The Art Of Being Secure: 5 Simple Habits Of Naturally Secure People
Stop self-doubt in its tracks.
Felix Mittermeier | UnsplashSome people have a natural steadiness about them — the kind that makes you feel calmer just being around them. That sense of security and peace comes from a handful of secure habits that pretty much anyone can adopt to feel more grounded in their own life.
Here are five ideas I always return to whenever I experience the human sense of doubt. Internalizing these helps me take on life’s challenges from a healthy, confident state. These tiny tips will help you stop doubting yourself and become a naturally secure person.
Here are 5 simple habits of naturally secure people:
1. They know that to doubt is to be human
For many of us, it can feel isolating when we have doubts about our capabilities. One of the worst things you can do is to buy into the idea that you separate from everyone else — that you’re unique in your insecurities.
We’re all going through doubts, no matter how seemingly together we seem — please trust me on this. Doubt isn’t reserved for a select few weirdos. A sense of doubt is a normal human response to existence and our growth within that reality.
Whether we allow doubt to slowly consume us is another issue, but don’t believe you’re the only one. When we know this is an innately human condition, we sense our connection with each other. We can look straight into the eye of another person and know they, too, can doubt. This will lift you.
2. They acknowledge doubts as thoughts, not reality
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This point alone could significantly minimize unnecessary doubt, so listen in. Doubt is always a thought. It is an idea we hold in our minds. Always. It’s never an accurate representation of what is happening.
It’s an approximation — a lie essentially — conjured up in an attempt to help, but rarely helpful. When we understand this, we see that all feelings of doubt result from doubtful thoughts that — guess who — you made up in your head.
3. They leverage doubt for success
When we have doubt, whether when nervous before a meeting, a musical performance, or when we’re starting a new venture, it usually points to one thing: you need more experience.
Here’s the issue: many of us confuse doubt from our lack of skills with personal inadequacy. That’s plain dumb. It could be true that you need more practice to be more effective in something, but that has nothing to do with personal worth. Feeling doubt can point to a need to gain more skill in something — great. Use that, but don’t make it about you; make it about your lack of skill. Big difference.
4. They don't use doubt as an excuse
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Ask a doubtful person who’s about to enter into something for which they have doubt, and you’ll often hear variations on the following:
- "I’m just not that kind of person."
- "I don’t know whether I have the self-belief necessary to do this."
- "Do you think I’m ready to just step in like this?"
- "I have personality issues that make me uniquely incapable of doing well at this."
On and on. Wow, aren’t we creative at finding excuses in the face of things that scare us? Notice how every reason is self-conscious. We make it about us. We do everything but the thing we most need whenever taking on a new venture: focus on the venture.
I have found that my doubt dissipates quickly when I forget myself and focus on creating a system that inspires action. That system needs to be as simple as deciding on my next single and a simple step. Now we’re moving. Now it’s no longer personal, and we’re doing something.
5. They embrace action to create belief
Spend any time reading my stuff, and you’ll see one thing that separates me from the robotic self-proclaimed mentors who parrot what they hear from everyone else. You don’t need "self-belief" to do things. You need to act.
Many of us make things unwittingly harder for ourselves by trying to find this elusive self-belief. Focus, as we said, on your next steps and take action regardless of how you feel. Action creates belief effortlessly. You need not find it beforehand. That only creates more self-doubt.
"Visualize the things you want in life and believe that they can be yours," advised relationship coach Nancy Nichols. "Focus less on the details or external characteristics of these goals and more on how they will feel, and be sure to emphasize the positive. Follow your gut instincts and draw upon the wisdom that is within you."
Finally, know that whenever you feel insecure, you can see it as a sign you’re doing the right thing. You’re leaning into your edges and getting close to reaping the rewards of taking courage. Keep going, dear warrior, even if a thousand voices scream at you to stop and take the easy route. We need your strength. Step into the fire and burn, baby, burn.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient.
