People Who Don’t Care To People Please Usually Refuse To Tolerate 7 Ridiculous Behaviors
Irina Shatilova | ShutterstockMost people spend at least some time worrying about keeping everyone else happy, but not everyone lives that way.
People-pleasing often stems from wanting to avoid conflict, be liked, or make others comfortable, even when it comes at your own expense. But people who have broken that habit usually have much stronger boundaries. They don't feel guilty for protecting their time, speaking up when something feels wrong, or walking away from behavior that doesn't sit right with them. Instead of trying to keep the peace at all costs, they know there are some things that simply aren't worth tolerating.
People who don't care about people pleasing refuse to tolerate these behaviors:
1. Being gaslit
The term 'gaslighting' has sort of become a trend on social media, but many people don't know its actual meaning. According to PsychologyToday, 'gaslighting' is "an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control. Victims of gaslighting are deliberately and systematically fed false information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves."
People-pleasers may fall victim to gaslighting because they don't want to be a burden or question others. For example, if their partner tells them they are in the wrong, they will just believe them. Non-people-pleasers will not question their own experiences or intelligence. They're less likely to fall victim to gaslighting because they're more willing to trust their own experiences and question manipulative behavior.
2. Getting pressured into scams or unnecessary purchases
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Have you ever bought something useless because you felt pressured by a salesperson? Well, people who don't care about pleasing others are less susceptible to this. They will simply say "no" or just walk away. Some people may view this as rude, whereas others see it as protecting themselves. We all have different ways of treating people, but maybe it’s worth unlearning how to people-please to save some money.
3. Giving away all of their time
It's never too late to learn how to not be a people pleaser. One way to start is by learning how to protect your time. Many people believe that when someone asks you for a favor, you must do it, no questions asked. You can learn, however, to say no if something is not worth your time. For example, if your sister wants you to pick her up from the airport but you really need to stay home after a long week, it's OK to say no from time to time. Learning to do this politely is a valuable skill.
4. People who are constantly late
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As somebody who used to be constantly late, I understand how easy it happens. You tell yourself you have a few more minutes, and then somehow you show up five minutes late to work. Time management is a skill that I have had to learn, because so many people view it as blatant rudeness.
Many employers will fire you if you're late, friends will think you're blowing them off, and teachers find it disrespectful. The difference between people is that some people will try to understand your perspective and let you off the hook for being a little late. People who aren't focused on keeping everyone happy are much more likely to call it out. If they feel disrespected, they will let you know.
5. Constant over-apologizing
As a people pleaser myself, I get it. You feel like you've hurt somebody's feelings and you really, really want them to know how sorry you are. Constantly apologizing can make conversations uncomfortable and may cause people to tune you out.
People who aren't trying to please you will tune you out or tell you to stop. It may also make other people feel uncomfortable because they don't know how to respond. Learning when and how to apologize is an important skill.
6. Dressing just to impress other people
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We all remember being in middle school and trying to wear what the popular kids were wearing. Most of us have (hopefully) grown out of this stage; however, some people are still worried about what other people think. They will pick their outfits specifically based on who they are hanging out with or who they might see.
People who do not care about pleasing others focus more on finding their own style. They can tune out other people's voices and wear what they like and what makes them feel good. Feeling comfortable in your own skin is often a huge confidence boost.
7. When someone's actions don't match their words
Boy, is it important to make sure somebody's actions line up with their words, especially in the dating world. Many people have experienced partners who say they want a relationship but never back it up with their actions. It's also important to have people in your life who will tell you if someone's actions don't match their words.
People who don't care about people-pleasing will notice when someone's actions don't add up. More importantly, they will call out the other person for their behavior without fear of the repercussions. They know speaking up may strengthen the relationship or reveal that it isn't healthy in the first place. They'd rather be single than stay in a relationship where their needs aren't being met.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
