5 Small Things People Who Know How To Find Happiness Do When It Feels Really Out Of Reach
Viktoriia Bu | ShutterstockI'm a person with depression, and I'm also a person with anxiety. Basically, what I'm saying is that I am a pleasure to know. All joking aside, I know what it's like to wake up wanting it to end and not being able to do anything to fix a sense of chronic unhappiness.
It seems like the Internet is full of people who are more than eager to give depressed people advice on how to be happy when you're depressed. They are all well-intentioned, but they are also all not depressed people. Telling us to take a bath and harness our chi isn't going to magically transform us overnight.
If you want to know how to find happiness when it feels very out of reach, sometimes you have to listen to another depressed person. Studies have shown the best approaches focus on building strengths for overall recovery, rather than just symptom relief. Someone like me, who manages their depression, but is fully aware of how impossible it feels sometimes to summon the ability to care about anything.
Here are 5 small things people who know how to find happiness do when it feels really out of reach:
1. People who know how to find happiness talk about their unhappiness
Depression is insidious, silent, and invisible. You might be crumbling under the strain of it, but no one around you can see it, as hard as that might be to believe. I have found a really helpful way to externalize that depression and make it easier to handle is by talking about it.
You can talk about it with a therapist, but you don't have to. Talk to your family, talk to your friends, tell them what's going on inside your brain. Having someone to help you carry that load makes it lighter, and that lightness can lead to happiness, even if only momentarily.
"Get out of the house," advised personal development coach Gretchen Martens. "Let your friends support you. Ask for their help. Don’t worry about being downer. Have you ever been there for your friends? Think of it as reciprocity. But if friends are downers, you should avoid them. If your limbic system begins to resonate with them, you risk being pulled into a deeper downward spiral of depression."
2. They change their situation
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Stagnation is a common side effect of depression. Sometimes you find yourself stuck: in your bed, your house, your bad relationship, or your dead-end job. Research has shown that trying to change just one thing about your daily routine can provide a jolt of happiness.
It can be something major, like starting to take antidepressants, or it can be something minor, like changing the route you take to walk home every day. Forcing yourself out of the malaise that depression can cause can sometimes mean the world.
3. People who know how to find happiness shake off the slump
I know, I know. When depression has you in its thrall, the last thing you want to do is move any part of your body. But moving your body helps, even if only in the short term.
A walk around the block, a visit to the gym, even going to the mailbox and back, can flood your body with serotonin, the happiness hormone. Exercise can help people with depression, but what people don't say is that exercise doesn't have to be a five-mile run. (See aforementioned walk to mailbox.)
Therapist Dr. Gloria Brame, Ph.D., recommended, "For the most benefit, you need to walk or exercise regularly. 3 times a week is the minimum to see significant improvement, both in terms of stress management and overall mental wellness. As always, check with your doctor if you have any conditions that might interfere with starting any new exercise routines."
4. They accept defeat
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There are going to be days when you won't be able to feel happy. You'll try, and you'll try, but you'll dissolve into tears or worse, feel like a total zombie. That's going to happen some days. That's how being depressed works. Don't make it worse by beating yourself up for failing to "fix" yourself. You're perfect exactly how you are.
Psychologist Sara Denman, PsyD, suggested, "Depression can be very tricky to treat because when someone is depressed, doing anything can become overwhelming. Often, people do not understand that they are depressed, especially during joyful times. Sometimes people blame their depression on a physical problem and begin by seeking out medical help rather than psychological help. It is important to accurately identify the issue so it can be treated appropriately."
5. People who know how to find happiness seek out human connection
Depression likes to isolate us. It keeps up locked up in little rooms of sadness and self-loathing. People are the cure. If you need a dose of happiness, connect with someone in your life. Get coffee, or just text a friend to see what's up. Getting outside of yourself and reconnecting with the world can often be the trigger to a prolonged spell of happiness.
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a freelance writer, editor, former Senior Editor of Pop Culture at Newsweek, and former Senior Staff Writer for YourTango. She has a passion for lifestyle, geek news, and true crime topics. Her bylines have appeared on Fatherly, Bustle, SheKnows, Jezebel, and many others.
