People Who Are Secretly Judging You Usually Say 11 Phrases That Make It Pretty Obvious
morrowlight | ShutterstockPeople who sit back and quietly judge everyone from the sidelines rarely make their actions obvious. They actually come off as some of the sweetest, most understanding people who make you comfortable talking about anything with. However, they are masters of passive-aggressive elegance, and their ability to subtly throw shade and quick, judgy expressions are what we love (and sometimes hate) about them.
People who are secretly judging you usually say these obvious phrases:
1. 'That's a choice...'
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Everything is a choice, but when a judgmental person says it, it's not something anyone would ever go for. For example, if your best friend stops by your house wearing a new outfit they love, you may not think it looks great on them, and it's not something you would ever choose for yourself.
You don't want to offend them, so you may use this phrase to acknowledge their choice without revealing your true feelings. But even if you don't say it so directly, it still carries rude undertones. And the lack of enthusiasm people often exhibit while saying this phrase actually reveals a lot.
2. 'If it works for you, then great'
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"If it works for you, then great" is one of the phrases people use to quietly judge others without saying it out loud. But the person saying this doesn't actually think that decision is great; rather, they are simply judging and being critical. This phrase disguises their genuine opinions just enough to avoid confrontation.
It puts the focus on "you" in a "bless your heart" kind of way and subtly isolates the speaker from an idea they think is actually okay. When someone says this, they may even have a slight smirk that says, "I think that choice is absolutely ridiculous, but whatever helps you sleep at night."
3. 'To each their own'
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While this phrase implies everyone is entitled to their own opinions, even if others don't agree, it's often a cop-out used by those who are silently judging. Even if they find a person's preferences distasteful, they'll refrain from saying things like, "That's weird."
Instead, they carefully and politely choose their words to say what they actually mean: "I'd never do that, and I think it's questionable, but I'll let you have it." They may also use it to remind themselves that even if they don't make the same choices as others, everyone is entitled to their own.
4. 'Well, that's different'
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According to psychologist Dana Harron, judging other people has nothing to do with the people you are judging. Instead, it often reflects how we feel about ourselves and our choices. For example, someone who lacks a sense of fashion might see a friend wearing a bold new outfit and say, 'That's different,' instead of simply saying whether they like it.
The reality is that the person's choice is only different from what they are used to, and it makes them uncomfortable. By acknowledging that someone may opt for different choices than they do, they may also be judging themselves and their own approaches.
5. 'No judgment'
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Funny enough, one of the phrases people say when they quietly judge everyone but don't say it out loud is "no judgment." And when this phrase is paired with a condescending tone and smirk, it actually translates to, "I'm feeling all of the judgment I possibly can toward you right now."
Even though it comes across as supportive, people often say it for a reason. For example, someone saying, "Oh, you're getting back together with your ex? No judgment" is like someone telling you, "I'm not trying to be rude, but..." followed by some pretty harsh opinions that are generally considered rude.
6. 'You're so brave'
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When someone makes a risky decision we may not agree with and silently judge them for it, we may commend their bravery rather than what we perceive, correctly or incorrectly, as their senselessness. Saying "You're so brave" really means "You're so brave to gamble on a decision that I would never make for myself."
7. 'That's a fascinating perspective'
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While this phrase can be sincere with a hint of genuine curiosity, the tone and context matter. In some cases, it is just a polite way of saying, "That's strange," since people often use "fascinating" when they don't want to say something is bizarre or questionable. It's typically just a way to use soft skepticism without openly arguing with or offending someone.
8. 'That's above my pay grade'
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At its core, this phrase translates to "That decision is not my responsibility, and someone else needs to handle it." When someone silently judges another person, they may use this phrase to avoid further interaction and to keep their judgment from slipping out.
"Speaking your truth is important, but it's how you deliver your truth that matters most," Jonice Webb, a licensed psychologist, shared. "Pause and think about yourself and your feelings, but also take into account the other person and their feelings when you say something like this."
9. 'Good for you'
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While this phrase can come across as genuine, it can also read as a passive-aggressive tight smile and slow clap. It's a classic tool for quiet judgment. The speaker often wants to distance themselves from the other person's choices without making it obvious.
Instead of saying, "I wouldn't do that, and I'm low-key judging you for it," they opt for just the passive-aggressive "Good for you" to sprinkle in the illusion of happiness and faith.
10. 'Whatever floats your boat'
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"Whatever floats your boat" may sound cliché, but it's one of the many phrases people use to quietly judge others without saying it out loud. It seems breezy and carefree, and it's the ideal polite punch people use when they are silently judging.
On its own, it comes off as neutral and supportive. However, the reality of it is far more sinister. "That wouldn't be my choice, but hey, if that makes you happy" is what they may really be trying to say.
11. 'Oh ... wow'
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Sometimes even the most judgmental people, who usually have a passive-aggressive comment to make, are rendered speechless. They may use the fewest words to express the complex feelings they are experiencing. This phrase is most commonly used when a person is in a state of utter shock and disbelief.
Someone may have just dropped the news that they're quitting their job to travel the world, or told them they got engaged to someone they've been on three dates with. Whatever it is, if it's a choice you would never make yourself and you're not sure how to hide your judgment, it's probably best to say nothing.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics focused on workplace justice, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
