People Who Always Play Dumb Usually Say 9 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Ekaterina Byuksel | ShutterstockSometimes, playing dumb is a good way to gather information or make others feel comfortable in conversation. It can also be used more nefariously, which is why it's smart to learn how to spot it.
People who always play dumb are often using it as a tactic to gain the upper hand and control everyone around them. Even in casual, everyday conversations, certain phrases are instant red flags that these people are pulling your leg and are a whole lot smarter than they portray themselves.
People who always play dumb will give themselves away by using these phrases when chatting:
1. ‘Why would I do that?’
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Instead of owning up to mistakes, people who play dumb try to avoid accountability. They always find a way to play the blame game with the people around them by asking questions like “Why would I do that?” and “What kind of person would do that?”
Even though they’re actively lying and breaking trust, it’s easier in their minds than confronting their mistakes head-on and apologizing.
2. ‘I’m just super busy right now’
Avoidance is common in someone who plays dumb. They can’t handle discomfort or criticism, so they pretend to be completely incompetent and ignorant to excuse themselves from it.
Whether it’s extra work in the office or getting out of chores at home, they always have an excuse. They lie about how busy they are to protect their comfort, usually at the expense of the people around them.
3. ‘You’re much better at this than I am’
When they don’t want to do something, playing dumb is the perfect tactic for a manipulative person to get what they want. It's a lot like weaponized incompetence where you pretend to be bad at something so no one asks you to do it again.
The kicker is that the person acting dumb is also subtly complimenting the person they are getting to do the work for them. It creates a weird dynamic where they manipulate but also bolster the manipulated person's ego.
4. ‘I must’ve missed that email’
Instead of owning up when they forgot to do something, people who play dumb to get what they want will make up all kinds of excuses.
Not only does using this kind of language consistently lower other people’s expectations in them, but it ensures that everyone perceives them as incompetent.
5. ‘I don’t want to mess it up’
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As another form of weaponized incompetence, someone saying “I don’t want to mess it up” is rarely an attempt to protect a project's quality. They care more about protecting their own time and laziness.
This is especially evident when they know someone else will swoop in to save the day. Whether it’s at work asking co-workers to do something for them or passing off household labor onto a partner, they play dumb to avoid discomfort.
6. ‘Nobody ever taught me how to do that’
Instead of learning a new skill or at the very least, trying, someone who consistently plays dumb sticks to using subterfuge to avoid responsibility.
Even if it means putting more responsibility and work onto someone else’s plate, they’ll say things like “nobody ever taught me” instead of trying to take initiative. They clearly expect everyone else to protect their feelings and comfort, because playing dumb protects them from needing to put in any effort themselves.
7. ‘What do you mean by that?’
It’s quite disrespectful when someone constantly asks “What do you mean by that?” when they’re listening to someone sharing an opinion. They’re forcing someone to overexplain themselves, usually so they don’t have to do any emotional labor or put in any effort.
It’s not their way of seeking understanding. It’s their way of seeking control.
8. ‘I don’t really have an opinion’
When they don’t want to pick sides or argue, many people play dumb as an avoidance tactic. It's a lot easier than having to defend their opinion. When they do this often, however, it can damage trust in a relationship.
Truly intelligent people lean into this kind of discourse, even when it’s not always easy or comfortable. However, someone willing to play dumb in the wrong moments overlooks the power of good conversation in favor of their own instant comfort and convenience.
9. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’
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In personal situations, when they’re being held accountable, or their actions are called out, people play dumb to avoid taking responsibility. They’ll use classic lines like “I don’t know what you’re talking about” to protect themselves, even though it couldn’t be more obvious that they’re lying.
They think if they refuse to own up to what they did or admit they made a mistake, it will all go away. The problem is if they use this tactic too often with the same person, it will quickly stop working.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
