12 Tiny Habits Unbothered People Use To Stay Untouchable When Everyone Else Is Stressed
LOOK | CanvaThey say the best version of revenge is living well. Being truly unbothered is about having such a solid sense of self that all the outside noise isn't able to hit you that way it used to.
Research shows that people who accept their emotions and thoughts without judging them report better mental health and fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety. The reassuring part is that none of this requires a personality overhaul, either: All you need are small habits that help rewire how you interact with the world around you.
If there’s anyone you want to make jealous, you have to lean into caring a little less — not in a way that makes you callous, but in a way that makes you come off as cool, calm, and collected.
Here are 12 tiny habits unbothered people use to stay untouchable when everyone else is stressed:
1. Unbothered people don’t say more than necessary
Practice listening more than you speak, and you might discover that people share more about themselves than you asked for. A major part of being a good listener is staying open to what someone is telling you.
By removing distractions and focusing fully on the person you’re in conversation with, you’re priming yourself to be a good listener. Another hallmark of a good listener is someone who asks specific questions and affirms the person they’re talking to.
"If you know you're happy, annoyed, distracted, angry, or hurt, you can take steps to take care of yourself," clinical social worker Lyssa deHart explained. Knowing your own emotional state before you speak is the first step to saying less and meaning more.
2. They don’t get overpowered by their emotions
We all react emotionally at times, but letting your emotions rule your life is a pathway toward feeling entirely bothered all the time. Learn to let negative thoughts and feelings go. Practice noticing your emotions, cataloging them, and then moving on.
The Yale School of Medicine confirms that learning to observe your emotions instead of reacting to them is a skill that pays off in every area of your life. The more you practice it, the less you'll find anything feels like a true emergency.
3. Unbothered people lower their expectations
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Everyone in this world is doing the best they can with the tools they have access to, meaning that different people have different scopes of emotional intelligence. Assuming the best of people is how unbothered people stay out of unnecessary conflict and drama.
Not everyone is operating at the same level as you are. Make sure you’re not setting yourself up for disappointment by expecting too much of people. DeHart agrees, "When you slow down in your responses, you can give yourself time to be curious, and also to choose some other emotional state."
4. They let their success speak for itself
In other words, stay humble. There’s no need to brag about all your amazing accomplishments. You living your best life, as an unbothered and unstoppable force of nature, is all you really need to do.
Research supports that when you stop needing outside recognition to feel good about your work, the work itself becomes its own reward.
5. They stop people-pleasing
Leadership coach Patricia Bonnard touched on the various downsides of people-pleasing, explaining that this type of behavior can be detrimental to your mental health. She noted that by prioritizing others’ needs over your own, you’re likely to feel extreme self-doubt, while also having an inability to form true connections with others.
People pleasing isn’t an easy habit to break, but once you do, you’ll find that you can be your fullest, most authentic self, which is the key element to staying unbothered.
6. Unbothered people assume their haters are their fans
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This technique of staying unbothered goes hand in hand with putting yourself first. If you’re constantly concerned with what others think of you, then you’ll stay stuck in the depths of insecurity.
So, adjust your perspective and turn that negative narrative on its head: By considering all your haters as fans, you’re acting solely for yourself, and no one else. Bonnard explains that when people pleasers prioritize others' opinions over their own, "their stronger need to please overrides other inclinations."
7. They say no when it serves their peace
Unbothered people know that they can’t say yes to everything, all the time. Setting boundaries is a valuable part of maintaining your peace.
If you don’t want to do something, or you don’t have the mental capacity or emotional energy to do something, say no. It will help fuel your “yes” later on, and studies have found that it's how you protect your ability to show up for what matters.
8. They don’t try to be perfect
Let yourself off the hook of trying to be perfect. Not only is being perfect an impossible task, but accepting our imperfections is a path toward self-love. Bonnard agrees, explaining that perfectionism is often driven by what other people think and what others recognize.
9. Unbothered people know their own truth
Kateryna Hliznitsova / Unsplash+
Living an authentic version of your own life means taking an honest view of yourself and letting outside criticism roll off your back. Accept that not everyone knows your true self, but you do, and that’s what matters.
Research on self-esteem confirms that groundedness comes from within, and not from how others see you. Once you stop outsourcing your identity to outside opinions, it's a habit that's hard to shake.
10. They exercise empathy
Practicing a rigorous form of accepting people for who they are, even with their shortcomings, makes you a highly empathic person. According to DeHart, empathy is "finding a way to recognize 'me' in 'you.'"
Part of caring less about things that don’t matter is saving that energy for what does matter: Your relationships with others, which you should come to from a place of understanding and kindness.
11. They find joy in the little stuff
Being unbothered means that you don’t let big stuff get to you and that you find happiness in simple, small moments. Keeping a list of little things you’re grateful for is a valuable way to remind yourself of all the good in your life.
According to research from JAMA Psychiatry, keeping a running list of what you're grateful for is a sure way to reshape how your brain processes the world around you.
12. Unbothered people accept their flaws
Research on self-compassion shows that accepting your flaws means you stop fighting yourself in the process. This is exactly where real confidence takes root.
We all have parts of ourselves that we’re not entirely happy with. In other words, once again, no one is perfect. Yet accepting our imperfections as what makes us human is an important part of the self-acceptance process, and self-acceptance is crucial to living an unbothered life.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
