7 Casually Brilliant Phrases People Who Know When To Keep Their Advice To Themselves Often Use

The problem solvers, the fixers, the helpers, and the people pleasers: take note. Most of the time, people in trouble or crisis don't need your advice. They need emotional relief. Providing emotional relief and validation is more important than offering immediate advice.

A person in a crisis may need time to process their feelings and may not be in a state to be receptive to solutions right away. A 2021 study found that often, the best help you can give is your attention to their words with acknowledgment, not advice.

People who know better than to give unsolicited phrases often use these brilliant phrases:

1. 'I'm here to listen'

woman who knows better than to give unsolicited advice telling her friend i'm here to listen PattyPhoto | Shutterstock

There are only two kinds of advice: Good and bad. Good advice can make the receiver dependent on it. Bad advice can make you look untrustworthy. And never give unsolicited advice; a person will hear it as criticism. Just listen.

— William (Bill) Meleney, Counselor, Coach, Trainer

2. 'That sounds...'

woman who knows better than to give unsolicited advice telling her friend that sounds BearFotos | Shutterstock

Instead of automatically giving advice, you can use a phrase like, “That sounds challenging. Would you like to hear my thoughts, or do you prefer just to have someone to listen right now?"

— Erika Jordan, Love Coach, NLP Practitioner

3. 'I'm here for you, how can I best help you?'

woman who knows better than to give unsolicited advice telling her friend i'm here for you how can i best help you fizkes | Shutterstock

By resisting the urge to give immediate advice, you can build a deeper connection and better understand the person's needs. Perhaps they only need a listening ear, and confiding in a trusted person can help them process their emotions. If they tell you they want help brainstorming solutions or want your perspective, you can provide exactly that. This saves time and reduces frustration; plus, it lets them take the reins and builds confidence.

— Lisa Petsinis, Career & Life Coach

4. 'Do you have any thoughts on how you'd like to handle this?'

woman who knows better than to give unsolicited advice telling her friend do you have any thoughts on how you'd like to handle this Prostock-studio | Shutterstock

Sometimes people want to brainstorm with you, and sometimes they need to bounce ideas or feelings off you, but they aren't asking you to fix their problem. So before you rush in, ask them, "Do you have any thoughts on how you'd like to handle this?" This invites them to articulate possible strategies and possibly ask you, "What do you think?" If they do, that's your signal to offer advice.

— Dr. Gloria Brame, Ph.D., Therapist

5. 'Do you want advice, solutions, or ears?'

woman who knows better than to give unsolicited advice telling her friend do you want advice solutions or ears Prostock-studio | Shutterstock

When friends start telling me about a situation in their life and then look to me for a response, I ask the following question before I say anything. What are you hoping to get from our conversation? Do you want advice and solutions, or do you just want to be heard? This has saved me from giving unwanted advice so many times.

— Ronnie Ann Ryan, Intuitive Coach

6. 'What do you think you want to do about this situation?'

woman who knows better than to give unsolicited advice telling her friend what do you think you want to do about this situation Dikushin Dmitry | Shutterstock

Usually, we know what we want to do or what we want to achieve, but we don't do it because we have a preconceived notion of what we "should" want or do. Asking what the person wants to do gives you a basis for what the desired outcome could be. Then, you can help more by helping them flesh out what they could do themselves to resolve the issue, which keeps the person empowered.

— Amy Bracht, Coach and Consultant

7. 'Do you want suggestions or not?'

woman who knows better than to give unsolicited advice telling her friend do you want suggestions or not antoniodiaz | Shutterstock

To avoid burdening recipients with unsolicited information, ask whether or not they would like a few suggestions for dealing with the situation. If not, ask if they would prefer an opportunity to express their concerns and feelings.

Listen, acknowledge, and ask what they want or need. Be an ear to listen, a shoulder to lean on, a pair of hugging arms, and a warm cup of tea. Let them know you are there for them without making it about you, your experience, or your advice. An open heart, an open mind, and open ears are a balm for emotional turmoil.

— Ruth Schimel, Ph.D., Career & Life Mgt. Consultant, Author

Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience editing relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.

People Who Know When To Keep Their Advice To Themselves Often Use 7 Casually Brilliant Phrases Instead