Kids Who Experience 6 Things During Their Childhood Usually Find It Hard To Ask For Help As Adults
Luis Ubaldo | ShutterstockSome adults are independent to a fault, and that inability to ask for help starts in childhood. When kids grow up feeling like they have no one to turn to, they grow into adults with a similar mindset,
Your experiences as a kid help shape who you turn out to be. When adults refuse to ask for help even when they really need it, specific childhood experiences likely shaped their need to do it all on their own.
Kids with these experiences have a really hard time asking for help as adults:
1. They are forced to grow up too fast
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Parentification is when a parent flips their role onto their child. Children are not meant to raise their parents or their younger siblings. It's the other way around.
This is also a lot more common than people might expect. It's not always obvious, like your mom asking you to pick her up from work. No, it's more like a parent asking their child to help make decisions about issues they're too young to understand and that aren't their responsibility. This can include involving a child in their parents' marital issues or making a child take care of a younger sibling. The roles flip, and the child can start to feel like they have to solve everything themselves rather than ask for help, something that can carry into adulthood.
2. They aren't cared for emotionally
Growing up in an environment where you're scolded for crying, or your big feelings(especially the first time you experience them) are met with dismissal can all contribute to emotional neglect. When a child isn't nurtured emotionally, a host of issues can bleed into their adult life, including the hyper-independence we're talking about.
When you were constantly neglected as a child, you may have started to feel as if your emotions were abnormal. You don't want to share them with others or ask anyone for help. Bottling up your emotions is never the answer.
3. They are pressured to be the best
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When too much pressure is put on a child, their mental health can start to suffer. This drive for perfection overrides everything else. That can keep them from ever learning how to cope.
Some people thrive under pressure. Maybe that's you, and maybe it's something you appreciated as a child. However, too much pressure, even in sports or while learning a musical instrument, can make you feel like you're constantly failing. Sometimes, you start to put up these imaginary barriers that you think stand in the way of success, such as asking for help.
4. They never get help
If you were never really given help as a kid, why would you feel as if you can ask for it as an adult? Living without teamwork can be very lonely.
We're meant to work together. Some of us are better at certain tasks than others, and we all have our own strengths. If, as a child, you didn't have that companionship and didn't feel as if you were part of a family dynamic, asking for help can become strange and foreign to you.
5. They are criticized a lot
Constant criticism as a child breeds perfectionism as an adult. When you're constantly criticized for every little thing, you'll eventually stop asking for help.
It'll start to feel like you can't do anything right, and everyone has a breaking point. Without praise or acknowledgment of a job well done, kids can start to see their efforts as failures. Why ask for help if, when we did, we were met with negativity again and again?
6. They don't have structure at home
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Inconsistent parenting is exactly what it sounds like. One day, you have a parent who seems perfect; the next, it's like you don't exist. The only way for kids to truly thrive and become well-adjusted adults is with consistency and structure.
Parents commit to caring for their children. They can't suddenly change their minds and decide they don't want kids after they've arrived. Unfortunately, it happens.
Inconsistent parenting keeps kids on their toes, walking on eggshells and never knowing what they'll get. They learn to stay quiet and hope for the best.
Julia McNulty is a writer with a Master’s degree in Literary & Cultural Studies who specializes in lifestyle, relationship, culture, and human-interest topics.
