People With High Integrity Ask 5 Simple Questions That Get People To Really Open Up
Meg Wagener | UnsplashA good conversationalist has two ears and one mouth and should use them proportionately. Too many people walk into a room full of people they don't know thinking: What am I going to say? Will I have anything in common with these people? How do I make a good impression?
There's a better approach: walk in and simply be curious. Whether you're at a business event, a dinner party, a community gathering, or simply meeting someone for the first time, conversations tend to go better when you focus on being interested rather than interesting. One of the easiest ways a high integrity person can show genuine interest is to ask good questions — and then actually listen to the answers.
People with high integrity ask these simple questions for deeper conversation:
1. 'What brought you here today?'
This is one of my favorite opening questions because almost anyone can answer it. If you're at an event, you might ask, "How did you hear about this?" or "What brought you here tonight?"
Their answer immediately gives you something to go on. Maybe they know the host. Maybe they have a personal connection to the event. Maybe a friend invited them. The objective isn't to ask a brilliant question. The objective is simply to start a conversation.
2. 'What keeps you busy these days?'
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I like this much better than immediately asking, "What do you do?" Why? Because it gives someone a chance to talk about their business or something else that they are really interested in.
"What keeps you busy these days?" leaves the door wide open. Someone might talk about their career, but they might also tell you about their family, a hobby, a volunteer project, a trip they're planning, or something completely unexpected. And that's where conversations can get interesting.
3. 'What do you really enjoy doing?'
Pay attention to what happens when you ask this question. People often light up when they talk about something they genuinely enjoy. It could be their work, but it might also be travel, cooking, golf, reading, music, grandchildren, gardening — or something you never would have guessed. Now you're learning something about the person, not simply collecting facts about them.
4. ''How did you get interested in that?''
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Once someone mentions something they enjoy, this is a natural follow-up. People have stories. Maybe tthey'veloved something since childhood. Maybe a friend introduced them to it. Maybe they stumbled across it completely by accident.
Whatever the answer, you're no longer making small talk. You're learning their story, and stories are much easier to remember than facts.
5. ''What are you looking forward to?''
I particularly like this question because it points the conversation toward the future. Maybe they're looking forward to a vacation, a family event, a new project, retirement, learning something new, or simply getting home to see their dog.
You never know where the answer will take you, and tthat'sthe point. A good conversation isn't an interview where you methodically work your way through a list of questions. It's a journey. One answer should naturally lead to another question.
There's one more question I recommend when you feel the conversation is going well:
The bonus question: " Oh, what do you like to do for fun?''
This question can take the conversation in a completely different direction. It may be where you discover the thing you actually have in common. Someone mentions golf, travel, old cars, hiking, cooking, grandchildren — or something else you enjoy — and suddenly you're no longer two strangers making conversation.
That's often where a connection begins. Meeting people isn't about firing off clever questions or trying to impress everyone in the room. It's about being genuinely curious about the person standing in front of you.
So ddon'tworry so much about being the most interesting person in the room. Try being the most interested person in the room. An introduction may start a conversation, but genuine curiosity can start a relationship.
Dr. Ivan Misner holds a PhD in Organizational Behavior and has connected people around the globe for decades as founder of BNI, the world's largest business networking organization. Interviewed by NBC TV, ABC TV, FOX TV, Forbes, Fast Company, Fortune, and more, Dr. Misner is the bestselling author of numerous communication, networking, and business books, including Networking is a Marathon, Not a Sprint.
