Smart Empaths Usually Stop Tolerating 10 Things As They Get Older
Rido | ShutterstockDespite being an important part of building relationships, empathy is also a risky strength.
Especially for empaths, who often take their care for others' emotions and feelings to another level, internalization can be a risk factor for all kinds of mental health struggles, according to a study from Development and Psychopathology. However, with age also comes self-knowledge and stronger boundaries, leading smart empaths to stop tolerating certain things that drained their energy in youth.
Smart empaths usually stop tolerating 10 things as they get older
1. Being available all the time
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From poor work-life balance to a phone that's always charged in their hand, empaths are easily affected by their own availability. If someone can always reach out to them or ping their phone with a mind-wandering distraction, they're always at the mercy of someone else's needs.
However, smart empaths are more intentional about their literal and digital boundaries as they get older to avoid these unnecessary drains. They're careful about the conversations they make space for and the work they take home, as well as the routines they entertain on a regular basis, because they don't need people understanding that they're always available, especially at their own expense.
2. Bad relationships
There's a reason why so many people shrink their social circles as they get older. Yes, they're more interested in building deep, meaningful connections, but they're also less tolerant of the kind of behavior that they might have allowed space for earlier in their lives. From platonic jealousy to settling in romantic relationships, these are the kinds of things smart empaths no longer drain their energy over.
Especially considering that long-term relationships take more effort and can bring about more fatigue in toxic dynamics than young flings and friends, as empaths get older, they have to be more restrictive with their time and energy.
3. Being the 'fixer'
Many empaths define their own personal identity by how they can help others. They observe people's hurt and feelings, and then go a step further, trying to support or fix them. While this can sometimes help people feel seen and boost closeness in a relationship, most of the time, it just drains an empath's energy and encourages them to take on stress that's not theirs to carry.
Even in platonic relationships, being the "therapist friend" is just another form of fixing people and creating safe spaces for everyone else to feel valued. However, without any of that support in return, being the fixer becomes less sustainable with age.
4. Saying 'yes' to everything
From obligations at work they can't manage without staying late or social plans on a Friday night after an incredibly draining week, empaths often sabotage their own energy levels by trying to appease others. They want to make other people's lives easier and support them with their struggles, but usually, a lack of boundaries around this desire only makes their lives harder.
They avoid the alone time they need to decompress and recharge, only to further drain themselves with everyone else's needs. While the pressure to keep up and do everything was vibrant in youth, as they get older, they can stop tolerating this need to always say "yes."
5. Staying in high-stress environments
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From staying in a demanding, high-stress job environment for money or prestige to tolerating toxic friendships that always stir up feelings of anxiety, empaths are quickly drained by chaos. Whether it's literal sensory chaos or an emotional storm, highly empathetic people can't put their blinders up.
When stress is also likely to affect all kinds of nervous system and physiological responses, empaths aren't just taking on emotional chaos when they stay in these environments. They're also putting their actual, physical health at risk.
6. Roommates
Even though there is far more nuance to modern adults' need for roommates to manage rising rent costs, many empaths are reprioritizing how they spend on living expenses to avoid the drain of roommates. Especially when resentment and frustration constantly bubble up with roommates, empaths are especially at risk of being drained and affected.
Not every roommate situation is inherently toxic or bad, but when friends or peers expect an empath to always be available, their safe space at home becomes rigid. They no longer have a space to recharge, but now a shared home where they have to be on edge or emotionally available for others.
So, even when it's hard or uncomfortable, many aging empaths find ways to carve out alone time. If that means avoiding roommates with financial choices, they do. Otherwise, it's getting crafty with their own space to avoid being constantly drained.
7. Chronic complainers
Everyone needs to vent and complain about something from time to time. That's just how life is. We experience hard things, but then we complain about it and move on. The healthiest people accept their complaints, but also take action. However, too much complaining without changing anything tends actually to rewire the brain for negativity.
Considering that negativity is contagious to most people, empaths are also at a high risk of being affected when they're around people who can never take accountability or feel entitled to ease and comfort all the time. As they get older, they may end relationships with these people, but they stop entertaining these kinds of conversations. Either they create space, or they stop reassuring someone's complaints.
8. Attention-seekers
Empaths are uniquely vulnerable to attention-seeking people because they struggle to set their boundaries. They're always willing to reassure and provide validation, even when it's draining and difficult to keep up with.
While some of their attention-seeking friends and loved ones may heal or grow out of these behaviors with age, some have them written into their personalities. They'll always need other people to feel secure and drain the energy of empaths around them who don't know how to say "no."
That's why the smart and sensitive empaths will choose to create space with these people as they get older. They won't be constantly available for them, and won't always reassure them at their own expense when they make mistakes or feel insecure.
9. Overstimulating spaces and triggers
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While most people can't control when they get overstimulated or the chaos of external environments, sensitive people who know their vulnerabilities to sensory information can set boundaries and be intentional with where they spend their time. As a study from Scientific Reports explains, highly sensitive people are at greater risk of overstimulation, so they need these kinds of boundaries to protect themselves.
As a smart empath gets older, they may not get any less overwhelmed by chaos, but they do know themselves better. They know their triggers and what's too much for them to cope with in the moment, and they avoid those things. There's no more making excuses for people or trying to push through terribly draining situations. There's just space.
10. Sacrificing self-care
For smart empaths, reclaiming their energy means going inward and figuring out what they need, and then providing it for themselves. If they only have 50% energy, and they need all 50%, other people's needs have to wait until they've recharged their own batteries.
As they get older, managing that balance of self-awareness and self-care becomes easier, but never easy. They have to actively break old habits every single day, whether it's learning to say "no" in favor of rest or creating space with a narcissistic person who feels entitled to their effort.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
