People Who Are Secretly Boring Usually Say 11 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Wirestock Creators | Shutterstock There’s plenty of joy and intentionality that can come from living a “boring” lifestyle. In fact, being bored can spark creativity and lead to healthier habits, according to Dr. Ashok Seshadri, MD and other experts.
But if we stay safe for too long, we miss out on experiences that lead to happier, more fulfilling lives. Worse, hanging out with boring people can rub of on you in ways you might not expect. That's why it's best to watch out for these early signs of apathy.
People who are secretly boring often say 11 phrases in casual conversation:
1. ‘Just saying’
Secretly boring people say things like "Just sayin'!" because they have nothing interesting or deep to add. While it might not be intentional, a phrase like this can actively dismiss other people’s feelings, causing them to second guess themselves without explanation.
By not taking accountability for their words, boring people sabotage opportunities for deeper connection. They don't dig deeper to find an explanation for why they've said something, they don't even defend it. Worse, they don't care if it hurt someone else's feelings.
2. ‘It is what it is’
Boring people don't want to engage, so they keep things surface. But having respectful disagreements and presenting strong opinions can offer opportunities for growth and connection. But boring people don't care. They just want a simple solution that insulates them from any discomfort.
That's why boring people tend to steer clear of this active expression, instead opting for phrases like this that allow them to take a back seat in intense or emotionally charged conversations. In the end, it's themselves they're hurting. When we stand for nothing or try to appease everyone with superficial remarks and behaviors, we’re never really connecting with anyone. What a waste.
3. ‘There’s nothing to worry about’
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People who are deeply boring just want other people to be boring like they are. They don't want to see fear, anxiety or sadness because it's too real for them to handle. That's why they'll use reassurances that often ignore reality: they want you to shut up.
Boring people tend to struggle with putting themselves in other people’s shoes. They may not even realize that their lack of depth leaves others feeling alone. Ultimately, this sabotages their ability to truly connect with the people around them.
4. ‘This is hopeless’
Boring people tend to bring an aura of helplessness and pessimism to pretty much any situation. When challenges pop up, they would rather zone out and give up than work out a way to deal with the problem.
As a result, they miss out on a ton of fulfilling opportunities in their lives. Unless they recognize the problem, they'll continue to confine themselves to an incredibly small comfort zone, which keeps them boring for life.
The worst part is that boring people who say stuff like this will bring you down, too. After a few times, someone telling you a situation is hopeless will start to affect how you see it, too.
5. ‘I don’t care’
According to social psychologist Frank T. McAndrew, PhD, being a “boring” person is often characterized by stereotypes and negative behaviors that are unique to a person’s life experience. Most of the time, the term is more of a reflection of what the person doing the judging thinks and feels.
For example, someone might think that someone who is a preschool teacher is boring. They're not famous, they aren't wealthy and they don't do daredevil stunts, so who cares? But that's not what makes a person truly boring, it makes the person judging them shallow.
With that in mind, saying "I don't care" during toughtful conversations or serious situations can be a sign someone actually is boring. And, often, this is said by someone who thinks they're interesting. They think they're being unique and edgy in showing apathy. In reality, they're secretly boring because they don't want to make the emotional stretch to extend empathy to others.
6. ‘Are you listening?’
Boring people tend to engage in unbalanced conversations where they talk a lot and listen very little.
They may act like they don't know how to read body language, but they certainly seem to know when someone else isn't listening, asking "are you even listening?" without realizing that the reason the person has drifted off is because they were being boring and selfish during that conversation.
When we choose not to bring a thoughtful attitude into conversations, we don’t attract empathetic, loving, and intentional people into our lives. That's why you need to keep an eye out for these boring people, as they can allow us to regress and remain in our comfort zones until we become selfish and boring, too.
7. ‘I’m not comfortable with that’
You may be surprised to see this phrase on this list. After all, it's one of the most empowering phrases someone can use to assert their boundaries. But boring people use it differently, they say it in order to stay stagnant in their lives.
For example, they may say it when choosing not to meet a new person, go on a first date, or network with others to protect their own comfort. Remember, they don't want to grow. They just want to be how and who they are right now, and they demand others accomodate that.
Instead of falling victim to this stagnancy, resist the temptation to hang out with people who won't ever grow. Find ways to subtly push yourself out of your comfort zone, even if it’s with a smile towards a stranger or a coffee date.
8. ‘You owe me’
While there are healthy forms of selfishness, like setting boundaries and establishing your needs clearly, many boring people have unhealthy selfish tendencies. They don't ask questions or dive deep or show any interest in others.
Not only do they view the people in their lives as a vessel for their own comfort and security, they often expect people to put their own needs aside to provide for them. That's why they're so quick to say "you owe me" rather than doing generous things for others out of the goodness of their hearts.
9. ‘I’m fine’
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To keep up with their need for external validation, many boring people live their lives with a mask on, shielding themselves from the discomfort of emotional expression and vulnerability, even with close relationships in their lives. No matter what they're feeling, they'll say. "I'm fine". In essence, they'd rather have an unmet emotional need than take any risks with being vulnerable.
A article published in the London Journal of Primary Care found that the messiness of vulnerability, which is filled with complex emotions, communication, and perspective, can spark feelings of anxiety and fear in people with low self-esteem. And boring people often have very low self-esteem!
Rather than embracing these conversations and moments as a way to connect, boring people may actively avoid them to ensure they can keep up with their perceived image and avoid discomfort.
10. ‘I don’t feel like it’
Instead of approaching new situations with an optimistic mindset, or at least an open mind, boring people actively avoid them. Whether it’s a conversation with someone they don’t know or a challenge they believe they’ll fail at, they just don't feel like it.
Avoiding discomfort can be beneficial in passing moments, but to live your life constantly afraid of change and challenge only pigeonholes you into a stagnant, unfulfilled life. Worse, you bring others who care about you with you.
11. ‘It’s not that deep’
This is a common one with Gen Z and Gen Alpha, as it's become a popular slang phrase to mean "stop taking this so seriously" even in serious situation.
Sometimes they do this to avoid accountability, but when boring people say it, it's often because they don't even see how deep it is. They don't have the empathy to recognize how other people are feeling or the social intelligence to recognize the nuances and complexities of situations.
Despite how appealing a surface-level existence can seem when you're in the emotional trenches, you wouldn't want to switch places with a boring person. They often end up lonely, especially when they refuse to take other people's feedback about what they're doing to push others away.
We can have compassion for boring people, but that doesn't mean we need to give up our time or enegy to help them. Especially if they wouldn't do the same for us.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
