Emotionally Intelligent People Usually Stop Tolerating 10 Tired Phrases As They Get Older
imorarash / ShutterstockAs people get older, they often start paying closer attention to the words they allow to affect them, having come to understand that certain phrases aren't as harmless as they once seemed.
With experience, people with high emotional intelligence come to know all to well that some of the most innocent-sounding phrases as actually most often used by people who are looking to avoid accountability by shutting down honest communication.
Emotionally intelligent people are more selective about the conversations they engage in and the behavior they accept from others, so they stop tolerating certain phrases being used in any way, shape or form as they get older. Understanding that language shapes relationships, they grow less and less willing to excuse conversations that dismiss their feelings or make them feel uncomfortable.
Emotionally intelligent people usually stop tolerating 10 tired phrases as they get older
1. “You can’t predict life.”
You might not be able to predict life, but you can make more informed decisions based on things you already know. While making accurate predictions about most things is always risky, by analyzing the outcomes of past situations, we can gain awareness of how things are most likely to turn out in the future. This helps people make better and more educated decisions.
Emotionally intelligent people don’t bother trying to predict everything that might happen. They understand that the only constant is that things are constantly changing.
2. “Learn from your elders.”
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When I was younger, I had a nanny who was in college. At the time, she seemed like the smartest person I knew. When I got to college and reflected on what she had told me about her own experience, I came to understand that many of her decisions back then hadn't been the greatest, and I realized my previous view of her might not have been true.
We're often told as kids to listen to our elders because they have more wisdom to give, but as we grow up, we learn that much of what we were taught by them no longer applies or was never right for us. Life is confusing, no matter how old you are.
3. “Just be happy.”
When you’re in a rut, it may feel like all you want is to be happy, but that isn't always the easiest thing to achieve. It feels hurtful when somebody tells you to just smile and be happy when you've been trying with everything you have and you can't make it happen.
When people do this, it's easy to feel unheard and misunderstood. Emotionally intelligent people understand this, and they don't allow themselves to tolerate dismissive advice, looking elsewhere for support instead of allowing themselves to wallow in feelings of inadequacy or self-pity.
4. “I’m fine.”
Emotionally intelligent people tune into other people's emotions, even when they don't express them directly. Saying "I’m fine" usually doesn’t mean you’re genuinely doing well. I know I often use this statement when I'm feeling sad about something and don't want to get into it. For me, it's a way I answer the question. “How are you doing?” without bringing down a conversation.
Lots of people use this phrase in the same way, but emotionally intelligent people stop tolerating it from others as they get older because they want to know the truth about what is going on. They know that holding things in only makes them worse, and they'd rather deal with the momentary discomfortant of talking about something difficult than deal with passive-aggressive behavior and the explosion of emotion they know will come when the truth eventually comes out.
5. “No offense, but…”
When someone says “No offense, but…,” the statement that follows is basically guaranteed to be offensive. Emotionally intelligent people learn that statements like this are preparing you for a critique.
If someone needs to tell you that they aren’t trying to be offensive, they already know their comment will be harmful to some degree. Their comment might not be a big deal, but it still might feel hurtful to whoever the critique is directed at.
Emotionally intelligent people know that there are more supportive ways of presenting information the person in question may not be excited to hear. When they are trying to help someone, they don’t need to start by letting them know they're about to put them down.
6. “Just relax.”
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There is no phrase that gets me more riled up than this one. When I am in the heat of frustration and someone tells me to “Just relax,” it makes me feel even angrier.
Emotionally intelligent people know that, just like telling someone to be happy, telling them to relax is far more likely to make them much more uptight.
Being told you’re overreacting feels invalidating. People with a high EQ become unwilling to tolerate wasting their time on conversations with people who don't care to understand why something they feel is so important to them.
7. “You should…”
Offering help can be a good way to try to support your friends. However, when using this phrase to give advice, it might come across the wrong way, creating tension in that relationship if the listener feels like you are inserting yourself in their life. And even if they don’t mind you inserting yourself, they might still be hurt by your structured advice.
It can make the listener feel like you think that you know better than they do. This can sometimes come off as arrogant because you are suggesting that you know what's best for them better than they do.
8. “Everything happens for a reason.”
When something bad happens in our lives, someone might offer this common saying to comfort us, suggesting that there is a greater purpose for the situation, no matter how difficult it might be. They believe it will help some people get through difficult circumstances by viewing them as leading them toward something better.
For many people, though, this phrase can have the opposite effect. It's hard to believe there is a reason bad things happen when you are in the middle of the bad thing happening.
Emotionally intelligent people avoid this phrase because they know how invalidating it can be and that it's important to work through your emotions before coming to accept something uncomfortable. They don’t believe you should just plow through the pain to get to whatever purpose it was created for by some higher power.
Instead, they advise people to feel the pain and allow themselves to process it in their own time, knowing that by working through our negative emotions, we can learn to find healing.
9. “I don’t care.”
Empathy is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence. People with high emotional intelligence don't tolerate this phrase because they believe caring for others is important. If someone opens up about something personal, it can be hurtful when someone else responds, as it suggests the person saying it doesn't care about their feelings or issues.
Even if someone isn’t talking about something deeply personal, this can still make them feel like you don’t care about connecting with them. If someone uses this phrase in a casual conversation, it can sometimes make the other person not want to continue the interaction.
10. “I’m too busy.”
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I'm relatively new to professional life, being twenty-one, so this is something my friends and I commonly say to each other. We're still figuring out how to balance our work and our relationships.
My friends and I all want to succeed in our respective fields, which can lead us to devote a large chunk of our time to our careers. However, when trying to give 100% to a job or responsibility, you might start to ignore other areas of your life. This has led me to choose to finish an assignment over hanging out with friends, losing precious time I have with them.
Life doesn’t usually get less busy over time. If you continue to prioritize friendships less than work, you might find that years down the line, your friendships have slowly fizzled out. Emotionally intelligent people might have learned that to retain these friendships, they need to continue putting in the effort.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
