7 Rare Qualities That Make Someone Instantly More Likable When They Talk, According To Psychology
These uncommon qualities will make people sit straight up and listen.
cottonbro studio | PexelsI have struggled to get people to listen to me or read my writing for many years. As I wrote more and came out of my shell, certain things I changed in my approach led to positive responses.
Likeable people know who they are. They are confident enough to be comfortable in their skin. By concentrating on what drives you and makes you happy as an individual, you become a much more interesting person who people naturally want to listen to than if you try to win people over by making choices you think will make them like you.
Here are the rare qualities that make someone instantly more likable when they talk:
1. They're specific
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Sweeping descriptions and vague concepts are like speaking in mumbles. People can’t see textures, and they want them. Be specific; use clear examples; add color, sound, and touch. This amplifies the user experience.
2. They're courageous
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Ultimately, the best communicators are willing to go places few have the guts to. Say what few are saying. Turn up the heat. Call out those who need calling out. Don’t be needlessly offensive or crude; say what needs to be said in the right context. Courageous leaders build the most loyal following.
3. They're repetitive — but not annoyingly
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Phrases, mottos, or ideas repeated at the right moments will add power to your communication. Repetition demonstrates belief in what you’re saying, and people will get behind this confidence. I sometimes even rewrite essential sentences in a text. This also applies to you showing up to communicate your ideas to the world, day after day. As someone once said, ‘Repetition is persuasion.’
4. They're vulnerable
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If you come across as too perfect or one-dimensional, people lose interest. Tell us your little struggles, and you will open up a part of you that is human. People will open up to you, too. But don’t use a vague idea to skirt the discomfort of vulnerability. Be specific.
5. They're inspiring
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People are looking to be inspired by what others have done successfully. This is why movies and stories told well are so successful. They feature a relatable character overcoming obstacles in pursuit of their goal and the change they experienced. Communicate these things, and people will hang on your every word.
6. They say what they mean
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The best communicators often say things they don’t 100% know are true. But they amass loyal fans because they say everything like they know it’s true. It’s not what you say but how you say it that makes the difference. Good communication is about demonstrating unwavering belief. If that’s absent, why would anyone trust you and take action in response to what you say?
7. They speak with confident posture
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How uptight you are physically will have a very close bearing on the quality of your words, whether through writing or speaking. Few get this. We can inadvertently block our creative flow because we are wound up tighter than a tin toy truck. Take a breath, let go, lean into the uncertainty, and you’ll connect with a deeper intelligence. This will make people sit up and listen.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.
