People Who Are Kinda Hard To Respect Usually Do 8 Things In Casual Conversation
Rein Krijgsman | ShutterstockIt's not easy to know if someone deserves your respect when you first meet them. But if you pay attention to how they act, especially while chatting casually and off their guard, you'll be able to spot signs of someone who is hard to respect.
Respect must be earned and shouldn't be given to anyone simply based on age or social status. It requires trust and a proven history of behavior that is worthy of admiration. If you're unsure, it's best not to put your faith in that person.
People who are hard to respect usually have certain casual behaviors when talking with others:
1. They overshare
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As an extrovert myself, I understand the urge to talk to people. However, there is a fine line between being social and being annoying.
Oversharing is one of the most annoying traits a person can have. Psychologist Polly Campbell explained that, as much as you may want to be authentic, oversharing just makes everyone uncomfortable. Oversharing makes a person look untrustworthy, and trust is absolutely integral to respect.
2. They laugh too much or uncomfortably
Don’t get me wrong, laughing is a wonderful thing and you should never feel like you shouldn’t laugh. However, when people laugh too much, it actually has the same effect as oversharing.
It makes people feel uncomfortable, which makes sense. It's a response to anxiety. The problem is, it's kinda hard to respect someone who nervously laughs his or her way through every conversation. Personally, when somebody laughs too much in my company, I wonder if they are secretly making fun of me.
3. They seem fake and over-the-top nice
People-pleasing is a trait that many of us subconsciously have, especially women. It shows up in a few ways in conversations. For example, over-apologizing is one of them. When we feel bad, we want to apologize. However, if we apologize too much, it just makes the other person feel uncomfortable.
The same goes for being fake. That saccharine sweetness doesn't win people over, but it does make them wary. Wary, however, is far from respect.
4. They don't stand up for disrespectful language or behavior
If you are in a group and someone is being a bully, a highly respected individual won't let that fly. Allowing or engaging in language or behavior that is insulting to another person does not garner respect.
I get it, we all want to be forgiving. We are raised to believe that this is kind behavior. Sometimes, however, it actually has the opposite effect. You don't have to start a war during game night with friends, but you can subtly change the topic or simply express your distaste for gossip and move along.
5. They neglect boundaries
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According to Stanford University, boundaries help us “build trust, safety, and respect in relationships.” They determine what is OK and not OK in a relationship. This includes all relationships, even professional ones.
When boundaries are ignored or not set, it's a free-for-all. The person you are having trouble respecting will gradually take advantage of the opportunity to behave as inappropriately as they want.
6. They fish for compliments
If you meet somebody who is constantly putting themselves down or hinting at compliments, it can get annoying very easily. Also, it speaks to a person with low self-esteem. Self-esteem is essential for respect, so showing weakness like this doesn't help.
According to psychologist Joachim I. Krueger, PhD, fishing for compliments is a social game. It reveals insecurities. Talking to someone who is constantly seeking praise can be exhausting. Obviously you want to hype your friends up, but it gets to the point where you can’t help them anymore.
7. They explain concepts more than they need to
We’ve all met the mansplainers (or maybe you’re the mansplainer?), and it is an immediate turn-off.
The term mansplain is a condescending explanation of a concept, typically from a man to a woman, but it is expanding and now simply refers to a person who feels intellectually superior when they have no reason to be. Needless to say, it's hard to respect someone who does this frequently.
8. They disagree just for the fun of it
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Yes, we should all hold each other accountable. It’s also perfectly OK to disagree with somebody and talk about it. However, if you are somebody who is always disagreeing with other people, you are probably losing their respect.
Contrarians like to get a rise out of people, and they will take the opposite stance on a topic just because they know it will get someone else heated. That gets irritating and does the opposite of earning anyone's respect. People want to have a conversation where they feel they are being listened to.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
