People Who Wallow In Their Own Misery Usually Tell Themselves These 6 Lies On Repeat
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | CanvaMisery has a voice, and it loves to sound like the truth.
Almost everyone has a little inner PA system in their brain that talks to them all day long. It's the voice that warns you when something feels risky, tells you when you've messed up, and argues with you about what you should or shouldn't do next. But that voice isn't always wise, and it definitely isn't always telling the truth. For people who wallow in their own misery, those thoughts can become lies they repeat so often that they start to feel real. These lies keep people stuck and convinced they're powerless, even when the truth is much kinder than the voice in their head.
People who feel stuck in their own misery usually believe these 6 surprisingly convincing lies:
1. They tell themselves resistance means they're powerful
Your voice encourages you to resist obligations and opportunities (both pleasant and unpleasant) because the PA system is broadcasting "I don't want to." In fact, your voice assures you that nobody can make you do anything.
Sometimes, overwhelmed by the cacophony of the PA system, not even you can make you. So, you stay stuck in inaction while the PA system keeps insisting, "I'm powerful because I'm resisting."
Truth: Resistance usually keeps you stuck, not powerful.
Many of us dread filing income tax returns and eventually, we file them anyway. You fret about tackling your financial records for months on end when you could get the job done in far less time ("far less time" here means hours rather than months).
You don't have to make yourself do this. You simply override the PA for a moment, agree with yourself that you will do this, and then do it.
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2. They tell themselves they're not good enough and nothing will ever get better
This lie comes in many flavors. Your voice says: "I'm a loser. I'm not good enough. I'm not important. I'm not smart enough. I'm wrong. I always screw up." And the PA might then broadcast: "I've tried everything. Nothing works. Nothing is ever going to work. Why bother at all?"
And when you achieve success, there's your PA system attributing your success to luck. According to your voice, you're just pretending to be capable. Everybody else is better than you at everything.
Truth: One bad moment doesn't define your whole life.
You, like everyone else, have strengths, talents, and abilities that make you more capable than your inner critic wants you to believe. If you don't believe this, ask others who love you what they appreciate about you. Accept that their image of you is more reliable than your own.
Sure, you may have screwed up this time. That doesn't make you pathetic, and it doesn't mean you will always screw up. Keep going anyway.
3. They tell themselves they have to handle everything alone
The PA system would have you believe that you're on your own, isolated and independent: "I don't need help." Maybe its message is that you cannot trust others, that others don't care about what happens to you, or that others are well-meaning yet unreliable.
Possibly the PA message is that nobody else can do the job as well as you can, so you can sensibly rely only on yourself.
Truth: You're allowed to ask for help and receive it.
Very few of us live completely isolated lives. You have friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, and others you interact with regularly. Most would be delighted to help you. Any one of them would offer you support if you simply asked.
Talking to others is one tool that can help you effectively override the PA system. Conversation can be one of the best ways to stop spiraling and remember that you don't have to figure everything out alone. Reach out and talk to someone.
4. They tell themselves staying small is safer than being seen
Like the Wizard of Oz, your voice wants to run the show from behind the curtain, and it does this by hiding your abilities and downplaying your successes. If you succeed, people may notice, and then your hidden voice will have to navigate a higher standard of purposeful action.
Better, according to the PA system, to keep other people's expectations low: other people won’t expect much of you, and you'll never disappoint them by failing.
Truth: Hiding your strengths won't protect you from disappointment.
Being insignificant may feel comfortable at any given moment but will ultimately disappoint. It will never bring you happiness, joy, or success. Set goals, big goals, for yourself, goals that will make a difference not only in your life but also in the lives of others.
Strive to obtain them. Invite others to join you on this powerful path you're walking. Share your accomplishments and failures as you celebrate the journey of making a difference.
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5. They tell themselves life is unfair and none of it is their fault
Despite your best efforts, life won't always go your way. Life is littered with accidental falls, misplaced papers, spilled coffee, and pandemics.
Your PA system whines, "It's just not fair. I've done everything I was supposed to do, and the results aren't there." And then comes the refrain, "It's not my fault. How can anybody blame me?"
And, because life goes the way it goes, this cycle endlessly repeats.
Truth: Life can be unfair, but you still get to choose your next move.
The PA system rages against the maelstrom of life's unexpected upsets. It is not going to help you batten down the hatches and prepare for the next storm.
What is there for you to do? Keep calm and carry on. Steady yourself and prepare to take on your life headfirst, whatever it throws at you. As the Stoic Seneca counseled, to bear trials with a calm mind robs misfortune of its strength and burden.
6. They tell themselves nobody else thinks this way
According to your voice, you're the only one who feels this way. You're troubled and ashamed and cannot tell anybody because nobody else would understand. Everybody else is perfect. Perfectly in control of their own lives, thoughts, and emotions.
You're the only one who is not in control of yourself, your feelings, your reactions, or your emotions. The PA message is that you're the only person who feels this miserable, this unhappy, and this alone.
Truth: Almost everyone wrestles with negative self-talk at some point.
Sometimes you recognize the nonsense broadcast by your own PA system. What you might not recognize is that everybody lives with a similar PA system in their heads.
These thoughts may sound personal, but most people hear some version of the same fears, doubts, and harsh inner criticism. You, while you may not realize it, are in the same boat that every other human being is in. Trust that we all fear failing in similar ways.
You are a fully capable human being who can create a brilliant life for yourself. The PA system will always be with you, and while it's tricky to master, it is tameable.
If you approach the PA system mindfully, you can both quiet its negative rumblings and, over time, train it to provide more positive messages. Understand and work with your PA system, and coach it from the dark side into the light. You'll enable yourself to achieve a more satisfying life.
Recognize that you're a fully capable human being who deserves a bold, joyful, fulfilled life. You, knowingly or unknowingly (with the aid of your personal PA), create your own life.
You contribute to the lives of the people around you, in small ways and big. Create a brilliant life for yourself and those you love.
Susan Kulakowski, MBA/MS, is a writer who has been actively pursuing personal and professional development since 2017. Her focus is on making personal development courses available for children and their families.
