People Who Are Just Slightly On The Outside Of Every Friend Group Usually Have 11 Specific ADHD Traits
GaudiLab | ShutterstockADHD is often characterized by three main symptoms: inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. However, there are so many benefits to this human experience that also add value to people’s lives and cultivate powerfully unconventional minds. Even the inattention they experience is a sign of deeper thinking and stimulation, and while not everyone experiences it, it’s not something to hide or be afraid of.
These people may be slightly “on the outside” of every friend group because of these specific ADHD traits, which are unique and unconventional, but it’s not usually because they’re ostracized. They just think, behave, and exist differently from most people.
People who are just slightly on the outside of every friend group usually have 11 specific ADHD traits
1. They’re a little more open-minded than the average person
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A study from BMJ Open found that open-mindedness and willingness to try new things are just one of the few “silver linings” of ADHD. They’re not necessarily motivated by a desire to conform, especially if there’s the option to try something new, learn, or break away from the pack.
While most people with ADHD may only have a small “window” of time during the day where they can tolerate newness, change, or complex emotions without needing to retreat, they still have more room for openness than the average person can manage.
2. They struggle with certain social norms
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With poor impulse control and busy minds, it’s not necessarily surprising that people with ADHD interrupt in conversations more often than the average person. Even though they’re breaking a social construct and making other people feel uncomfortable, it’s not an intentionally malicious or insidious habit. In many ways, they actually can’t help it.
In addition, their “time blindness” can isolate them from other people, as they regularly show up late at the expense of respect in their relationships. They struggle to sense how much time has passed and underestimate how long it will take them to get somewhere, and in a world where it’s easy to chalk that up to laziness, rather than someone’s inherent struggle, it can isolate them.
3. They’re always worried about rejection
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Many people with ADHD have a very specific rejection sensitivity that they deal with every single day. Not only are they worried about whether someone likes them or other people’s perceptions, as many people are, but they’re worried that people might secretly hate them for being who they are.
While these worries do tend to manifest in varied, unique ways depending on the person, everyone needs to remember, ADHD or not, that most people don’t care about you as much as they care about themselves. They might perceive you, but they’re probably not investing a ton of time into judging or hating you.
4. They struggle with low self-esteem
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According to a study from the Journal of Attention Disorders, over the course of someone’s life, dealing with ADHD can often lead to poorer long-term self-esteem and social function. Whether they're struggling with the backlash from breaking social norms and constructs or self-sabotaging good connections out of fear of rejection, many of these people feel like “outsiders” in their own lives.
Especially when all of these worries and insecurities cultivate anxiety, they may also worry about being a burden to people as they get older, as another study from Aging & Mental Health explains.
5. They can be easily distracted by random things
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While not everyone’s distractedness is ADHD, but rather emotional sensitivity or stress, ADHD people do often struggle to stay focused and engaged when they’re around other people. So, if they’re on the sidelines of a conversation, it’s probably not because other people aren’t accepting them, but because they’re managing tons of sensory information and distractions.
Even if it’s just the urge to check their phone every few minutes or hold it in their hand, seemingly innocent distractions like these can harm everyone’s focus, engagement, and social satisfaction, as a study from Scientific Reports explains.
6. They get irritable easily
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With a lower threshold for tolerating misbehavior and an occasional struggle with emotional regulation skills, it’s not surprising that someone with ADHD may be more prone to feeling like an outsider when they’re annoyed. As clinical psychologist Paul Rosen explains, this connection to emotional dysregulation may be a relatively new finding within the last decade, but in some ways, it’s a core tenet of ADHD.
Of course, their ability to feel big feelings and experience things on a deeper, more intimate level isn’t bad. If they don’t have coping skills to regulate or create space, they could spiral into problematic situations, but their inherent capacity for vulnerability is actually a superpower.
7. They struggle to make decisions
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Without a ton of internal space to take a step back and reflect, many people who feel like an outsider struggle to make intentional decisions and choices.
Even if it’s in a social situation, the decision to make a connection with someone or choose one set of plans over another can cause a person with ADHD to freeze. If they have a ton of options or endless choices, they may end up self-isolating or stepping back, even if that means choosing nothing.
According to a European Psychiatry study, these struggles with decision-making sometimes even lower a person with ADHD’s life satisfaction, work success, and general mental health. There’s always a feeling of anxiety surrounding making a choice that they struggle to cope with daily.
8. They struggle to accept feedback and criticism
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Part of what makes a close, healthy relationship or friendship is the ability to learn and grow together. When an issue or concern comes up, the healthiest partners and friends talk about what they’re feeling and what they need, even if it’s occasionally uncomfortable.
However, these hard conversations centered around feedback and constructive criticism are often impossible to lean into for people with ADHD. In fact, it also highlights the rejection sensitivity that they face in other parts of life. It’s not that they’re stubborn or manipulative in their lack of change. It’s just that they’re worried about not feeling accepted by others, even if they’re isolating themselves.
9. They get wrapped up in big feelings
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On top of struggling to manage their anger or overlooking minor inconveniences and annoyances, people with ADHD may also get wrapped up in big feelings. Even after the moment has passed or someone has apologized, they can’t help but hold onto their intense feelings, even if it means causing other people to walk on eggshells around them.
Even though it couldn’t be further from the truth, these tendencies can feel somewhat narcissistic, like they’re weaponizing their own pain and hurt to guilt someone else. While that couldn’t be farther from the truth in many cases, it is part of the reason why they often feel isolated from conversations and friend groups.
10. They have niche fixations and interests
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Considering many people tend to bond over shared experiences and interests right away, it may not be all that uncommon for people with ADHD to hit it off incredibly well with someone based on a hyperfixation, only to grow apart and lose touch as they lean into something else.
However, this cycling of interests and hyperfixations is common for people with ADHD, and not always a bad thing, because they struggle to focus on one interest or task for a long time. So, if something isn’t interesting for them anymore, they’re not engaged enough to stick around, even if it’s a person.
11. They ‘mask’ around certain people
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To fit the “neurotypical” standard of society and to seek the safety of conforming, many people with ADHD find themselves performing or “masking” socially. It often develops as a coping mechanism in daily life that helps people to feel included, even if they’re not being seen on a deeper level.
They might be physically around people, but when it comes to emotional connection, intimacy, and honest vulnerability, they’re bound to feel like an outsider in the group.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
