10 Habits People With Super Low Self-Esteem Develop Without Even Realizing It
Studio Romantic | ShutterstockIt's easy to judge people who are struggling with their confidence, but showing a little compassion can go a long way. When someone views themselves in such a negative light, it affects the way they move through life. Unfortunately, a person suffering from low self-esteem can develop bad habits over time, often without realizing it.
Instead of getting the grace and understanding they need, they unintentionally sabotage their own well-being. Unlearning unhealthy and toxic behaviors takes time, but because these destructive habits have become the norm, it's difficult for them to break free.
If someone has low self-esteem, they'll develop habits without realizing it
1. Constant self-deprecation
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Dealing with low self-esteem makes people doubt they're good enough, so it's no surprise they put themselves down with self-deprecation. While it might seem obvious to others, someone suffering from a lack of confidence doesn't even realize how they speak about themselves.
These individuals don't realize just how powerful words truly are. But as psychology professor Jeffrey S. Nevid explained, "We think in words, and the words we utter can have psychological impacts, especially words we pin on ourselves." So, it's crucial to monitor how we speak about ourselves.
2. Over-apologizing for everything
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When a person over-apologizes for their actions, they aren't trying to be a pick-me or get attention. While it may seem desperate, those with low self-esteem develop this habit because they're terrified of being abandoned. Blame it on trauma and past experiences, but they're trying their best to keep their small support circle together.
They do everything in their power to make things right, and as admirable as taking accountability may be, over-apologizing is damaging. Saying "I'm sorry" can lose its power when someone says it too often, and makes others perceive you as annoying, losing respect for you as well.
3. Never accepting compliments
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People with low self-esteem spend most of their lives feeling invisible, so being praised can feel like a shock to the system. Whether it's their boss telling them they did a good job or their partner expressing how beautiful they are, they feel overwhelmed when they're made the center of attention.
As a result, they can't accept compliments from anyone, and it doesn't matter how sincere someone is being. Psychotherapist Myron Nelson explained, "There are probably too many reasons to name for why you have a hard time accepting compliments: low self-esteem, trauma, depression, a lack of compliments in your childhood, too many compliments in your childhood."
4. Pushing their boundaries for others
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People set boundaries to let others know what they will and won't accept, but someone seriously lacking self-esteem will push their boundaries aside to make others happy. While it's a beautiful thing to make those around you feel appreciated, it can be emotionally draining.
There's nothing wrong with wanting someone to be content, but people with with low self-esteem do so because they're terrified of being abandoned or rejected. Hating the idea of being alone, they push their needs aside to ensure that nobody ever has a reason for leaving them.
5. Overthinking social interactions
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Nobody thinks of the social interactions they have in their daily lives. From bumping into people at the grocery store to interacting with co-workers, we only think twice when we do something that's embarrassing or strange. However, those lacking confidence reflect on their actions constantly.
Terrified of accidentally hurting or offending others, overthinking social interactions comes with a ton of anxiety. Anxiety is strongly linked with low self-esteem, so it makes complete sense that rumination and overthinking are bad habits these individuals develop unconsciously.
6. Rejecting good opportunities because they don't feel worthy enough
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Those with low self-esteem tend to be the most efficient people. Hyper-aware of their behavior and how they come across to others, they're often given many good opportunities. From promotions to invaluable experiences, it's unfortunate that they have the habit of rejecting those prospects.
Feeling second nature to them, they reject others not because they're trying to be cruel, but because they don't believe they can live up to other people's expectations. Always doubting themselves and the value they bring, their inability to move forward only makes their insecurity worse.
7. Seeking constant external validation
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Dealing with low self-esteem is a constant battle. Not having the power or ability to validate themselves, they seek the approval of others. Whether it's demanding comfort or asking lots of questions, the need for acceptance controls their lives.
It isn't intentional, it's just a way they deal with their insecurity. Feeling overwhelmed and not knowing where to put it, they make it everyone else's problem. And while this isn't their fault that they've developed this bad habit, it's important to find a way to control it.
As psychotherapist Sherry Gaba revealed, along with validation on social media, looking for that same feeling in person "can create anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, and make it [compulsive] to hear praise, acceptance, and acknowledgment in all aspects of life."
8. Downplaying their achievements to make others feel comfortable
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While it may feel like nobody understands them, people around us deal with their own fair share of insecurity issues. They may find themselves unreasonably jealous or feel intimidated by their own accomplishments, and try their best to push through by making others feel good.
They uplift everyone around them, but downplay their achievements in the process. Whether it's making jokes at their own expense or not mentioning their accomplishments, they just want others to feel okay. Even if it's unhealthy, so long as they can keep their loved ones by their side, they're willing to destroy the little confidence they have left.
9. Staying in unhealthy relationships for too long
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People struggling with super low self-esteem tend to treat themselves poorly, including staying in relationships way past their expiration date. Because they can't see their own value, they won't leave toxic partners or situations. Already used to the mistreatment from themselves, they stay because it's just normal.
According to Megan McCarthy, lead author of research published by the University of Waterloo, "There is a perception that people with low self-esteem tend to be more negative and complain a lot more. While that may be the case in some social situations, our study suggests that in romantic relationships, the partner with low self-esteem resists addressing problems."
10. Over-preparing
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When people have low self-esteem, they don't realize how abnormal it is to over-prepare for every event in their lives. In their eyes, a little perfectionism never hurt anyone, and they hate the idea of failing those around them.
For the average person, they can accept that everything they do won't be perfect, and that, as much as they may try, being over-prepared isn't always realistic. But rather than giving themselves that same grace, people with with low self-esteem won't let themselves be perceived as lazy.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
