If A Person Can Be 100% Trusted, You'll Know It When You See Them Do These 7 Things On Repeat
Daria Trofimova | UnsplashTrustworthy people aren't always perfect, but they're consistent. After freelancing for years in a domain I had to learn on my own, I've picked up a few techniques that help me win over prospective clients, and the biggest factor always came down to how much a client trusted me. Was I honest about the little things? Was I unwilling to compromise my morals? Would I tell the truth, even if it didn't benefit me?
Other trust factors come into play, too: leading a church taught me how to get people to a place where they're comfortable being vulnerable with me. Here are the techniques I use to learn who can be absolutely trusted and won't compromise their values for a quick win.
If a person can be 100% trusted, you'll know it when you see them do these 7 things on repeat:
1. They do what they say they'll do
The key to doing what you'll say you'll do is to underpromise. For example, if you think a task will take three days to complete, say you'll need a week. This gives you leeway if life gets in the way for a few days. To take doing what you'll say to the next level, aim to over-deliver. If you've told your recipients you need a week, but you know you can do it in three, just do it in three. They'll be amazed by how fast you move and appreciate you dearly.
In essence, over-delivering makes the person on the receiving end feel highly valued. This makes them seek to reciprocate the emotions you gave them by giving them back to you. What you want to stay well clear of is telling people one thing and doing another.
Research published in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that consistently following through on commitments is one of the strongest predictors of trust, because people see it as a sign of reliability and integrity. Don't propose to do more than you're capable of. Repeat after me: underpromise and over-deliver.
2. They're honest, even when it's uncomfortable
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I recently onboarded a new freelance client. The first thing I told them in our call was, "I've got a lot of work in the pipeline and can only start what you need from me in two weeks." To my surprise, they said, "Sure," and sent over the contract.
Transparency opens the door for honest conversation and collaboration. When you're honest about your commitments and values, people are usually more understanding, which reduces feelings of mistrust.
During those two weeks, the client didn't message me once to ask whether I was still interested in taking on the contract. They knew I was busy. It also helps that I went out of my way to communicate with them. A week before the start date, I sent this email: "I'm going to start on the project you sent me sometime next week. I'll give you a heads up to let you know when that happens."
On the week I said I'd start, I sent this email: "Hey [name], just a heads up: I'll be getting started with the project on Thursday. Speak soon." He didn't respond to the first email, but here's what he replied to the second: "Hey! Thanks so much for the update! I'm super interested in how it's going to look.”
Honest and consistent communication is essential for building trust, especially when it's timely. We often imagine false scenarios about situations in our minds. This is why it's nice to reassure people from time to time and to be honest, even if it may offend, to ensure you're not misleading anyone. People will see you as a more genuine person as a result.
3. They're comfortable being themselves
Back when I was leading a church, I was also working as a postman. The church was over an hour from my house, so I often preached in a pair of joggers and an old t-shirt that I'd try my best to make somewhat presentable. One day, a member of my church came up to me and said, "Pastor Kurtis, I love the way you're just yourself." I thanked him, but still asked why.
He said, "You may not be where you want to be, but you don't pretend like you are. You're in the trenches with us, doing the things you're preaching about. I don't want to speak about others in this church, but you and I are both aware that many people are living well above their means to portray an image. You're not like that. For that reason, I know that with the right resources in your hand, you'll do good things."
What he didn't know is I was extremely conscious of how I looked behind the pulpit. I was vulnerable. Sometimes, I considered packing an extra bag of nice clothes I could change into when I arrived at the venue, but I never went through with it because I didn't have a locker at work since I was just an agency worker.
This event seriously touched me and taught me a major lesson about vulnerability. Being vulnerable makes people feel safe. When people feel safe, their guard goes down. Their guard going down is a sign of trust. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable.
4. They don't talk badly about people behind their backs
"You can tell a lot about a person and how they may approach a relationship with you by how they speak of their ex."
It's popular dating knowledge, yet the logic is simple: If someone only has negative things to say about their ex, expect them to be unable to take accountability when they're with you. If they say disrespectful things about their ex, expect them to be disrespectful toward you. If they dial in on the positives, take accountability, and portray their reasons for moving on in a positive light, you can expect them to be extremely reasonable and down-to-earth.
It's the same when you're in a job interview. You don't speak ill of the company you're leaving to your potential new employer, even if they were jerks, because it looks bad on you.
Talking badly about people, especially when they're not there, is the fastest way to lose trust. They instantly think, "Wow, if that's what she says about [insert name] when she's not there, imagine what she says about me."
Always try to speak well of others. As the adage goes, "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all."
5. They actually listen to understand
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Most people listen to respond. People who are trusted listen with the intent to understand. This is one of the concepts from Stephen Covey's book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He argues that listening with the intent to respond doesn't allow one to fully absorb what the other party is saying. You filter information that supports your perspectives and ignore everything else.
This causes you to draw false conclusions. When you draw false conclusions, the other person doesn't feel heard, which causes tension. They feel this way because they often have strong emotions about what they're saying. Your false conclusion tells them you don't understand how they feel, and because of this, they can't trust you.
Don't listen with intent to respond. Try to understand the other person by asking genuine questions that allow them to expand on what they're saying.
6. They make people feel accepted, not judged
One of the skills we're told to learn if we want to make people feel comfortable is to remember their names. Using someone's name is the easiest and most effective way to make them feel important. You're showing them you care, and when you make people feel important, their attitude toward you softens, and their guard goes down.
Research published in 2006 found that hearing your own name uniquely activates the brain, helping people feel more seen and engaged. When people feel that sense of acceptance, studies show they're far more likely to open up and build trust.
7. They take responsibility for their actions
My car broke down the day before Valentine's Day, so I had to call a rideshare instead. On the way there, traffic was heavy, and as everyone started inching forward, the car in front suddenly reversed into us with a loud thud. My driver freaked out.
The other driver got out and explained it was a manual car, and he didn't mean to go back. He had put the hand brake down so he could move forward, but we were on a slight hill, and it rolled back. I was skeptical. What if he drove off and the car was damaged? I recorded the plate, but the other driver got out, checked it, and said, "It's all good, come and see."
My driver didn't even get out of the car. He just rolled down his window and replied, "Don't worry, bro. I'll take your word." Everyone got in their car and went their separate ways.
Taking accountability when things go wrong is another easy way to win someone's trust. When you own your mistakes, you display a high level of self-awareness, which implicitly communicates to others that you have a conscience.
My driver trusted the words of a stranger. People are more likely to respect and trust you when you take ownership of your mess-ups. I'm pretty sure if the driver tried to deflect blame, it would've been a completely different outcome.
Our existence as a species is deeply baked in our ability to trust one another. Without it, we don't form connections that allow us to build and improve humanity. Thus, you must know how to earn people's trust without compromising your values.
But remember: "With great power comes great responsibility." Don't try to gain people's trust to take advantage of them.
Kurtis Pykes is a professional writer and author of the free e-book Don't Just Set Goals, Build Systems. He's had articles featured on Medium, Nvidia blog, DataCamp, and neptune.ai, among many others.
