6 Things Even Good People Sometimes Say That Are Low-Key Super Sexist
ShotPrime Studio | ShutterstockAmerican English drives me crazy. It’s ridiculous with its endless parts of speech and slang that would make any feminist or even gender-neutral person cringe.
As a social scientist, I’m keenly aware of how language creates categories for people based on gender. Growing up in the 80s and 90s in Southern California, many of these words and phrases made their way into my vernacular before I realized they were outdated or just straight-up offensive.
I’m not saying anyone who uses these words is bad. I’ve used some of them myself. I’m just realizing how much society is shaped by language that quietly treats men as the default and women as the variation.
Here are the things even good people sometimes say that are low-key super sexist
1. Mrs./Miss/Ms./Ma’am
This one drives me crazy. I’ve been married for most of my adult life, and I still can’t get used to being called Mrs. My students, service reps, and even one of my husband’s friends call me Mrs. Jensen. It makes me cringe. The second someone says it, I immediately look for my mother-in-law. I’ve known my husband’s parents since I was a teen and only addressed them as Mr. and Mrs. Jensen for years.
Personally, I prefer Ms., a title that suggests that I belong to myself. I don’t feel like an old woman or a possession. I still enjoy Miss, because well, who doesn’t like to feel younger?
And for the love of all that is holy, don’t call me Ma’am. I’m a lifelong Californian. Not a Southern Belle. It makes me feel OLD, and may lead to a throat punch.
2. 'Bachelor Pad'
The phrase just screams: men are eligible if single. Women are one unfortunate accident away from being devoured by their cat.
After my divorce, I lived alone, but no one ever referred to my space as a bachelorette pad. Better yet, we should rename it Singles Paradise. Why the heck not? Aren’t men and women equally eligible if single? Just because a woman is living alone without a spouse doesn’t automatically make her a spinster.
3. 'You Guys'
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This phrase was pervasive when I was growing up. In the 80s and 90s, groups of men and women were always referred to as “you guys.” Why did the after-school care teachers and summer camp counselors always discipline us with “you guys” when we were too rowdy or insolent?
I never thought anything of it until I got to college. I even had professors refer to their students this way.
My first day as a professor, I walked into my university classroom and welcomed the class. In those days, I’d call my students ladies and gentlemen. As the years went by and language evolved to include my non-binary and trans brothers and sisters, I addressed them as everyone. It felt inclusive and so comfortable, I wonder why I hadn’t thought of it sooner.
The only thing worse than being called a guy when you are a woman is “young lady.”
4. Mistress vs. Master
The word “master” is typically masculine and implies power. I watch a lot of reality real estate TV. Until recently, real estate agents referred to the largest bedroom in a home as the master bedroom (now called the primary bedroom). It always bothered me, and I thought, Why not a mistress’s bedroom?
Obviously, this doesn’t work, as a mistress is considered a married man’s “other woman.”
Master = Power
Mistress = Harlot
Enough said.
Truth be told, I’ve always wanted to be the mistress of my home.
5. Dude/Bro/Bruh
I’m a Southern California native. “Dude” is a word that everyone has used at one point or another. These days, the kids say bro or even worse — bruh.
I’ve used dude often, and as a teen, it was second nature. However, I’ve never called a woman a dude, bro, or dare I say, bruh. At least I have the sense to keep my slang gender-adjacent.
6. 'Man up'
This expression irritates me because it’s the equivalent of someone saying, “Toughen up.” This is confusing to me since women are the ones who give birth to babies. Women are expected to endure pain more regularly, and let’s face it, we are socialized and trained to endure. Have you ever seen a man wear a contraction simulator? It’s hilarious. If a man had cramps and contractions, none of them would ever procreate. Why don’t we say woman up? Or better yet, grow a vagina.
I’ll probably never give up saying “dude,” but at least I won’t be using it in conversations with my middle-aged friends. These days, it’s reserved for my dog Moose, aka Moomie. He’s 9 lbs., and my sweet little dude.
Language matters because it tells us who gets to be the default and who gets a label.
And frankly, I’m tired of being labeled when men just get to exist.
Sherene Jensen is a writer, educator, and editor. Her essays are featured in several Medium-based publications, including The Memoirist, Write A Catalyst, and Age of Empathy. She is also the founding editor of Shaped Souls, a personal essay publication focused on emotionally honest storytelling.
