No One Should Ever Learn 8 Specific Things From Anyone Other Than Their Husband Or Wife
MAYA LAB / ShutterstockWhen an especially worrying issue crops up, anyone might worry about how their spouse may react to the news. Still, it’s not fair to leave the person who loves you and is supposed to be your primary partner in this world in the dark about something that will likely affect them, too.
Marriages need clear, honest communication to survive, and that’s never more important than when you're faced with the kind of news that needs to be shared between spouses before anyone else knows. Plus, when you tell others something you're keeping secret from your husband or wife, you risk them finding out from someone else, which probably won't be good for anyone.
8 things no one should ever have to learn about from anyone other than your husband or wife
1. One spouse being diagnosed with an illness
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A serious medical issue is something that couples need to face together. Even though only one of them is sick, that doesn’t mean that the other one isn’t deeply affected.
Their life changes as they become a caregiver and adjust to their new normal. As psychiatrist Susan Lehmann said, “Being a care partner can leave a person feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.”
No one wants to hear that their husband or wife is sick from another family member or friend. It’s a hard subject to bring up, but they shouldn’t practice by telling someone else first.
2. A struggle their child is facing
When kids have any kind of problem, whether it’s academic, behavioral, emotional, or something else, it’s important for their parents to present a united front.
That’s the kind of thing that changes the child’s relationship with both parents and the rest of their family, so it’s not the best time to honor their request to not tell mom or dad. It would be really awkward for the other parent to hear about it from a teacher who assumes they know everything.
Husbands and wives are in it together when they become parents. It would hurt if their child’s well-being turned into a secret one of them was keeping from the other.
3. Legal troubles
Legal trouble sounds like a pretty extreme situation most people don’t expect to face, but it still happens all the time. Maybe it’s a pretty small issue that can be resolved quickly, or maybe it’s going to be drawn out for a while. Either way, couples have to be honest about it.
Any kind of legal problem can come with emotional consequences that one spouse shouldn’t go through on their own. People also have to remember that being married means being legally bound to someone, so they won’t be able to keep those kinds of issues hidden forever.
Hearing about a lawsuit from a friend has got to be one of the most uncomfortable things ever, so it should never happen that way.
4. The fact that their spouse is thinking about separation
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When one spouse feels like the marriage isn’t working anymore, it would make sense for them to reach out to a close friend or family member for advice. They just need to make sure the person they go to for support doesn’t end up spilling the beans.
Psychologist Susan Heitler, PhD, said, “Marriage problems need fixing, not ignoring.” That means venting to a friend isn’t going to do much if it isn’t followed up by real conversations between a couple.
Even if the marriage is past the point of saving, that’s something people deserve to hear directly from their husband or wife. A third party shouldn’t be the one to tell them their life is about to change.
5. Money problems
Financial problems can hit any family no matter how much money they have, and they can be a big source of stress for everyone. No one wants to find out their family has fallen on hard times from a notice in the mail or a call from a debt collector.
It’s even more important for a spouse to be transparent when they caused the money issues. If they cover up something that was their fault, it’s like a double betrayal.
Finances aren’t a fun topic for the closest of couples, so it would be nice to avoid it. But husbands and wives need to tell each other the truth instead of taking the easy way out.
6. Having lost their job
Unemployment has a huge impact on an entire family. It can feel embarrassing, even when it’s part of a round of mass layoffs, but it’s definitely not something to keep quiet.
Anyone who loses their job obviously has to deal with an emotional roller coaster afterwards. Their spouse goes through the same kind of turmoil though, so it’s not like they can protect them from it somehow.
A big change like that isn’t the kind of thing someone wants to learn about from anyone other than their husband or wife. It’s better for them to be straightforward and deal with it together.
7. A relative receiving a concerning diagnosis
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It’s not just their spouse’s health that people want to know about. Changes for other family members need to be discussed openly, too.
As their parents age, it’s especially important for couples to talk about their health. They’re at the time in their lives when they have to think about moving to an assisted living facility or getting help at home. Even if they don’t want to admit it, that’s a big deal.
It would be pretty strange for someone to hear about how much their mother-in-law’s health has declined from their sister-in-law instead of their spouse just because they didn’t want to process it. Husbands and wives have to tackle that challenge as a team.
8. Any huge mistake
There are endless bad choices one person can make that would affect their spouse. Everything from cheating to addiction makes a difference in a marriage.
They can’t ignore the problem instead of talking about it. That leaves the door open for their husband or wife to find out something serious and potentially hurtful from someone totally random. That would probably cause even more pain than the original mistake.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
