People With High Self-Respect & Low Tolerance For Mind Games Usually Say 9 Phrases In Tense Conversations
LOOK | CanvaWhen an argument is going nowhere, people who have high levels of self-respect will want to get out of it. When someone starts playing mind games they'll cut it off even faster. This doesn't have to be done unkindly, so they resolve the conflict respectfully using a few handy phrases.
9 phrases someone with high self-respect says when someone starts playing mind games in tense conversations:
1. 'We just have different opinions'
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People who respect themselves don't need to live in an echo chamber of people who agree with them. That being said, they have zero interest in petty beefs or mind games, but it took a while to get to this place.
Therapist Karyn Hall explained why disagreements can feel so harmful. "When someone expresses a different opinion than ours, that can activate our threat system. We are on guard, tense and ready to fight or run away."
No one has to feel threatened by an argument they are having, which is why these emotionally intelligent people just acknowledge that they are different from the other person and have different opinions from them. This is completely natural and human.
There's really no point in continuing to argue when both parties have different opinions that aren't going to change.
2. 'I respect where you're coming from even though we don't agree'
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You may not agree, but that doesn't mean you can't respect each other.
So, instead of being rude to someone when they don't want to argue with them anymore, smart people just set a boundary. This isn't being a doormat, it sets a perfectly strong boundary and unless the person they're disagreeing with is doing something that harms other people, leaving it at this is just fine.
3. 'We can agree to disagree'
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This phrase signals that someone is done arguing without being rude. It lets their opponent know that they understand they are at an impasse and there's really nowhere else to go with the argument. It is firm and final without hurting anyone's feelings.
In fact, communication expert Melody Stanford Martin shares that you can plan to say this early on, maybe even as soon as you start disagreeing.
She said that having a conversation without the intention of changing someone's mind can be even more productive. Just talk to them, share your perspective, and then let it go before things even start to become heated.
4. 'I don't think we'll get anywhere if we keep arguing'
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Sometimes arguments are productive. For example, if you're in a relationship, you may have to argue at times to work through your problems as a couple. You will never agree on everything, and if one person is always just agreeing to keep the peace, resentment starts to grow.
When someone's only goal is to win an argument, there's really no point to the argument anymore at all. The best way to keep communicating well in your relationship is to take a breather with a phrase like this.
5. 'I appreciate and understand how you feel about this'
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If someone is willing to argue about something to the point that it really becomes moot, they are probably very passionate about their position. That's why it can be helpful for someone to say that they understand where they're coming from and can appreciate it.
That's where a brilliant person steps in. They always seem to know what to say, and this situation is no exception. Acknowledging the other person's feelings is a great move that shows someone's brains and sense of humanity.
Hall touched on this subject as well. She said it's important to remember that the other person feels exactly like you do. "The other person in the conflict is going through human struggles and suffering, just as you," she stated. "It's part of being human. Compassion means that we don't want to add to the suffering of the other person and that we strive to bring kindness and understanding to the interaction."
Just because you're in the middle of an argument doesn't mean you can lose your compassion and humanity. Instead, you should tap into those things even more and extend as much kindness to your opponent as possible. Let them know that you care, even if you don't agree and think they aren't worth arguing with anymore.
6. 'It's okay that we see this issue differently'
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We are so acculturated to believe that disagreements have to end with consensus or someone winning, we forget that it's totally OK to have different perspectives and leave it at that. This can be shocking to those who are used to mind games.
When someone who has too much self-respect to go around and around in circles on a topic, the keep it concise and clear because they know that it's perfectly acceptable to see an issue from different points of view.
This may make someone who is in the argument solely win (as opposed to increase understanding or solve problems) angry, but when you know what's right for you, it doesn't matter.
7. 'It might be better for us to end the discussion here'
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One of the most effective ways to end an argument is to do just that: end it. There's no shame in stopping an argument in its tracks, especially when someone is resorting to mind games.
In fact, it's admirable to stop an unproductive argument that will only lead to pain. If it's spiraling and leading to misunderstandings, then it's better to just drop the issue altogether. Brilliant people know this, and they know how to do so politely, without hurting the other person's feelings or making them feel like their perspective isn't valid.
8. 'I'll give you some space'
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When tempers flare and things get heated, one of the best things you can do is take a step back and let the other person cool off, especially if they're really upset. If you respect yourself, you know it's not worth continuing if your opponent (or you!) are just going to get angrier and angrier.
Sometimes all you need to do to end an argument is give the other person some space. If you can do this with a genuine intention of wanting to keep your relationship intact, your opponent will sense that, though it make take until they cool down to really believe it.
9. 'We're not going to change each other's perspectives'
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No matter how hard you argue with someone, it's very unlikely that you'll magically convince each other to switch sides. Instead, let it go when you realize that it's going nowhere.
Marriage and family therapist Stephen J. Betchen said that trying to change someone's opinion is really pointless because there are so many factors that influence their beliefs. There's not just one little fact that will switch on a light in their minds once they've entrenched.
"Have you ever noticed that when you debate someone, particularly on topics of a political or religious nature you are not simply arguing with 'one' person about 'one' issue?" Betchen asks. "Rather, you are arguing with an individual's entire life history and all the people that have influenced that person along the way."
People with high levels of self-respect stop arguing right then and there. They know it's not about them, and they know that it's not worth hurt or resentment to keep it up.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
