You Can Usually Tell Someone's True Character By 10 Tiny Things They Do Without Thinking
khanfus / ShutterstockOur true character is often concealed behind the performances we put on so people will see us the way we wish to be seen. However, the fundamental nature of our guiding principles is nearly impossible to keep entirely hidden at all times.
When people talk about a person's character, they are referring to the beliefs and values shaped through their upbringing and life experiences. Along with our core personality, our character shapes how we behave in every situation we encounter. So when we watch how a person immediately reacts in tiny ways in any given circumstance, we can learn a huge amount about the ultimate core of who they are and what makes them tick.
Tiny things people often do without thinking that reveal their true character:
1. Taking out frustrations on service workers
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Many people reveal their poor coping skills and character by using service workers as a scapegoat for their own stress. Psychology professor Melanie Morrison explains that when people are searching for a sense of control in a deeply chaotic world, they often take out their feelings of powerlessness on someone they perceive as even less important than they are.
This insecurity and belief that they are entitled to more respect than others become clear when someone cares more about their own comfort than about treating others as they wish they were being treated.
2. Criticizing people for things they can't change
It’s somewhat of a golden rule that you should never judge or criticize someone for something they can’t immediately change, like their hair color or their life circumstances. Not only does doing so make people feel ashamed and self-conscious, but it also creates a toxic power dynamic when someone says something negative in a public forum with the intention to embarrass the other person.
You can usually tell someone’s character is downright rancid when they’re openly criticizing these kinds of things about people, especially in front of others. From name-calling to gossiping behind the scenes, anyone who puts others down to feel better about themselves is not a great person.
3. Getting irrationally angry about minor inconveniences
While losing control of your emotions isn’t uncommon when someone is dealing with a lot of stress in their life, if a person regularly gets angry about minor inconveniences and lashes out at people over harmless mistakes, it’s likely a reflection of their true character.
Either they have a lot of unresolved anger that they’re not dealing with, or they have an inflated sense of superiority that promotes selfishness. They don’t feel they should have to be uncomfortable or stressed because one of their core beliefs is that they are more important than everyone else.
4. Interrupting others constantly
Accidentally interrupting people in conversations or getting excited and talking over someone is a natural part of life. It happens, even to the best of us. However, when someone regularly interrupts others and seeks the spotlight at others' expense, the brightest light it actually shines is on their character.
Either they care more about coping with their own insecurity than about making someone else feel seen, or they’re operating from a narcissistic place that makes them feel more important than anyone else. They don’t mind stomping on someone else if it means getting eyes on them.
5. Dismissing other people's success
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Despite expecting constant celebrations and congratulations for their own accomplishments, when someone else shares their success, someone with a toxic character dismisses it. They don’t allow other people to feel excited because it makes them feel insecure.
They need to be in the spotlight at all times, or their whole facade and persona unwind. In some cases, it can be a harmless sign of insecurity, but other times, it’s a toxic red flag that someone truly doesn’t care about anyone but themselves.
6. Gossiping about people behind their backs
When you meet someone who gossips about literally everyone behind their back, it’s hard to imagine them not doing it behind yours. It’s that sneaking feeling that they’re always sharing information about other people to feel more important or powerful, even when it comes at other people’s expense.
Even if they know how to hide this behavior, sometimes they let their maliciousness slip out. They gossip to the wrong person or make a judgment that's too harsh, and it’s all of a sudden obvious that they’re not being quirky or fun. They're mean-spirited and selfish.
7. Not respecting it when people say no
When someone sets a boundary, decides not to go out, or says no to something, you can immediately spot their true character by how they respond. If they guilt-trip the person or try to peer-pressure them, they’re probably more concerned with their own comfort than with anyone else’s boundaries.
Especially if you’re trying to get a feel for someone as a potential partner or friend, these are the kinds of warning signals that should immediately go off.
8. Getting loud when they argue
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Resolving conflicts and knowing how to argue healthily is fundamental to your health. It’s not just about happiness and security in relationships but also about physical and mental health. When you know how to stay calm under pressure and make space for others, you resolve conflicts and protect your peace.
However, people who refuse to be uncomfortable and think they’re better than everyone else are terrible at resolving issues. They shove other people out of conversations and get angry quickly because they can’t believe someone would call them out or point out a mistake.
9. Lying for no reason
Part of someone’s integrity is their honesty at all times, not just when nobody else is watching. It’s about how they express themselves and the truths they have the courage to say, even when it’s difficult.
People with poor character make all kinds of excuses and even lie to make themselves more comfortable, even when it harms other people. They’d prefer to put someone else in harm's way with bad information and lies than to own up to their own mistakes.
10. Not putting their shopping cart back
While it might seem like the least harmful of these poor behaviors, not returning shopping carts to the grocery store may be the most insidious. Of course, there are exceptions for busy parents and disabled folks, but anyone else who intentionally creates more work for others because they think they’re on some moral high ground has bad character.
They don’t mind putting more work on someone’s plate or proving their superiority by being careless. They only care about themselves, even in these moments, when basic kindness is so easy and accessible.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
