People Who Are Basically Sloths Tend To Say 11 Comically Lazy Phrases In Casual Conversation
Kyryk Ivan | ShutterstockThe other day, I was thinking about one of the laziest human beings I’ve ever met. This sloth-like individual seemed to be physically allergic to work. While I can't always predict much in life, I could always predict what this deeply lazy guy would say to get out of work. If you know a truly lazy person, I’m willing to bet you’ve heard these classic phrases on a regular basis.
Sloth-like people tend to say incredibly lazy phrases in conversation:
1. ‘I can’t do it because I don’t know how’
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This is the basic quote behind weaponized incompetence: playing dumb to avoid work. Weaponized incompetence is the bane of existence for many wives, teachers, and moms. People often say this line to push work onto others’ shoulders, then follow up with a reassuring pep talk to whoever they've pegged to do it for them. If you want to keep the people you love around you, this phrase shouldn’t come out of your mouth. In recent years, weaponized incompetence has become a growing cause of divorce in recent years.
2. ‘I can’t do it because I don’t have the resources or time’
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Let’s talk about another issue with weaponized incompetence: blaming time or resources. In many cases, you're simply too underfunded or not properly equipped to do something correctly. Everyone, even the hardest worker you know, has had this experience at least once.
The difference between the exceptionally lazy and the average person is real. If you’re too broke to afford to rent an instrument, you won’t be able to go to band practice. If you’re not given the proper tools at your job, your employers shouldn’t be upset if you can’t work efficiently.
Here’s the thing: most people have at least some money. And even when they don’t, there are often alternative ways to get a job done. For example, if you don’t have MS Office, you can use Google Docs for free. Problem solved.
3. ‘Can’t we do it later?’
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Ah, procrastination. It’s a chronic issue for many people, though not all procrastinators are lazy. Almost everyone procrastinates, including a jaw-dropping 80-95% of college students. While not all procrastinators are lazy, almost all deeply lazy people are procrastinators. Procrastinating is just another way to avoid doing work. They often hope someone else will do it if they just keep ignoring the problem.
4. ‘Do you really want/need this to be done right now?’
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Let’s say you have told an exceptionally lazy spouse to clean up their desk. You might say it once or twice, then get annoyed. Exceptionally lazy people won’t get the hint, or they may push it off further by asking this question. It’s not that they can’t do it. It’s that they are trying to minimize the need to do that thing, whatever it is.
5. ‘I’ll do it later’
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This is another line people say for a wide range of reasons. One is due to fear. Sometimes, actually putting your hands to work can be scary. It’s a main reason why people procrastinate. However, this phrase is also used by the extremely lazy when they just don’t want to do something.
6. ‘That’s not my job’
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If you’ve ever hired a sloth-like person, you have heard this quite a few times. In the workplace, lazy employees and coworkers try to avoid any tasks not specifically listed in their job outline, even if it’s just a small, one-time favor to cover for a coworker. Workplace culture site CultureMonkey notes that any phrases that involve avoiding responsibility can be red flags for a lazy worker. (And let’s face it, no company needs that in a job market this tough!)
7. ‘You’re so much better at this than I am’
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This is yet another phrase lazy people use to avoid work through weaponized incompetence. People often say this to compliment and guilt-trip others into being the “nice ones” who do all the work with a smile on their face. Slick. Real slick.
8. ‘It’ll take me longer to make the food than just DoorDashing it’
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Another thing that exceptionally lazy people do is justify spending money over spending time, even when they aren’t using their time wisely. For example, a regular person who wants a pork roll sandwich would make one at home. A lazy person would order one from the deli, even if it tastes exactly the same as the ones he could make at home. His justification will often involve saving time.
Smart people can do this too, but one big difference matters: A smart person weighs the time, money, and effort, then decides based on whether they have more pressing matters. A lazy person won’t care if the decision makes sense. They just want to avoid having to cook (or do said task) themselves.
9. ‘I have a lot going on right now’
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When a lazy person can’t come up with a concrete reason to avoid doing something, they often try to squiggle out of work with emotional pleas. Many company owners have learned that people who say they have a lot going on tend to ask for way more free time. From personal experience, these folks also tend to be the least efficient, the most likely to be distracted, and the most likely to blame others when called out on their behavior.
10. ‘Look, that’s not my fault’
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People often don’t think about it, but taking responsibility for your actions takes a lot of effort. It also takes action to take responsibility for the effects of your inaction. Moreover, it’s also an uncomfortable part of being an adult. All of these things are things that lazy people detest. Unsurprisingly, this makes them far less likely to hold themselves accountable. It’s just not in their nature.
11. ‘I would have done it, but you got to it first’
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Finally, let’s talk about the lazy person's battle cry. When they realize their slothful, sluggish ways have ticked someone off, they often come up with yet another excuse for why they didn’t do something. Of course, the other person got to the task first. The lazy person left the thing there for hours, days, or even weeks to rot. The other people around them just got fed up.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
