People With High Self-Esteem But A Low Emotional IQ Tend To Say 9 Phrases That Offend Others
Alexey Demidov | PexelsMany people who are confident but have a low emotional IQ tend to be wrapped up in their own experiences.
They have a greater capacity to understand their emotions than they do others. Despite being the center of their own world, that creates all sorts of habits and phrases that unintentionally offend others. The lack of empathy is clear in misunderstandings and disconnection, even if they don't realize it.
Offensive phrases people say when they have high self-esteem but low emotional IQ
1. 'Just be happy'
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While it's possible for someone with high self-esteem to be unhappy, oftentimes that optimism that self-security creates helps people to feel better about themselves. They know how to feel good because they're secure in themselves and their own needs. But when it comes to supporting others, they tend to fall flat.
"Just be happy" might seem kind, but it tends to dismiss the emotions and invalidate the experiences of whoever is around. What was probably intended to be a comforting and helpful phrase comes across as an ignorant and arrogant response.
2. 'Why wouldn't you just do this?'
Unsolicited advice may come from a good place, yet often seems intrusive and invalidating. They want support and to feel heard, but instead get a solution from someone trying to fix their problems. The intention to make someone feel better is there, but the understanding of what they actually want is not.
People with secure self-worth might feel comfortable helping others and even want to make them feel better, but they tend to lack the empathy and perspective to show up for them in healthy ways.
3. 'You're wrong'
When you're assured in yourself, but blind to the nuances and nonverbal cues of the people around you, it can create misunderstandings. These people find themselves in these awkward situations quite often, because they're more likely to say "you're wrong" than "Why do you feel that way?"
They fall short on putting themselves in other people's shoes. And while they might understand their own complicated experiences, they don't always get others'.
4. 'I know what I'm talking about'
Many overconfident people tend to be more unskilled, constantly overestimating their own abilities and talking up abilities they don't actually have. While "I know what I'm talking about" may truly be a reflection of their own self-esteem, it also comes across as dismissive to others trying to express their thoughts.
Unfortunately, these people often have the security they need to learn from others, but they lack the emotional IQ to have truly curious and productive conversations. They shut them down before they have a chance to learn and soak up different perspectives.
5. 'I'm setting a boundary'
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These people know how to advocate for themselves and protect their peace, but because they lack emotional IQ, they don't have the empathy to discuss their boundaries. They may even use justifications like being an "honest person" to protect themselves, not realizing that they're excusing cruelty.
Direct communication is a healthy part of good relationships, but when directness becomes cruel, it can quickly chip away at trust and connection.
6. 'You're being immature'
With a strong sense of personal need and self-worth, these folks may subconsciously turn their back on people less evolved. Even if it's a difference in how they communicate those needs or an immaturity they see in others, they may use phrases like this to dismiss people they perceive as less emotionally intelligent.
Ironically, their lack of empathy toward these people is a clear sign they have room to grow. Yes, tolerating inconsistency and attention-seeking behaviors isn't great, but sometimes, calling people out can have its own consequences.
7. 'That's a crazy thing to say'
Many people who lack empathy also lack an appreciation for context. They very obviously account for their own specific needs, but when they're expected to empathize with nuance in someone else's story, it feels impossible.
They may make fun of people for not being emotionally evolved or call them out for not respecting their boundaries, even if their communication styles don't match up or if it's their own ignorance that's to blame.
8. 'I wouldn't do that'
As a 2019 study explains, people who are more open to noticing and understanding different perspectives also score better on emotion-recognition tasks. They need a certain layer of empathy in order to consider other viewpoints.
For someone with a low emotional IQ, lacking in emotional recognition skills and empathy, "I wouldn't do that" is a common response. They can't separate their own emotions and needs from other people, so they tend to feel correct all the time, despite their own emotions not being facts.
9. 'That's not what happened'
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Someone with a high sense of self, but low emotional awareness and empathy around others, tends to prioritize their own experiences. Their identity and needs come first.
They lack curiosity about others because they struggle to understand people in the same way they understand themselves. That's part of what causes conflicts in their relationships. They can't simply validate someone else's experience when it's different from their own, and tend to say things like "that's not what happened" that feel invalidating.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
