People In Unbreakably Strong Marriages Rarely Ever Say 11 Disrespectful Phrases To Each Other
Ann Haritonenko | ShutterstockPeople in good marriages know that some seemingly normal phrases are actually disrespectful. They can tell because hearing them is cringeworthy and uncomfortable. They don't ignore those negative feelings; instead, they address them head-on, which makes their marriage stronger than most.
People in unbreakably strong marriages rarely ever say things to each other:
1. 'You're overreacting'
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On the surface, telling your spouse they are overreacting can seem like a normal expression of your opinion. But in a good marriage, you know this invalidates your feelings and makes you feel unheard. It suggests your thoughts and emotions aren't respected and that your spouse may not be empathetic to your needs.
Healthy relationships are ones where emotions are validated, even when they are not understood immediately. Avoid dismissive or belittling phrases, and try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Good partners listen, not disregard.
2. 'That's just how I am'
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There is a thin line between accepting a person for who they are and accepting the fact that they have no intention of growing and evolving. To be clear, you shouldn't marry someone you want to change, but part of growing old together means seeing problems within your control and making the necessary adjustments.
In a solid marriage, people want to make it work, so they adapt for the partnership. Using your terrible personality as an excuse to be inconsiderate is not only a red flag but a potential dealbreaker. Disrespectful language isn't just a personality trait to excuse. It's toxic behavior you should leave behind.
3. 'You're acting crazy'
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Saying this to someone is a way to gaslight them and make their emotions seem unreasonable or like an understandable reaction. Insinuating that a person might be suffering from mental illness because you don't like or agree with what they are saying is dismissive and disrespectful.
A good husband or wife never weaponizes someone's emotional reactions. They understand that sometimes the person they love will be upset or passionate about something, and they give them space to be that. Good marriages tend to avoid the disrespect that people in toxic relationships might experience.
4. 'It's not a big deal'
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How much something matters depends on who you are talking to. What means nothing to you can mean everything to someone else. So, minimizing a concern your spouse has is another form of disrespect. By telling them that it's not a big deal, you're saying that they're so illogical that their worries don't need to be addressed.
In a great marriage, if it matters to him or her, it matters to you, too. You care about what they care about because you love them. Dismissing something they care deeply about, no matter how small you think it is, is not how you work with them. People who do that are just lazy communicators, unwilling to do the work to create a thriving relationship.
5. 'You always...' or 'You never...'
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No one does a thing the exact same way every time. So, when blanket statements are made, accusing your partner of always or never doing something, it's a clear sign that you are agitated and want them to know it. Your all-consuming interpretations are disrespectful and dismissive. Statements like this shut down conversations that need to happen and ignore nuances in your partner's behavior. It's an exaggerated blame-fest that can make them question their reality and hesitate to follow their natural inclinations in the future.
6. 'Calm down'
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My biggest pet peeve is when I'm talking passionately about something, and someone tells me to calm down. The problem is that I was calm before they said it, and now I'm not. When a spouse interrupts to tell their other half to calm down, it does a lot more harm than good and is very disrespectful. Not to mention, it rarely works.
Saying "Calm down" adds fuel to the fire and can make your partner feel triggered by the notion that they are out of control. Good marriages have two people who know that you can only de-escalate situations with patience and empathy, not with condescending commands.
7. 'I guess I can't do anything right'
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Having a pity party instead of taking accountability when your spouse calls you out is very manipulative. It's the "Uno reverse" card of communication. Instead of listening and trying to understand your wife or husband's perspective, you guilt them, which takes you out of the hot seat.
Guilt trips are not a part of a great marriage. Discussions are healthy, and each person acknowledges when they are at fault and makes reparations as necessary. Two healthy partners have concluded that accountability matters more than ego. They put their pride aside and communicate effectively.
8. 'You should be grateful'
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Let's be honest. In a world full of fakes and phonies, finding your person is a blessing. But gratitude should never be one-sided. In toxic couplings, a disrespectful spouse might see themselves as superior to their partner and say things that make their position very clear.
Healthy couples appreciate each other. They don't demand gratitude or force it. Their respect and admiration are mutual, and they both believe they are lucky to be together. Real love does not keep score or use its value as leverage to get the upper hand in a relationship.
9. 'You're too sensitive'
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We all know this statement is meant to minimize an issue and make a person's emotions seem off base or out of the norm. It disrespects their right to compassion and understanding and makes them less apt to speak up in the future. Telling your partner they are too sensitive can subconsciously make them try to be less emotional, and that's not necessarily a good thing.
Only you get to define your emotional threshold. No one can dictate how sensitive you are to what you experience. In strong marriages, people don't mock sensitivity. They note it, respect it, and care for it.
10. 'That's your problem, not mine'
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The idea behind joining in holy matrimony is to embark on a shared journey through life. Your problems become your partner's, and theirs become yours. Checking out isn't an option, and if you do, you are especially disrespectful to everything you've committed to.
In a good partnership, you are willing to make your partner's issues your own. You offer support and solutions to help them get through hard times because you want them at their best. Emotional abandonment is one of the biggest red flags in a potential partner and a major red flag in an existing spouse.
11. 'You knew what you were getting into'
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Just because something was overlooked earlier in the relationship doesn't mean you shouldn't grow and learn to do better. It's disrespectful to tell someone that because they gave you grace and forgave your transgressions before, they now have a license to walk all over you.
Telling your partner that they knew what they were getting into shuts down any possibility of evolution and transformation. In a good marriage, people can and should change for the better. It's okay to forgive, with the expectation that both parties will learn from the experience and let go of old patterns.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and has written seven books. She writes lifestyle and human-interest stories that offer informative, actionable guidance on relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
