolve anything.

Medcalf also pointed out that, during arguments, people usually focus on the facts instead of on their feelings. But doing the opposite could turn the whole argument on its head.

"Stop focusing on being right and getting your partner to believe or agree with your side of things," she said. "Instead, focus on how you're feeling. The wonderful thing here is that your feelings can't be wrong. So, while someone could continue to argue with you about the 'facts' of a situation, they can't tell you that you don't feel a certain way."

A brilliant person knows that their feelings come before the facts. If you can't see that, then they probably see no point in continuing to argue with you. They'll cut things off as soon as possible, making it clear that you simply did not get them.

4. 'There's no use arguing'

high-iq wife shutting down argument with husband NDAB Creativity | Shutterstock

If a brilliant person sees no use in arguing with you, they'll let you know in a very straightforward way. They won't want to waste their time. And, quite frankly, they see no reason to waste yours either. They won't argue just for the sake of arguing or attempting to come out as the "winner." Instead, they'll cut things off and move on with their day.

Dr. Lee explained how pointless it is to actually try and win an argument. "When you have an argument with someone you actually care about in some way, if your goal is to win the argument, you will lose," he said. "But when it comes to any meaningful relationship, truly winning an argument means finding some way to make the proceedings more constructive than destructive."

A brilliant person understands that there is really no point to arguing or trying to come out victorious. It just leads to more pain and confusion. It's best to steer the conversation in a more constructive direction, as Dr. Lee recommended, or to let it go altogether.

5. 'I don't think we should discuss this further'

upset woman not wanting to discuss anything further with man Svitlana Hulko | Shutterstock

"I don't think we should discuss this further" isn't rude, but it's straight to the point. It makes it clear that this topic is one to avoid between the two of you. If there's no way to agree, and no resolution has been reached, it's best to just let the issue go and move on.

Conflict expert and associate professor Samantha J. Shebib, PhD, revealed that arguing a lot is not actually detrimental to relationships. The thing that can end them is the manner in which you argue. In other words, if you're arguing in a way that repeatedly attacks the other person, it could be more dangerous than arguing frequently.

Intelligent people know this, and they know to shut down harmful arguments right where they are. The satisfaction of winning would never be equivalent to keeping a relationship intact. This phrase also warns off any future arguments on the same topic, taking care of multiple issues at once.

6. 'I get what you're trying to say'

high-iq woman shut down argument by telling friend she gets what she's saying ViDI Studio | Shutterstock

A high-IQ person will use this phrase to demonstrate that they understand where you're coming from. It's actually a sign of active listening, which means that person is truly engaged in what you're saying and cares about it, even if they don't agree. If someone is listening to you, it's a sign that they think highly of you, even if they don't feel the same way about your opinion.

According to clinical psychologist Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, "Active listening requires de-centering from one's fixed position to be fully present with another. It helps people feel more understood and strengthens relationships as it signals a willingness to sit with the other's perspective and empathy for their situation instead of singular focus on oneself."

A brilliant person knows all about active listening and how important it is to a true two-way conversation. Even if they don't like what you're saying, they'll still listen out of a desire to understand you and your point of view. That's how you know that they're brilliant.

7. 'We can both have our own opinion'

high-iq woman shut down argument by telling friend they can both have their own opinions Srdjan Randjelovic | Shutterstock

The world is a better place when there is diversity of thought and opinion. To end an argument, they'll point out that you can both take different sides of an issue, and that's completely fine.

Social ethicist and communications expert Melody Stanford Martin said that disagreeing respectfully can actually be a doorway to another conversation, one that serves as a launching pad for better understanding each other. While this phrase may end the argument, it doesn't have to end the conversation altogether. Instead, it can lead to something better.

Accepting that people can have differing opinions and still find the space to get along is a hallmark of a brilliant person. They know a disagreement doesn't have to be the end, but rather, the start of something new and interesting.

8. 'We don't have to agree'

high-iq wife shut down argument with husband by telling him they don't have to agree Goksi | Shutterstock

This smart phrase shows they know agreement isn't necessary to get along and maintain a relationship. The end of an argument is not the end of the world. Instead, it actually shows that you two have grown in your relationship and come to understand each other better.

Clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer, PhD, explained how this concept has been an invaluable tool for him to use in his own work with couples. "The fact is that in a long-term, committed relationship, when circumstances oblige you to confront significant differences with your partner, nothing could be more crucial than agreeing to disagree," he said.

This truth really translates to any relationship, not just romantic ones. You have to be willing to disagree and accept that if you want the relationship to work. Brilliant people understand this and want to work together regardless of the status of your respective opinions.

9. 'Arguing isn't working'

high-iq boyfriend telling girlfriend that arguing isn't working Prostock-studio | Shutterstock

Arguing has its place in human conversations. It's often said that relationships fare better when people argue than when they stifle and shove emotions away. Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Maria Thestrup, PhD, pointed out how true this is, saying, "Conflict is an opportunity for two people to actually grow and understand themselves better."

If a brilliant person says that arguing just isn't working, it means they recognize something important. They can see that, despite the fact that arguing can be helpful, this particular argument is not. You're going nowhere together. In that case, it's better to just leave the argument where it is and move on.

10. 'Can we talk about this later?'

high-iq woman asking friend to talk about their disagreement later Prostock-studio | Shutterstock

Deferring an argument can be a smart move. It suggests the topic isn't shut down completely and that there may still be space and time for it later, depending on how things go. But the important thing is that it shuts down the argument in the moment, which is why one of the phrases brilliant people say when they've decided you're not worth arguing with anymore is "Can we talk about this later?"

Dr. Berry noted that putting off an argument for an unknown future date can be a good thing. "This can be an effective way to request a break from the conversation," she said. "Often during a heated argument, it can be helpful to step back from the conversation before attempting to resolve the issue or find a solution."

High-IQ people know that everyone needs a cooling-off period, and it's best not to push anyone to their absolute limit. Shutting down an argument by suggesting that you reconvene later is a solid way for someone to tell you that the conversation needs to end for now, before things get worse.

11. 'Let's try to work together'

high-iq couple trying to work together to shut down argument ViDI Studio | Shutterstock

An intelligent person knows that the only way to really work through an issue is to do it together. You can argue all you want, but that doesn't change the fact that real, effective change comes from working together. Arguing has its benefits, but it only goes so far. Working together is where real power lies.

Better yet, working together is even more potent when the people involved have differing views. Experts from Yale University said, "A team environment allows individuals to bring their diverse perspectives to problem-solving, which in turn increases their success at arriving at solutions more efficiently and effectively."

Choosing to work together ends an argument and starts a new collaboration all in one fell swoop. It's really a dream situation. That's why brilliant people love it so much.

Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.

Exceptionally High-IQ People Use 11 Smart Phrases To Immediately Shut Down Arguments