8 Casually Cruel Phrases People Who Act Sweet But Don't Really Respect You Often Use

As much as most people like to believe they can spot disrespectful people off the bat, in reality, they're harder to pick out, especially if they're using their charm to mask the vitriol inside. From telling you to smile more to muttering, "That's cute," people have plenty of ways to undermine your intelligence and casually diss you.

People who act sweet but have zero respect for you often say these things casually:

1. 'Relax, it's not that big of a deal'

woman telling friend relax it's not that big of a deal Pheelings media | Shutterstock

On the surface, this might seem like a careless phrase someone said without thinking. Yet, whether they meant to or not, the result is the same: someone gets hurt. Feeling rejected is one of the worst feelings someone can experience. According to the American Psychological Association, things such as social rejection can lead to anger, anxiety, depression, jealousy, and sadness. It can also increase aggression and make it harder to concentrate. Yet, it's still a subtle phrase people use when they don't respect you but still want to come across as nice.

2. 'If you say so'

young man shrugging saying if you say so Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock

Most people who don't want to argue or make a scene will use this phrase to move the subject along. However, the implication and tone of voice should make you raise an eyebrow. Whether you noticed it or not, saying this phrase implies that what you said was both insignificant and wrong.

This is probably why this disrespectful phrase is so subtle. Most people might not understand what the other person is implying, but the intention is clear: you're wrong, and you aren't worth the effort of an honest conversation. This, in turn, creates misunderstandings, which, according to a 2019 study, lead to more conflict. So, if someone truly doesn't mean to disrespect someone, it's better to be honest and upfront. Because the only other option than this is to be insincere and disrespectful.

3. 'That's cute'

woman telling friend that's cute Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock

When you think of someone uttering this phrase, what comes to mind? Is it perhaps someone looking at their phone, muttering this phrase, and scrolling back on TikTok? Because you wouldn't be alone. Let's face it: this cutesy phrase is one of the most disrespectful and dismissive phrases someone can use.

4. 'I didn't think you'd care'

man telling partner i didn't think you'd care simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock

It's especially frustrating when someone says this phrase because it's completely dismissive. After all, saying 'I didn't think you'd care' is essentially saying, 'I didn't consider your opinion at all.' This is especially true if it's someone close to you.

That said, there's a bigger problem: the blatant disrespect this phrase carries. According to a 2020 study, feeling unimportant leads people to perceive their life as lacking meaning. So, don't feel bad if you're upset or offended when people say this poison-apple-dripping-in-honey phrase.

5. 'You should smile more'

woman being told you should smile more Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock

Another sweet phrase people use when they don't actually respect you is, "You should smile more." Not only is this dismissive of your feelings, but it also shows how little this person truly cares. After all, if someone truly loved and valued you, then they wouldn't be sitting here telling you to smile. Instead, they would ask if you're okay and be there for you. The next time someone tells you to smile more, respond with, "Give me something to smile about."

6. 'I was just being honest'

woman yelling i was just being honest Mladen Mitrinovic | Shutterstock

Sure, someone can be honest and sweet about it at the same time, but not everything someone thinks needs to be said. From comments on people's appearance to how they live their lives, some opinions should stay quiet. As licensed marriage and family therapist Jason Whiting, Ph.D., explained, "Being honest in relationships does not mean spouting off the first thing that comes to mind, especially when you are tense."

With this in mind, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. If someone utters a hurtful or rude comment and then follows up with this phrase, say, "There's a difference between being honest and being rude."

7. 'You don't seem like the type'

man telling colleague you don't seem like the type fizkes | Shutterstock

Has someone ever told you that you don't seem like the type? You might not think much of it, since most people tend to disguise it as a compliment. However, depending on the context, this phrase can go from kind to a subtle way people signal that they don't respect you.

For example, let's say you're in a meeting with a coworker. Afterward, they come up to you and respond positively to your leadership and input. However, at the end of that conversation, all of this can come across as completely disingenuous when they utter the phrase, "I was shocked that you took control. You don't seem like the type."

8. 'Well, that's one way to look at it'

woman telling man well that's one way to look at it Gaudi Lab | Shutterstock

Finally, the last faux-sweet phrase people use when they don't actually respect you is "Well, that's one way to look at it." If people are being completely honest, this is one of the most passive-aggressive phrases someone can use. Not only is someone being dismissive, but they're also judging the other person.

From their thinking to the ideas they share, shutting someone down by judging their input is one of the most disrespectful things someone can do. Whether they mean it that way or not, the result is the same: the other person feels rejected.

Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.

People Who Act Sweet But Don’t Really Respect You Often Use 8 Casually Cruel Phrases