Women Who Don't Feel A Need To Explain Themselves As They Get Older Usually Have These 11 Legitimate Reasons
Krakenimages.com | ShutterstockOlder women often have a subtle air about them. When I was younger, I didn’t quite understand it. They seemed unfazed by most things that would drive teen girls crazy, such as a sideways glance from the school’s mean girls, a guy dumping them, or even a bad hair day. No matter what, they remain unshaken.
We live in a society that tends to pick women apart for the sole purpose of making them feel bad about themselves, so women who no longer feel a need to explain themselves as they get older tend to have several legitimate reasons built on plenty of lived experiences. Ever wonder how some ladies seem so totally unbothered? Well, it has to do with the life lessons they've learned along the way.
Women who don't feel a need to explain themselves as they get older usually have these 11 legitimate reasons
1. They've learned that there’s actually no reason to explain anything
More often than not, people tend to overestimate how often they need to explain things away. Society tends to create traumas that encourage people to overexplain, even when it’s pretty obvious why something triggers a reaction from a woman.
The truth is that overexplaining doesn’t actually help put others at ease or help fix any issues. If a person is going to judge, then they are going to judge regardless. So it won’t actually appease anyone.
2. They overcame the trauma that made explaining things their go-to defense
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Did you ever meet someone who had to explain every little reason for every small decision they made? It’s not a reaction that occurs naturally in people. It’s often a reaction that comes from trauma.
Traumatized people often assume that they will get hurt, rejected, or abandoned if they stand up for themselves. It can get so bad that they may even feel like they need to go into a full panic if they don’t explain the whys or hows.
3. Past explanations seemed to allow others to step on their boundaries
Many women have dealt with men who violated their boundaries by insisting on knowing why they were being rejected, only to have that rejection turn into a negotiation. They may have also dealt with kids who demanded an explanation as to why they didn't get invited to their mom’s second honeymoon.
Boundaries are not negotiable, and they are not meant to be negotiable. A lot of older women got tired of trying to politely excuse themselves. Rather than deal with people asking why, they just say it’s none of their business.
4. They've grown tired of the social pressure to police their bodies
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Society loves to break women down, especially when it comes to their bodies. After a certain point, I’ve personally noticed that a lot of women tend to just stop playing along with the demands to be thin, perennially young, and perky.
This is not a bad thing. Quite the opposite. Studies have shown that women who embrace the aging process tend to have happier, more enjoyable quality-of-life ratings. They decided to quit the game they cannot win, and wisely so.
5. It dawned on them that not everyone deserves an explanation
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Let’s be honest. Explanations are not for everyone. Not everyone will respect a reasonable explanation, nor will everyone respect you for giving it to them. Most adults eventually realize this is a fact of life, even if it’s not until later on.
If we want to be honest, we’re turning into a society where people don’t feel the need to give explanations to anyone, regardless of how justified they are. This has become particularly common in the dating scene, where people are now experiencing ghosting in more serious and shocking ways.
6. They trust themselves more than they used to
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Did you ever notice how often people who don’t actually trust their thoughts and opinions tend to be the ones who are most vocal about them? Or how often the people who don’t really know much tend to be the loudest in a group about their expertise?
As a person who has grown up as a teenage girl, I noticed something unusual. The most confident girls were often the quietest. They felt no need to explain why they felt how they felt, nor did they try to explain why they thought something. As I started to gain confidence, I started to trust myself more, too. And yes, my explanations went down in quantity.
7. They would rather just cut toxic people out of their lives completely
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Perhaps one of the most resentment-provoking experiences most women have had deals with explanations. Many of my friends, if not all of them, have explained their needs and wants in detail, along with how their partners would benefit from meeting those needs. Almost every woman had an ex who simply shrugged and dismissed that whole spiel.
Experience gives perspective. Older women are more likely to tell toxic partners who do this to kick rocks. After all, if you have to give a detailed 10-point explanation to get a guy to treat you decently, he’s not going to treat you decently.
8. Age makes some people lose patience for debates
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Oh, there are way too many people who have the need to turn everything into a debate. Even if it’s something like talking about a blue sky, some people will just turn it into a debate. As you get older, the willingness to debate others on everything starts to go away.
Explanations often open the door for difficult people to pick an argument. Many people choose to shut that stuff down by refusing to explain why they are the way they are. It’s actually a fairly smart option.
9. In many cases, they feel the explanation should be obvious
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Did you know that the New York Times had a whole debate about how to explain what’s considered to be “obvious” in common discussions? It’s a thing. When something is obvious or deemed common knowledge, there’s a tacit expectation that you will not need to explain or mention it.
The funny thing is that “obvious” changes as you age, or really, in the eye of any beholder. A lot of older women have been there, done that, franchised out tee shirt stands, and kind of forget that not everyone is on their level. Oops.
10. They no longer feel a need for validation
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Most of us have experienced a moment when we started babbling just because we were desperately hoping people around us would validate us. Maybe it was babbling about the decision to buy a specific car. Maybe it was about deciding to buy a weird painting or about a reason to dress funny. Whatever it was, you wanted people to just get on your side, right?
People who don’t have a big need to get validation from others generally won’t explain themselves to others. They don’t feel like it’s that big a deal if you’re not on the same boat as them.
11. They genuinely don’t care what anyone thinks
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Here’s the crux of the issue: giving others an explanation shows you care about what they think. It’s a sign that you care about what they think of you, too, if only because they want you to think well of them. A person who can just cut a conversation short when it comes to explanations doesn’t care what you think.
Demanding an explanation from an older woman who has had enough of the constant demands from society won’t work out well for you. She’s already content with the one person she should care about: herself.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
