5 Behaviors That Come Naturally To Couples Who Respect Each Other But Are Very Challenging For Those Who Don't
NDAB Creativity | ShutterstockWhen couples truly respect and admire each other, their relationship feels effortless. But when that respect is missing, it makes it truly difficult to care about one another and create good habits.
According to relationship coach Esther Ku, there are certain behaviors in relationships that are evident among couples who share a deep respect. And it sets them apart from couples who lack this key component of a healthy connection.
Behaviors that come naturally to couples who respect one another
1. They always assume the best
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It's easy to think the worst of someone. Even when that person is someone close to you, it's not uncommon to make a snap judgment about them, assuming that they did something wrong.
But people usually don't mean to hurt you, even if it feels that way. As Ku pointed out, "By committing to always assume positive intent, you give each other the benefit of the doubt, which reduces unnecessary conflict and fosters trust."
Couples should take it easy on one another, acknowledging that everything doesn't have to turn into a fight. When both partners have a deep love and respect for each other and their relationship, they give them the benefit of the doubt.
By assuming they're leading with good intent, it prevents knee-jerk responses. It also allows couples to strengthen the trust they have.
2. They encourage alone time
It's a common misconception that if you're in a relationship, you should spend all your time with your partner. But by avoiding spending alone time without them, you're doing yourself a disservice.
"By respecting each other's need for solitude, you prevent burnout, foster personal growth, and bring renewed energy back into the relationship," Ku advised. Additionally, alone time can help reduce feelings of self-consciousness and allow time for reflection. This gives you a chance to regulate your emotions.
It may seem like you're supposed to be with your partner all the time, but just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you don't deserve time to yourself. You must spend time apart to continue growing individually.
3. They never keep score
It's easy to look at someone and see their past faults or think of what they might owe you. But when people do this, it indicates that they're likely in a very unhealthy or toxic relationship.
Couples who respect each other don't do this. Instead, they focus on the present without living in the past. Ku explained that this creates a relationship dynamic that's more forgiving and generous.
According to psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, "If you focus on what your partner is not doing, you will only see these limitations and not look for his or her positive contributions that can increase relationship satisfaction."
A good relationship shouldn't be about who's done the most or least. Everyone has something to contribute and be celebrated for, because a partnership is all about teamwork.
4. They unplug to make time for connection
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As Ku said, "In a world dominated by screens and constant distractions, setting aside time each day to connect without phones, laptops, or TVs ensures that you stay genuinely connected." And she's right.
In today's world, we're glued to technology. We can't go a moment without looking at our phones, even when we're sitting right next to our partner.
While technology can sometimes help us foster connections with others, particularly those we are not physically close to, it can ruin the connection we feel to the person right in front of us. Because when we're spending time being distracted, we're not fully present.
In fact, in a study from professor David Schramm, "higher levels of technology use and 'technoference' adds up to significantly less time spent together as a couple, less satisfaction and connection, and higher levels of depression and anxiety."
5. They don't go to bed angry, but they also don't force a resolution
Ku had an interesting perspective on the old adage that couples should never go to bed angry. She acknowledged that sometimes it's simply not possible to work through issues before bed.
A couple that doesn't respect each other would let a fight fester for this reason. But those who do respect each other will find a way around this. As she explained, "This could be as simple as saying, 'I love you and we'll work through this tomorrow.'"
But attempting to shove away anger isn't the way to go either. Anger is a natural response, so pushing it down will only cause it to arise in other situations, likely at the wrong time.
Couples who have a deep respect for one another always put their relationship first. They lead with honesty and empathy, and never let things fall apart with contempt or cruelty.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
