You Can Usually Tell How Insecure Someone Is By These 11 Phrases They Say In Casual Conversation
fizkes | ShutterstockWhile confidence has real social benefits, like better performance in a career and social situations, not everyone has high self-esteem. Whether it was how they were raised or their lack of love for themselves, some people are quite insecure. And because they doubt themselves so strongly, they tend to struggle to keep the truth from slipping out.
So, you can usually tell how insecure someone is by the phrases they say in casual conversation. Even if they aren't obviously overcome with uncertainty or anxiety, it's the words they say that indicate how they feel towards themselves. It all just points to the inner work they have yet to do.
You can usually tell how insecure someone is by these 11 phrases they say in casual conversation
1. 'This is probably a stupid question, but...'
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Insecure people are full of self-doubt, always questioning their intelligence and self-worth. While they may say something is a silly question, it's usually not, as that's just their timidness speaking. But asking questions is actually indicative of intelligence.
In fact, according to tutor and academic coach Chris Loper, "Questions show engagement, interest. Asking questions, therefore, convinces your brain that you are curious about the content, which goes a long way toward convincing your brain to care."
2. 'Nobody likes me'
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It's normal to feel like the world is against you sometimes. Failing or being in conflict with others, and entering a state of negativity, these situations happen to the best of us. But the difference between a confident person and an insecure one lies in how they choose to process this mindset.
While confident people pick themselves up and choose not to take it personally, insecure people almost always say, "Nobody likes me." They internalize everything, so even if it's a small rejection like a "no thanks" to an invite to hang out, they assume the worst.
3. 'I don't fit in anywhere'
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In life, it's normal to feel like the odd one out. Whether it's among family or friends, social rejection is one of the worst feelings. In fact, social rejection can lead to an increase in sadness and anger, as well as anxiety and poorer sleep quality. So, when someone says they don't fit in anywhere, it points out their insecurity.
When they feel like an outcast, they tend to shut down. Assuming the worst, they close their hearts off, not allowing anyone to get to know them on a deeper level. But it's this social connection that can make them feel more fulfilled in the end.
4. 'What do you think of me?'
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Confident people don't pay much attention to what others think. Content within themselves and their life path, they don't consult others for reassurance. Unfortunately, for insecure people, they're constantly left wondering how others perceive them.
Needing approval to feel validated, they'll ask friends and family, partners, and even strangers if they're good enough. Hating the idea of being disliked, they'll probe until they feel reassured. And with nearly half of people describing themselves as people-pleasers, it's easy to see why they lack confidence.
5. 'I could do that if I wanted to'
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There's a difference between people who are confident in themselves and people who fake it. Needing attention and reassurance, only insecure people say, "I could do that if I wanted to." Nobody will say it to their face, but at the end of the day, it comes off as hesitance instead of assured.
Confident people believe in themselves and their success, prepping properly and never giving up. On the flip side, insecure people are all talk and no action. As psychology professor Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. pointed out, "Most people are chasing the wrong version of confidence. They're trying to project certainty, appear unshakeable, or radiate charisma. They're performing confidence rather than experiencing it."
6. 'I know I'm probably wrong, but...'
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Nobody is perfect, and as much as we try to be the best version of ourselves, we're going to say and do the wrong thing at times. We're all human at the end of the day, and just because we mess up a few times, it doesn't mean we're lacking the skills we need.
Unfortunately, insecure people don't think that way, so you can usually tell their level of insecurity when they say things like "I know I'm probably wrong" or "if I'm not mistaken." Only insecure people think the worst of themselves. They're unable to look past their self-perception and don't realize just how intelligent they truly are.
7. 'I'm not like other people'
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For kids, it's hard for them step outside of their own perspective. Believing that it's their way or the highway, they don't realize just how connected we all truly are until they hit adulthood. Even as adults, they may think they aren't like everyone else, but are missing all the things that bring us together.
As forensic psychologist Bill O’Leary explained, "We’re all human, and even though we are all unique, we're actually more similar than we are different. We often want very similar things from life — to feel good about ourselves, to have happy and fulfilling relationships, to be good at our various roles (such as partners, parents, friends), and to not struggle financially. We also aspire to common values even though we deviate from them more than we like."
8. 'I knew that already'
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As much as people try to educate themselves, there are plenty of topics and subjects they're completely ignorant of. But we're all humans still learning and developing, and it's okay to admit you don't know something or that you were wrong about information you presented.
Insecure people don't see it that way. They tend to have fragile egos and cling to whatever makes them feel most superior. They may say they already knew something, when they didn't really, but it's all to make others think they're intelligent. They're afraid of looking "stupid," and make themselves look foolish in the end.
9. 'They're just jealous'
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There will certainly be people who are jealous of you, whether it's a colleague or even a close friend. But insecure people take it out on other people around them. Clinical psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne explained, "People who are insecure may attack you or cause you to doubt your own abilities, but the affect behind their attacks may be anxiety and not anger."
While insecure people love to live in their own version of reality, there are going to be times when people won't like them, and justifiably so. Rather than confront that head-on, these people almost always shift blame to others and claim they're resentful.
10. 'I don't need anyone'
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Society has placed emphasis on hyper-independence. People believe that they don't need friends or companionship to thrive, and may even verbalize it by saying they don't need anyone. Maybe they can pick themselves up by the bootstraps in financial ways, but human connection is a form of stability and happiness.
"Humans have always relied on one another for survival, emotional support, and overall well-being. Social connections are vital to both our evolutionary past and contemporary lives. Conversely, isolation and loneliness can adversely affect mental and physical health," developmental neuropsychologist Sam Goldstein revealed.
11. 'Whatever, I don't even care'
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It's tempting for people to shut themselves off to the world when they're in emotional or mental pain. They don't have the tools or know-how to manage their struggles or push through them, so they pretend they don't care.
Shrugging off everyone's concerns, they don't know how to be vulnerable with others. But constantly holding everything in leads to a build-up of anxiety and stress. As tempting as it may be, insecure individuals should try being upfront with their feelings. It can strengthen their bonds and make them feel more confident in themselves.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology.
