7 Signs You Might Be Depressed That Have Very Little To Do With Feeling Sad
Mikhail Nilov | PexelsEvery day, I hear from women in need of help. Almost without exception, they say things like "I hate myself" or "I hate my life", when what they really mean to ask, even if they don't consciously know it, is, "Am I depressed?"
More often than not, these women have lives that involve successful careers, healthy romantic relationships, close family, and good physical health, yet still they are miserable for reasons they don't understand. So as we talk, I'm careful to look for signs of depression that these women might be missing when they look at themselves.
When I do see what might be symptoms of depression, even if they have nothing to do with feeling sad, I make sure to say so. After all, the earlier depression and other mental health conditions are properly diagnosed by a licensed, qualified professional, the easier and more effective treatment is likely to be.
Here are 7 signs you might be depressed that have very little to do with feeling sad:
1. Self-loathing
One of the biggest signs of depression that is also one of the hardest to spot is self-loathing. People who are depressed, hopeless, listless, angry, and isolated are people who don’t like themselves or their lives.
They don’t like the behaviors they are displaying, the hurt they are causing people, or their lack of interest in things that used to make them happy. They feel bad because getting up off the couch is truly impossible, and this makes them focus on what a loser they must be.
Furthermore, because there is such a stigma around mental health issues, people who are depressed blame themselves for their mindset. They believe it when people tell them to suck it up or snap out of it. They believe that, because they can’t manage their mood, they are, in fact, losers.
And believing that you are a loser only exacerbates depression. If you are struggling with your self-esteem in a way that you haven’t before, you could very well be depressed. I want you to know, very clearly, that this depression is not your fault.
The self-blaming spiral is never a personal failing. Depression is something you are experiencing because of a chemical or hormonal change, a specific life occurrence, or a set of circumstances. It’s not something that you can just brush off, but it is something you can deal with by seeking help.
2. Hopelessness
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Are you struggling with feelings of hopelessness? When you think about the future, are you filled with dread because your future looks so bleak? When we are depressed, positively looking to the future is literally impossible.
When we are depressed, it’s hard to imagine that we will ever feel any differently than we do right now, so the idea that the future might be bright is impossible to imagine. Hopelessness is one of the most insidious signs of depression, because it can lead to thoughts of suicide.
Understand that your feelings of hopelessness exist because of your depression, and not because you are worthless or there truly is no hope that things will be better in the future. Seeking help is the best thing you can do to manage it.
3. Changes in your usual sleeping pattern
Are you having trouble sleeping? Are you sleeping way more than you used to? Changes in sleeping patterns are one of the major signs of depression. We sleep less because we often lie awake with thoughts of how much we hate ourselves and our lives, keeping us up.
Furthermore, we sleep more because our body feels heavy and our mind is tired, and sleep is the ultimate escape, if only for a bit. If your sleep patterns have changed, recognize that this is one of the signs of depression and consider seeking treatment.
Medical reasons, such as hormonal imbalances, hyperthyroidism, sleep issues, chronic pain, and diabetes, can influence mood changes that further feed the toll of depression itself.
4. Lack of interest in things that used to make you happy
Are the things that have always made you happy things that you now find unthinkable to do? When I get depressed, doing things that I have always loved to do, like hiking, reading, or life coaching, are almost impossible.
Instead, I lie around and watch TV and shut myself off from the things that make me happy. And lying around watching TV actually sinks me into a deeper depression than I had before — ironic, no? If you are struggling to do the things that you love most, you might be suffering from depression.
5. Listlessness
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One of the easiest signs of depression to notice is a distinct listlessness. Do you have less energy than you used to? Does getting off the couch or out of bed seem simply impossible?
I always say that my depression is a 100-pound gorilla on my back, one who comes along with me doing my everyday tasks and makes doing them way more difficult because of its weight. If you are struggling more than before with having the energy to live your life, you might be depressed, and, again, seeking help would be a good idea.
6. Anger and impatience
Do you find yourself quick to anger or impatient with those you love more than you used to be? Are your co-workers complaining because you are difficult to work with? Is your husband staying away because your irritation with him has grown? Do you find the kid’s bedtime routine can enrage you in a way that it hasn’t before?
Being more angry and impatient than usual can be one of the signs of depression, and seeking help will be important before that anger harms your life and your relationships.
According to marriage and family therapist George Taylor, this type of irritability is usually "connected to stress and unrealistic expectations" and can mask the deeper issue underneath. He recommends recognizing it for what it is before the anger starts to harm your relationships.
7. Self-imposed isolation
One of the major signs of depression is the tendency to isolate. When we are depressed, the idea of spending time with other people is almost unbearable. The thought of interacting with people in any way fills us with such a feeling of hopelessness and dread that we just can’t do it.
Ironically, one of the best coping skills for managing depression is to spend time with those you love, to laugh and live, and push that depression to the side, if only for a while. Are you finding yourself wanting to keep away from others more than usual? If you do, you could be depressed, and I encourage you to get help before your isolation makes everything worse.
Noticing the signs of depression is a key part of accepting that you might be depressed and starting to figure out how to live the life that you want. An important part of managing your depression is accepting it, and you can more easily do that by looking out for the signs.
Be on the lookout so you can notice if you are feeling hopeless, have a change in your sleeping patterns, if you have no energy or interest in doing things, if you are quick to anger, and if you really don’t like yourself.
Without exception, my clients who are willing to accept that they might be depressed and consult with their primary care doctor or licensed mental health professional for treatment find some peace and hope just in understanding where their unhappiness is coming from.
And with treatment, their lives often have improved and even turned completely around. This can be you, too. Imagine what it would feel like to not hate yourself and your life, but to get up every day feeling hopeful and happy. Pretty amazing, right?
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based certified life coach and mental health advocate. She works exclusively with women to help them be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.
