Couples Who Pretty Much Never Argue About Money Share 6 Rare Beliefs
fizkes / ShutterstockA few years ago, my mom went through a pretty messy divorce. While she was able to leave my dad, she wasn’t able to leave his financial mistakes.
She grew up being taught to trust her husband to handle their finances. However, my dad didn’t do the best job of that. By the time they got divorced, he'd spent most of the money that they'd saved together. She spent years trying to climb out of the financial hole he left her in.
Because of this, she always stressed the importance of having healthy discussions with your partner about money. She’d learned the hard way how money can harm a relationship and taught me ways to avoid arguing with my partner about it. When partners get on the same page about how they want to spend or save their money, it can create a happier and more peaceful relationship.
Happily married couples who almost never argue about money share these rare beliefs
1. Both partners should have financial independence
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When you're married, couples often make a joint bank account. This can be helpful to work towards saving for something you both want, like a house. Still, if a couple focuses on joint financial spending, it can leave some partners feeling stifled.
Maintaining some degree of financial independence has been shown to make married women feel empowered. Knowing that you can independently spend or save money keeps people from feeling trapped or stifled. By allowing personal spending outside a couple’s goals or budget, each person can continue to feel in control of their own lives. Without this, conflict is likely to arise down the line.
2. Using a solid budget as a guideline for spending is crucial
The first step to creating a workable budget is giving each partner the space to have financial independence, but it doesn't stop there. There are many other steps, including savings goals and monthly bills.
Creating too many restrictions on how to spend your money can lead to overspending. People who haven't spent money in a while often overcompensate by spending too much when they finally get the chance. On the other hand, a budget that is too open could lead to arguments. Partners might get frustrated at how their significant other spends money, even if they never set that boundary.
Couples that create a budget that works well for them can avoid these problems. They also adjust their budget as their financial situation changes, adjusting their spending to match how much money they are making at a given time.
3. Compromise is essential at times
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People usually have different ways they want to spend their money. When a couple combines their money, they might need to adjust some of their financial habits to support their partner's financial goals. A couple with a joint fund has to learn to agree on how to spend their money.
Maybe your husband really wants a new fishing rod, but you want to renovate your porch. If you don’t have enough money to buy a fishing rod and furniture, it might feel like one partner has to give up what they want. This can create resentment in the partner who gave up their wish.
Couples who don’t argue about money don’t try to win each time they reach an impasse like this. They think of solutions that make both partners happy. Maybe they’ll start a new savings account for each of them, putting in a little money every month. Whenever they make enough for both of them to get what they want, they can go make their purchases.
This is just one way to compromise, but there are many ways to approach this. Happy couples work to find compromises that work best for them.
4. Both partners have something to learn from the other
The reason my parents had so many issues with their finances was that they didn’t have the same level of financial education. My dad had a better understanding of it than my mom did. My mom's financial illiteracy left her feeling unprepared to handle money, so she stopped contributing to decisions about it.
One partner shouldn't be in charge of all the financial decisions. Without collaborating, both people probably won’t get what they want. If one person doesn’t know much about money, their partner should help them. This way, they can both have a sufficient understanding of money to make decisions as a team.
Teaching your partner about money isn’t just about making better financial decisions. It shows that a partner who knows how to handle money still has confidence in their other partner's intelligence. They believe they can learn, and they want to help them on that journey.
Also, couples who continue to teach each other about money whenever they learn new information can make better decisions. Financial literacy has been shown to influence someone's general financial well-being. When both partners understand how to manage money, they can improve their financial situation.
5. Communication should be open-ended
The biggest problem with my parents and their financial situation was their lack of communication. My dad wasn't honest about how they were doing financially. He didn't tell her about losing money or investments he was making.
Honesty is crucial when you have a joint account with your spouse. When a couple decides to combine their finances, it takes away some of their authority over their money. This isn't always a bad thing. It can foster the trust you have in your partner. If you trust a partner to be open about money, you might begin to trust them in other ways as well. By being honest about finances, partners can build trust and good communication in their relationship.
6. Life is too short to let money get in the way of your relationship
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Being part of a couple can create financial stress, which can create tension within the relationship. It might make partners resentful of each other if they are constantly fighting about money.
Couples that avoid arguing over finances know that money isn't everything. When they are struggling with their finances, they don't react by yelling at their partner or picking a fight. Instead, they focus on being loving partners while they figure out their financial situation.
Couples who share their finances generally want and expect to stay together for a long time. They are financially investing in the relationship. You shouldn't let money ruin a relationship you are happy in. Happy couples remember that life is short and that time should be spent loving each other.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
