People Who Are Great At Reading The Room Usually Develop 8 Habits That Make Them Less Socially Awkward
DavideAngelini | Shutterstock Some people "read the room" easily, taking a metaphorical temperature of any situation to assess the right way to approach others and seamlessly integrate into conversations and activities. Others struggle with this skill. Fortunately, like most social skills, reading the room can be learned, even as an adult.
This skill is especially important lately, given the increased division between people in our communities and even families. It can be even more nuanced than ever to figure out how to be socially comfortable these days, when even people who are normally great at reading the room might start feeling awkward.
How do people read the room?
When you read the room, you scan the room to interpret energy, facial expressions, and context. You take in what's going on in the room, lives of people, and the world as a whole in order to interpret it all.
This works both virtually and in person. The ability to effectively read the room allows you to better adapt to varied situations, read non-verbal cues, and better tailor your message.
8 ways to become someone who is great at reading a room
1. Spy on your surroundings
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If you're struggling, being a social spy is one of the best ways to get started.
Think of this as an exercise. Go on field trips. Visit stores, coffee shops, etc., and ask yourself, "Who's in charge and giving out orders?" "Who seems grumpy?" No, you don't have to be correct, you just have to start observing patterns.
This can go even further than just an exercise, it can become a new standard practice when you enter a room. This helps prevent people from barging in and doing rather than hanging back and observing at first.
As a social spy, you can discreetly observe, hold back, and take an inventory of the group or situation’s mood, tone, members, energy, etc.
2. Know your audience
This isn't about a literal audience (though, if you're giving a speech or a presentation, this can help). It's merely about the group of people who will be engaging with you.
So, ask yourself who they are and what they might respond best to. You can try to guess at this before entering a situation or you can wait and take in the room to figure it out. Then, tailor your message to your audience.
When approaching a group, ask yourself, "What info am I giving? How will it be received by this particular audience?"
Recognize that messages don't always come across literally. When you give feedback and instructions, you may assume that others understand what you're conveying. But if the recipient doesn’t understand your message, they will consider it vague and will require "more" information and context.
Use your social spy skills to "spy" to pause, read between the lines, and decode their requests. Use this intel to paint a clearer picture of what you're saying because they can’t read the subtext.
3. Practice looking at other people's perspectives
Considering others' beliefs, values, and behaviors and stepping into their shoes gives you social data to better qualify their perspective. This can help as an exercise you can do anywhere, even with people online or on TV.
How do you do this?
Practice by doing an inventory on a co-worker you know well and try to predict their reactions. Another opportunity is to pause and interpret the energy before or after a meeting. What did you notice? What might those people have been thinking or feeling?
4. Read the mood, not just the room
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Mood is subtle. It's a vibe. Mood is made up of facial expressions, body language, and unspoken messages.
You try to read the mood to identify the emotional state of another person. Who are they? What messages are they conveying at that moment using their body language, tone of voice and word choices?
Try this exercise: Pick two co-workers to try to identify what they do with body and their voices while experiencing different moods. If you're trying to read an obtuse person, identify how they act with body and voice in multiple situations.
For example, if they're now quiet, yet rarely are, look for patterns and notice their mood. Could they be feeling down because they are sick or distracted?
Make your mission for the next interaction to just notice: pace of language (hurried?), tone (stressed?) and if they're asking more questions or speaking more slowly than usual (apprehensive)?
Do this habitually and scan everyone in your circle to create a mental playbook. This isn't about becoming obsessive about what they're going through, it's a simple observation to help you start learning patterns.
5. Look for context
Context is the situation, mood, and circumstances. These things may seem small, but they matter.
Pause, scan, and spy so you can hear and discern better. Ask yourself, "Where is this happening, in a formal or informal location? Who is there? What are they up to? What are they experiencing?"
Use this information to adjust your message. Reading context is more difficult in zoom, but certainly possible with practice.
6. Show empathy
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You can’t possibly know everything about your co-workers, but try to operate with an understanding that they are "probably" stressed and dealing with uncertainty.
Give off the feeling that you "get it." This is ultimately the goal of reading a room.
Try this exercise with others: Role play entering different situations and decoding what's going on and practice how you might react. Have someone give you kind feedback on whether you handled that in a way that made them comfortable or seemed awkward.
7. Check your written communication
Emails, texts, and social messaging can be interpreted differently than what you intended, and that happens even with people who are socially gifted and good at reading a room.
With written dialogue, especially in conversations that are sensitive or if you don’t know the person well, wait an extra night before hitting "send." Then, step into the shoes of the other person. Do you really want to send this given their circumstances.
For instance, are you asking for help when things are going on in this person’s family, life, or at work? Are you sharing a political opinion when that could harm your relationship? Is it worth it, at this moment, to share this message if there's a high potential for it to be misunderstood or taken poorly?
Dashing off messages is rarely a good plan. Instead, consider history and perhaps rephrase to telegraph what you truly mean to say.
8. Practice
Assign yourself a series of activities and then practice one at a time. Pick one mission only. You will gain better clarity if you work in segments or pieces rather than working on everything at once.
Exercise: Practice hanging back and interpreting what is happening in a zoom meeting. Leave your camera on and interpret body language.
Life changing skills take time, but are oh, so worth it! Imagine one year from now how delighted you will be that you didn’t quit. Practice these steps and you will do better in life.
Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC is an educator and coach. She's also author of Friendship Skills For Neurodivergent Adults among other books.
