People Who Are Mentally & Emotionally Lonely Usually Say 9 Phrases In Casual Conversation
RollingCamera / ShutterstockPeople can become isolated from others more easily than we tend to think. It’s gotten so bad that the U.S Surgeon General declared a loneliness epidemic just a few years ago.
While some people are good at covering up their loneliness, others give away subtle hints about their feelings in the things they say in an off-hand way.
If someone is mentally and emotionally lonely, they'll often say these phrases during casual conversation:
1. ‘Don’t worry about me’
Loneliness often makes people feel like they are a burden. They may struggle to let others in because they don’t want to become a nuisance in anyone else's life. This sadly prevents them from forming comforting bonds with others. Instead of turning to a loved one in their time of need, they play it off as if everything is okay.
Keeping your emotions to yourself can be harmful. Containing your thoughts inside can cause stress and anxiety. Letting your guard down is rarely easy, but it can be a remedy for chronic loneliness.
2. ‘I’ll figure it out on my own’
Hyper-independence can cause loneliness. When someone defaults to being self-reliant, they can struggle with vulnerability. This often stems from lingering unresolved trauma. They may have been hurt by someone in the past, and turn inward instead of letting others in to help them.
They likely fear asking for help, even when they need it the most, because they don’t want to be let down again. The only person who has been there for them reliably is themselves, and it's hard for them to put that trust into anyone else's hands.
3. ‘It is what it is’
When we talk about loneliness, we tend to think of it in terms of isolation from others. In reality, many people often feel alone in a crowded room. This is especially true when a person doesn’t feel fulfilled in their relationships. They might believe no one truly understands them, or that they aren't being shown the support they need. That may cause them to assume forming personal bonds isn’t worth it.
Once someone starts to hold this belief, they approach relationships with a mindset that tells them it is what it is. When someone grows used to being let down often, they may have lower expectations of people. Disengaging leaves them isolated from others, and it might be too frustrating to try to get the people in their life to understand.
4. 'I'm fine'
I’m guilty of telling people I’m fine when I’m far from it. It’s scary opening up to others, even if I know they will support me no matter what. This causes me to bottle up my emotions and isolate myself in what I’m going through. Even though I know it’s counterproductive to my needs, it’s my default response when struggling emotionally or mentally.
People who withhold their emotions may not want to relive their painful feelings. Often, they grew up in households where they couldn’t show anger or sadness. After years of suppressing their emotions, telling people they’re fine is easier than digging deep and getting personal. However, it can cause them to feel lonely as they navigate their pain by themselves.
5. ‘I’m used to doing things alone’
Those who spend the majority of their time alone may come across as aloof or hostile. If a friend tries to join them in something, they might tell them they’d rather do it by themselves. This reaction, though it comes from a place of self-protection, pushes people away and limits positive and supportive interactions. This response to an outreach of support can feel rude.
The truth is, a lonely brain is wired differently than the average person's. They may instantly jump into self-preservation mode, viewing all social interactions as danger. Instead of letting others in, they do everything alone as a defense mechanism.
6. ‘No one really listens to me'
Not feeling heard by the people you love can cause trauma. Instead of finding comfort in communication with others, they will try to keep to themselves. This may have resulted from an experience where they felt dismissed by someone they cared about. When what you say isn’t taken seriously, it can be disempowering and prevent honest conversations from happening again.
Feeling like no one is listening can be isolating. We all need social connection and an outlet to share without judgment.
7. ‘I prefer to be alone’
To convince others that their loneliness isn’t an issue but rather a choice, someone may say they enjoy spending all of their time alone. Of course, some people genuinely would rather stay in than go out with friends. Often, I am that person. However, if someone brings up how much they prefer to be alone in a conversation, they may be quietly letting you know they are more isolated than they would like.
People who are alone by choice are less lonely than those who feel shunned by others. A lonely person may try to convince themselves that they align with that statistic, but they can bring up their constant time spent alone in hopes someone will include them in their plans.
8. ‘I’m just overthinking’
Our minds can take us to a dangerous place. Constant overthinking can lead to negative thoughts. This becomes a vicious cycle that keeps us worrying and second-guessing decisions. When spending time with someone who is experiencing loneliness, they may go completely quiet. Staring off into space is a sign they are disengaged from the conversation, and it might be because they are overthinking every bit of the interaction.
This can also be an excuse for why they are so quiet much of the time. They may struggle with social interactions, but play it off as getting lost in thought because it is something other people can relate to.
9. ‘It’s not a big deal’
It’s not unusual for people to say something isn’t a big deal when clearly, it is. It can be difficult to share our true feelings with someone, especially when it comes to how lonely we feel. If a person gets left out of a social event, it can impact their self-esteem. Instead of tackling that issue head-on with the person who made them feel this way, they may lie to keep the attention off themselves.
People don’t always talk about their feelings. Although nearly everyone has experienced loneliness at a point in their lives, they may feel embarrassed to share this information with others. By pretending nothing is wrong, they are hiding the pain they might be holding on to.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
