6 Rare Habits Of Men Who Avoid A Midlife Crisis And Don’t Completely Ruin Their Lives
Aflo Images | CanvaMidlife has a reputation for making men do impulsive, life-altering things: quitting stable jobs, and ruining perfectly good relationships in search of something more. But not everyone goes down that path.
Some men go through this phase with clarity, which is often the result of a few habits that keep them tethered to real life.
Here are the six rare habits of men who avoid a midlife crisis and don’t completely ruin their lives:
1. Men who avoid a midlife crisis regularly practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is the first step for a reason. You must let go of the beliefs and judgments you learned from your outer world. You’ll need to sit quietly and learn to be an observer rather than a first responder.
One of the most powerful shifts a person can make is learning to think about their own thinking instead of just reacting to it, says psychologist Nick Wignall. That gap between a thought and your response to it is exactly where a meditation practice lives, and it is where real self-knowledge starts to develop.
You’ll then begin to differentiate the values that are true to you from the ones that were conditioned in you by some outside influence. You see yourself as two entities. One which is pure potential and one which responds to past conditioning that used to keep you safe, but now inhibits you.
2. They take a step back and ask, 'Is this actually me?'
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Once you’ve connected with your true self in meditation, you can create dialogues between your true essence and your conditioned ego. Expect some resistance early on because you’ve been conditioned to believe this is what crazy people do. Author Robert A. Johnson describes this in detail in his book, Living Your Unlived Life.
Developing your active imagination will allow you to resolve conflict between the self and the ego, the same as you would with another person in your outer world. You may find these dialogues are the most profound and enlightening conversations you’ve ever had.
This is because you’re tapping into a source of wisdom that can’t be found in the physical world. If this is starting to sound silly to you, know it’s your ego talking right now. Try asking what it wants. You might be surprised by a response.
3. Men who avoid a midlife crisis confront the Grim Reaper
Do visualization exercises around your death. Learn to embrace the reality that you will one day say goodbye to everyone you’ve ever met and loved. This may be scary, but consistent practice will move you from fear to gratitude and higher consciousness.
Licensed psychologist and life coach Dr. Judith Tutin explained that the people who thrive in later life are the ones who use the reality of limited time as a reason to show up more fully. Confronting the fact that your time here is finite is not morbid; it is one of the most direct routes to genuine appreciation for what you have right now.
4. They trust their gut
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There is scientific evidence that our guts are lined with neurons that correspond with our brains. The gut makes our first judgment intuitively, which means it hasn’t been manipulated by conditioned rationalizations. Often, we hear of people changing their original gut decision only to find out it was right all along.
This is why we’re taught to stick with our first answer on a multiple-choice question that we’re unsure of. A good way to begin practicing this is with Mel Robbins’s 5-second rule, where you respond to your gut within five seconds before your head can talk you out of it. Try it on some safe things first and gradually work your way up.
5. Men who avoid a midlife crisis lean on a trusted group
As I said earlier, you’re recovering from a dependency. The most effective thing I’ve found is a community of peers. If you can’t find one, start one. Meetup is a great place to find or start any group.
The ability to trust others and build real bonds starts with learning to trust yourself first, and that the two reinforce each other over time, says licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Yosi Amram. For men navigating major life changes, a trusted group is the environment where that kind of trust gets built and tested in real time.
6. They don't overlook the good in their lives
Gratitude is a tip I include in everything I write about because it works, plain and simple. Gratitude is my secret sauce for everything. If you’re like me, you’ve lost loved ones along the way. The fact that you’ve been hand-picked to fog up a mirror for another day is a miracle.
An overview of 64 randomized clinical trials found that regular gratitude practice reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression and improved overall mental health. Practice daily gratitude until it becomes an automatic response for you.
That alone will be a game-changer. Finally, permit yourself to feel the fear. As they say, “Everything you ever wanted exists on the other side of fear.”
Greg Boudle is a recovery life coach, published author, and professional speaker.
