9 Simple Habits People With Exceptional Inner Strength Practice When Sadness Hits
Michael Pfister| UnsplashI’m a pretty positive person, definitely one of those "glass-half-full" gals. I even had a guy tell me in high school that I was depressing to be around because I was always so cheerful, which turned out to be more a statement on his mental health than mine. Even so, I’ve definitely had my share of down moments, really, do you know anyone who hasn’t? Yet, some people seem to have exceptional inner strength when depression hits.
Whether you’ve experienced the effects of chronic depression or the occasional, "episodic" kind, the numbing feeling of being disconnected from your core self, what I call your "Circle of One", is the same. Please know I’m not equating the impact of both; feeling periodically "down" is not anything like clinical depression, but each affects our well-being to different degrees.
My father struggled with anxiety and depression for most of his adult life, and in fact, was in the hospital being treated for it when I was born. Thankfully, he received terrific support from his doctors, employer, and family, and went many years before he experienced those depths again. That said, he was also one of the most optimistic people I knew, always encouraging friends and family to do things that seemed impossible, whether it was buying a bike, building a house, or finding a job.
He wasn’t just a sidelines cheerleader either. My friends knew he was always ready to jump in and help them with their college applications or resumes. And that fancy new bike? His response to our pleas was, "If you earn half the money, Mom and I will pick up the other half."
Are you getting the picture? I think he had figured out that one of the ways he could keep his depression at bay was to help other people, to push himself to expand his heart and attention outward instead of isolating himself. He was a great model for me and many others to live our lives that way, too.
Here are 9 simple habits people with exceptional inner strength practice when sadness hits:
1. People with exceptional inner strength turn that energy outward
Of course, I have to start with one of the biggies my dad taught me. Who hasn’t felt that buzz you get when you’ve helped someone out and made a difference in their life? Whether it’s supporting a friend in need or volunteering at a hospital or at your kid’s school, studies have shown that helping others actually increases your happiness quotient and leads to a healthier life — a win-win proposition for everyone.
2. They make real, face-to-face connections part of their daily routine
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It’s great that we now have the capacity to stay connected with people more regularly via social media, texts, and emails, but that kind of communication can actually seduce us into hibernating at home, a big no-no if you’re depressed. Sometimes it’s a catch-22.
When you’re feeling blue, you may not be inclined to be very sociable, but research has found that’s exactly the time when you need to reach out. Using video chat is a little closer to a "live" connection, but nothing beats a face-to-face conversation or a good hug. So, be proactive about scheduling time for both regularly.
3. People with exceptional inner strength give themselves daily space to breathe, preferably in nature
At the same time, it’s not a good idea to fill your days so completely with people or activities that you don’t have a moment to just breathe and reconnect with your "circle of one", that still, small voice of wisdom within that represents the essence of you.
Of course, you can always close your office door and take a moment there, but if you can get outside and find some green space, even for just 5 minutes, the benefits are huge. In fact, there are some doctors who are now prescribing time outside for their patients to help bring them back into balance.
It doesn’t take much. I live in New York City and have my favorite trees in nearby parks that I commune with every day. How about you? Where can you practice a little bit of that "eco-therapy"?
4. They do something soul-nurturing as soon as they wake up
It really doesn’t take a lot — literally just setting your alarm 10 minutes earlier and sitting quietly in bed can be a great grounding practice to start your day. Just be sure to do it before you check emails or how many "likes" you got on your last Facebook/Instagram post!
Once you get into the habit, you may even get inspired to expand your routine, adding some meditation or journaling, or doing something physical like yoga or going for a walk. Use your imagination and then notice what produces the most positive results.
5. People with exceptional inner strength dance or move their bodies
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Personally, nothing pulls me out of the dumps faster than playing a little air guitar and prancing around to Bob Seger’s Old Time Rock’n’Roll, the final dance from Footloose(yeah, I know I’m dating myself), or Justin Timberlake’s Can’t Stop the Feeling.
Seriously, I challenge you to watch any of them — or one of your own favorites — and not feel your mood steadily escalate. If nothing else, getting out of your head and into your body creates a healthy shift from mental stagnation to physical action, always a good antidote for the doldrums.
6. They journal, draw, paint, and create
So, this personal form of art therapy can go two ways. You can use any creative outlet to express whatever deep feelings you’re experiencing — sadness, grief, hopelessness — in effect, creating a tangible homage to your blues, whether it’s artistic or in writing. Sometimes, just the act of giving voice to those feelings in any form is enough to jumpstart a return to joy, or at least a more positive outlook on life.
Or, the other possibility to trigger that return is to intentionally focus your creativity on uplifting colors, words, or activities. Like making a list of what you’re grateful for, writing a silly limerick, or maybe even finger painting or coloring. Once you can nudge yourself in that direction, your instinct for wholeness will (hopefully) kick in, and you’ll actually have fun!
7. People with exceptional inner strength make a point to appreciate something every day
Yes, this can be part of your creative writing process just described above, but maintaining an ongoing "attitude of gratitude” is also increasingly recognized by researchers as a powerful de-stressing practice.
The studies have shown that experiencing greater feelings of gratitude is linked to better mental health and fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression. Whether you keep a gratitude journal, write a note of appreciation to someone, or verbally acknowledge others for their support, the result is a distinct, measurable shift in your mood.
8. They check in and hype people up
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This one is probably a cousin of number 1, sort of a heartfelt, verbal "give back". And like expressing gratitude, you can also send a quick email, text, or digital card for any reason, raving about the dress your friend wore last night, or congrats on a recent promotion, or finishing the marathon.
I’m a big fan of Jacqui Lawson e-cards, but there are so many others as well. If you’re really organized (which I’m usually not), sending a card via snail mail always feels extra-special, too. Or, one of my favorite ways to wish a happy birthday to family and friends is to call them and sing Tom Chapin’s birthday song, a little different than the traditional one. However you choose to reach out, that "buzz" response can be as heartwarming for you, the giver, as it is for the receiver.
9. People with exceptional inner strength seek out simple, joyful moments
As a new grandparent, I’ve been experiencing the healing effects of "baby bliss" firsthand for the past 9 months. I describe my grand-cutie, Keira, as my favorite therapist! Of course, some of it is the whole Grammy thing. (Definitely check out Leslie Stahl’s wonderful Becoming Grandma: The Joys and Science of the New Grandparenting for more on that.)
But as I’ve raved starry-eyed to others about my little sweetie, I’ve also heard beautiful stories from all kinds of people feeling uplifted by that "baby high". A few months after Keira was born, I was describing her effect on me in an email to a friend who had recently lost her mother. She asked me to send a picture, then almost immediately shot back, "I’m not even related to her, and I feel better already!"
Another friend talked about the impact of simply making eye contact with any little being, whether you know them or not. Journalist Dave Mosher writes about this phenomenon.
Navigating your way through tough times and emotional lows is never easy, and there are no quick fixes. Whether they’re triggered by deep conversations, specific events, the onset of the holidays, or just life, it does help to have some simple tools and ideas in your back pocket to draw on when you feel the blues setting in, or ideally, to practice proactively.
Pick some that resonate with you so you can be prepared the next time it happens and can maintain at least a thread of connection to your inner soul spark. It might make the return to balance, and maybe even joy, a little smoother.
Deborah Roth is a Life & Career Transition Coach and Interfaith Minister who founded Spirited Living to help guide spirited women and men through life’s big changes with joy and ease.
