You Can Usually Tell Someone Is Highly Intelligent By 9 Things That Frustrate Them Most About Their Friends
Krakenimages.com | ShutterstockDespite being somewhat prosocial by nature, the most intelligent people are usually also discerning about the people they let into their circles.
Yes, they enjoy stimulating conversations and connecting with people. Of course, they love learning new things and asking curious questions. However, you can usually tell someone is highly intelligent by the things that frustrate them most about their friends. From gossip to superficiality, even the people closest to them sometimes drive them nuts.
Highly intelligent people are often frustrated at their friends when they do these things:
1. Constantly talking about other people
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Despite understanding that speaking about others can sometimes bond people together, the truth is that intelligent people are more interested in connecting on a deeper level. From shared interests to unique personality traits, they'd prefer to build a relationship based on interesting things about them, rather than the gossipy information they know about everyone else.
Also, complaining about other people tends to rewire our brains toward negativity, and for smart people who are already somewhat pessimistic by nature, they don't need any more of that.
2. When they brag before they even accomplish anything
According to psychology professor Marwa Azab, many people sabotage their progress and motivation by bragging about their accomplishments before they even achieve anything. But intelligent people are often deeper than that, focusing more on the internal changes and process than the outcomes and the validation their goals offer.
So, it's not surprising that they're annoyed by friends who only do things or set goals for other people. Especially when they're forced to carry the emotional burden of making them feel special, instead of actually having interesting conversations about growth and change, it's frustrating.
3. Highly intelligent people get annoyed always having to be the 'therapist' friend
Many emotionally intelligent people are tasked with being the "therapist" friend in their social circles because they have the self-awareness and perspective to help solve people's problems. At the very least, they take on other people's problems and help them feel better, even for small issues that they'd probably grow from handling on their own.
In some ways, supporting and being supported by our friends is what makes these relationships so healthy and fulfilling. However, when an intelligent "therapist friend" is not receiving any support in return, they're going to feel drained.
4. Superficial small talk
Especially with people they don't know well and on days when they're exhausted, superficial conversations and small talk can be incredibly frustrating for smart people. It's not that they're socially anxious, but rather that they tend to crave alone time and quietness. They'd prefer to say nothing than to distract their inner minds with conversations that add no value or intention to their lives.
Yes, we do tend to collectively underestimate how exciting and interesting conversations will be, but smart people usually know right away whether or not something was actually worth their time when introspection is on the table.
5. Feeling that their friend is being competitive with them
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While intelligent people are all about debates and stimulating conversations, most of the time, they're not actually all that interested in winning. Their curious pursuits are what create a psychologically rich life for them to enjoy, not finding superiority over other people or proving that they're smarter than everyone else.
While their friends may name-drop or compete by bragging about goals and trying to one-up each other, intelligent people just want to learn and grow alongside the people they love.
6. Refusing to admit mistakes
Even when it's uncomfortable and difficult to manage, we learn best as humans when we make mistakes. It's that high-pressure feeling and the intense emotions that come from "failure" that actually change the way we behave moving forward.
Intelligent people intentionally seek out opportunities to make mistakes by leaning into things they don't understand and getting out of their comfort zone. What bothers them about their more stagnant, complacent friends is that they refuse to make mistakes. If they do, they avoid and justify them, missing out on the chance to actually learn.
7. Blind ignorance
Many intelligent people are regularly drained by their own ability to overthink, but that doesn't mean they don't still get upset when someone is blindly and blissfully ignorant. Someone else's unawareness is even more triggering than their own hyper-awareness, because at least they can see the full picture and make informed decisions.
Yes, they're more anxious than these friends are, but they're also spared the kind of conversations and interactions they need in friendships to feel truly fulfilled.
8. When they use condescending language
As a study from WIREs Cognitive Science explains, intelligent people are known to simplify their language and make conversations easier for everyone to understand. Usually, their intentions are good. However, when they're with friends who make their language more complicated than it needs to be and somehow make simple topics seem complex to seem superior, it annoys them.
They can't stand when someone tries to prove their intellect through complexity, when their actual intelligence comes from accessibility and the superpower of making difficult topics simple.
9. Loudness and chaos
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While they're interested in socializing and connection, most intelligent people also have a level of sensitivity that makes certain kinds of sensory information more stimulating. Whether it's a loud, crowded party or an obnoxious friend, they can be thrown off easily by their environment.
That's why they tend to appreciate alone time and solitude. They can set the tone of the environment. They can go inward and reflect or think without distractions. They can choose to let certain people in, depending on how they feel and what they need.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
