People With Mental & Emotional Integrity Usually Stop Doing 8 Things The Older They Get
Jacob Lund | ShutterstockPeople with mental and emotional integrity not only become more virtuous with age, but they also stop falling into old patterns from their younger years because they know better now.
When I was younger, I cared so much about what other people thought of me. I would go out of my way to apologize when I thought I did something uncool, or I would go along with whatever they were doing, even if I didn’t want to. I was a follower at best, devoted to being liked by everyone at worst. I lost my sense of self, but as I got older, I found it again. Gone were the days of trying to please everyone around me. Once I found my integrity, it stuck with me.
Things people with mental and emotional integrity no longer feel obligated to do the older they get:
1. They stop trying to please everyone around them
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People-pleasing is a habit many of us develop, especially in young adulthood. It’s common to want everyone around us to like us. We go out of our way to be the nicest person in the room, putting others ahead of ourselves.
Over time, this becomes exhausting. We’re not focusing on ourselves. Without moments of self-care, we become burnt out and unable to process our emotions, let alone someone else's.
Mental and emotional integrity helps us understand that we can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s easier to disconnect from this feeling when we are honest with ourselves. We can realize other people need us, but we have to balance making others happy with our needs.
2. They stop agreeing to things they don't want to do
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Do you know how many times I’ve agreed to do something I definitely didn’t want to? More than I can count. A lot of us are like that, afraid of burdening others.
Going with the flow is easier than speaking out, so we follow the lead. Over time, this can leave us resentful. We don’t put our foot down to get what we want, and it can damage relationships.
Choosing not to do something shows boundaries. Integrity helps us enforce boundaries because we are confident in how we should be treated and what we won’t put up with. Saying no more strategically gets easier with age.
3. They stop explaining themselves
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People become over-explainers for many reasons. It can stem from anxiety or their need to please everyone around them.
Often, someone like this doesn’t want to bother or hurt the people around them, or they feel nervous about how they will be perceived. Instead of doing things unapologetically, they seek people’s approval by over-explaining their thoughts and intentions.
It can be hard to shake this quality. I’ve been an over-explainer because of my anxiety for years. However, at a point, I realized I didn’t have to share my inner monologue to be respected. Instead, I choose to do what I want, when I want, with little care for what people think. Mental and emotional integrity has taught me that being honest and following my morals is enough.
4. They don't say ‘I’m fine’ when they're not
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Integrity is rooted in honesty. Often, people will say they're fine when they’re not because they don’t want to burden those around them; it doesn't work.
It’s difficult to open up and be vulnerable, but it’s one of the most important things we can do to both build relationships and release our anxiety. Bottling up our emotions takes a toll over time.
Once you let go of the fear of judgment and being a burden, you can be honest with the people in your life. They want to be there for you, and admitting when you’re not fine is a great start to becoming more vulnerable.
5. They stop letting people affect their mood
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Some people are emotional vampires. The second you’re around them, they start sharing all their problems, making you feel bad for them while also becoming vulnerable to their manipulation. Of course, it’s important to be there for friends, but we also have to be mindful of our own feelings during the process.
People can also affect our moods when they treat us poorly. Mental and emotional integrity reminds us to stand up for ourselves, even when it’s difficult.
6. They stop badmouthing others behind their backs
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While we may focus on using our integrity to stand up for ourselves, we have to consider how our behavior affects those around us. Having a strong moral compass makes us more honest. Instead of talking poorly behind someone else’s back, people with integrity choose to keep their feelings to themselves. Or, they’ll hash it out with that person instead of creating unnecessary drama.
Some think they can talk behind someone else’s back because they have pure intentions. They may be trying to get someone else’s opinion, or working together with another friend to help find a solution to a problem. Either way, not being direct with people often backfires, and people with true integrity understand that.
7. They stop telling white lies
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Most people think a little lie here and there isn’t a big deal, especially if it’s to protect someone else’s feelings. Being upfront isn’t easy for everyone, myself included. I’m known to say I like something when I don’t, just to please everyone around me. Or, I’ll reframe things to make it seem better for the person involved, like claiming someone likes them when they don’t.
These lies are rarely a big deal, but over time, you can fall into a pattern of lying even when being honest is the best option.
With integrity, honesty becomes the best policy. You also gain confidence in yourself, which reduces the need to tell white lies. Being upfront about things will strengthen relationships.
8. They don't let gossip get under their skin
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There’s a famous quote that goes something like, "What other people think of me is none of my business." If you genuinely feel this way, kudos to you.
I’m the type of person who worries about what people are saying about me when I’m not around. I want to be well-liked, and when I know someone is gossiping about me, it hurts. However, gaining some integrity has taught me I deserve to be treated kindly. What others say about me really isn’t my business, though I still get anxious about it. No one is perfect!
Gossip spreads toxic rumors about other people. Integrity can also help people take these comments with a grain of salt, understanding that not everything said is rooted in honesty.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
