Full-Grown Adults Who Melt Down When They Don't Get Their Way Often Say 9 Childish Things

Arguing with someone you care about is always hard, but doing it with an emotionally immature person makes it even more difficult. Everything can be going normally until suddenly a full-grown adult is melting down because they didn't get their way.

When someone is emotionally immature and an argument isn’t going their way, they often try to shift the blame onto others. They don’t want to take responsibility, and do all they can to avoid it. Finally, they go into full tantrum mode and start saying unkind and even ridiculous things.

Full-grown adults who melt down when they don't get their way often say these 9 childish things:

1. ‘Just forget about it’

woman melting down when she doesn't get way saying just forget about it F01 PHOTO | Shutterstock

One phrase childish people say when they’re losing an argument is “just forget about it.” This is a way to hopefully shut down the argument and change the subject, but they don't actually want to let the issue go. They just want the other person to feel badly about the issue while they shut down.

Unfortunately, this can negatively affect the other person in the argument. PsychCentral writer Hope Gillette noted, “If you shut down during intense communication, the other person may feel rejected or devalued. It can appear like you don’t care about them or what they have to say.” Of course, this may be the emotionally immature person’s intent, but that doesn’t make it any easier to stomach.

Ending an argument without any real resolution usually doesn’t do anyone any favors. Instead, it leaves an open wound that will continue to fester. Emotionally immature people shut down because they can’t stand the thought of losing, instead of actually working to make progress that benefits everyone involved.

2. ‘Whatever’

woman melting down when she doesn't get way saying whatever Gladskikh Tatiana | Shutterstock

It's just one word, but in the context of an argument, it can become a meltdown. That's because it's a way of shutting down a disagreement without any resolution or even insight.

Saying "whatever" does absolutely nothing and doesn’t help anyone. It solves no problems, it's just snark. This allows them to feel like they won an argument when they actually did nothing at all. This can be especially galling when the person melting down is otherwise quite good at communication.

As licensed psychologist Guy Winch, PhD writes, some people may find they’re able to communicate effectively in other scenarios, like at work, because the emotional stakes are lower. It’s not as personal. But if someone is arguing with their partner, for example, it’s easier to become overwhelmed and simply shut down because stronger emotions are involved.

Someone who is emotionally immature is unlikely to want to face those emotions. Instead, they’ll do anything they can to avoid feeling the hard things. A favorite way to do that is to end the conversation so the argument can’t continue, and the fact that they’re losing can’t become even more obvious.

3. ‘That never happened’

man melting down when he doesn't get his way saying that never happened MAYA LAB | Shutterstock

Another tactic some childish grown adults may take when melting down is gaslighting the other person. They may say something like “that never happened” to try to make the person they’re arguing with question reality and wonder if they really do have everything straight in their head. This is a low blow, and something that only the most emotionally immature would be willing even to consider.

Dr. Robin Stern, co-founder and associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and author of The Gaslight Effect, explained that one of the main reasons people gaslight others is that it makes them feel like they are right, which validates their behavior in their mind. It’s also about maintaining control and feeling superior, especially when in the middle of an argument.

No one deserves to be treated that way, especially when an emotionally immature person employs it so that they can end an argument that they’re clearly not winning. Making someone question their version of reality when everyone knows it’s what really happened is hurtful and psychologically harmful.

4. ‘It’s all your fault’

woman melting down when she doesn't get her way saying it's your fault Dragon Images | Shutterstock

When an emotionally immature person is losing an argument, there’s a good chance that they’ll try to shift blame onto the other person and away from themselves. They may say something like “it’s all your fault” like a child in order to make the other person think that the whole argument occurred because of them.

For example, you make a mistake and over-schedule something and they get stressed. From that moment on, any bad thing they experience (or think they experience) gets blamed on you because you made the first mistake that day.

By claiming that whatever is at the root of the argument is the other person’s fault, an emotionally immature person feels they can escape blame for anything they chose to do as a result. It’s the perfect way to take the spotlight off of themselves and their own failed argument attempts.

5. ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about’

woman melting down when she doesn't get her way saying you don't know what you're talking about Noiel | Shutterstock

The irony of these words is that the person having the meltdown is probably the one doing all the talking, so it would stand to reason that if someone doesn’t know what they’re talking about, it’s them. Of course, this kind of reasoning won’t work well with someone who’s emotionally immature.

Psychotherapist Dr. Tracy Hutchinson, PhD, writes that the behavior of emotionally immature people can feel “chronically childish.” She notes that emotionally immature people often act much younger than their real age. This may not actually be their fault, as they could be facing “limitations or deficits in their maturity.” Still, it’s not okay to purposely make someone feel bad.

6. ‘You never see things from my side’

woman who thinks her husband never sees things from her side Gorynvd | Shutterstock

“You never see things from my side” is a perfect example of what comes out of the mouths of fully grown adults who melt down like children. To them, their side of the argument may feel misunderstood and overlooked. In their mind, they are right, and the other person just can’t see that. If they tried to see things from their perspective, they might understand.

David W. Johnson, EdD, the co-director of the University of Minnesota’s Cooperative Learning Center, shared that seeing other people’s perspectives is essential to resolving conflict.

Clearly, there are good reasons to try to see someone else’s side of the story, especially when arguing with them. However, claiming that someone never takes the time to do so is probably just a tool an emotionally immature person will use to try to swing things in their favor. It’s not an effort to actually get someone to see their point of view; it’s just an attempt to guilt them.

7. ‘This is ridiculous’

woman arguing that something is ridiculous with her boss Zamrznuti tonovi | Shutterstock

Adult melt-downs are part of an inconsistent pattern of behavior. Something that just moments before seemed to be of great importance to them will very suddenly be labeled ridiculous in an effort to talk about something else.

Obviously, they don’t think it’s really ridiculous and the subject matters to them a great deal, but they’ll say otherwise to try to move on and cover up their blunder. They may also not even realize they're being illogical.

Calling an argument ridiculous, especially when it's a conversation that's important to you, basically saying that whatever you feel passionately about is ridiculous. It’s a personal attack that can hurt very keenly and it derails conversations in a way that is super childish.

8. ‘Of course I’m right’

husband who believes he is right in therapy with his wife Zamrznuti tonovi | Shutterstock

Adults who are prone to meltdowns will usually do anything they can to hold onto control and make the other person question the doubts they harbor about them. They could quite literally be arguing that the grass is blue, but they would do so confidently, insisting that they were correct.

Philosophy professor Iskra Fileva, PhD, put it this way: “Some people need to be right always. They cannot stand to lose an argument. They won’t admit defeat in the face of compelling evidence against their position."

Emotionally immature people are more likely to need to be right. They can’t stand the thought of losing an argument, so even as it’s happening, they’ll continue to claim they’re right until the bitter end. This doesn’t help anyone, and it certainly does nothing to resolve the conflict. Instead, it just causes it to continue.

9. ‘You’re being too sensitive’

husband who thinks his wife is being too sensitive Dragana Gordic | Shutterstock

Another way an immature adult might meltdown when they don't get their way is to call the other person "too sensitive" or even "such a baby" instead of taking any accountability for how their behavior affects others. In reality, it’s likely that the emotionally immature person is letting their own emotions take over and control their behavior and are projecting onto others.

Their goal is to make you think you’re losing it when, in reality, you have a very firm grasp of what’s happening. In times like these, you have to trust yourself and know that you know the truth. Don’t let anyone sway you from that.

Unfortunately, emotionally immature people will use gaslighting as a weapon because they simply don’t know of any better options. This can be incredibly damaging to the other person in the argument.

Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.